Today is March 1st! I am challenging myself to a 30 day fitness challenge. The goals I have set for this challenge include:

1. Blog everyday! It holds me accountable and makes me take the time each day to reflect and focus on areas of improvement.

2. Exercise! I have not been consistent with my exercise, but this month I pledge to exercise each and every day for at least 1 hour. This is where it gets hard. On the days when I can’t make it to the gym, I must do Turbo Jam at home. I MUST!

3. Food Journal- Starting today, I will keep a food journal of everything I eat or drink. This is also going to be hard, but it will help combat compulsive eating. If I know I will have to write it down and post it, it will hopefully force me to make a better choice.

4. No Scales- I think this will be the hardest of all for me! The reason I am taking the scale out of the equation is because I don’t want this to be about temporary scale goals or obsessing over my weight on the scale. The title of my blog is destination: fitness because ultimately that is what I am reaching for. I don’t want to measure my fitness according to my weight on the scale. I want it to be measured by how I feel inside.

I think that will just about do it for the goals. I do not want to bog myself down with strict dieting goals that will only cause me to feel like more of a failure when I don’t reach them. I think with the exercise and food journal, I have just made a huge commitment in itself. I am excited because I have set reasonable, attainable goals and I WANT to succeed. This is a great day!

First off, I want to say that I missed all my 3fc blog friends dearly and in my absence, I thought of you often. Some of you are still here and posting often, some of you are not. As for me, I am so glad to be back!

When I stopped writing in June, I was going through a very difficult time. 2010 was an awful year for me. Gosh, I was so depressed. I was dealing with unemployment, a failing marriage, and just overall mental deterioration. It just got to be too much. However, I have risen from that place. It took me a long, long time, but I did.

In the process, I managed to gain every ounce of weight I lost during my time on 3fc. I started a new teaching job in August of 2010 and had a great time stuffing myself with lots of donuts, fast food, candy, soda, and whatever else you can think of. I got very busy with graduate school, my work, kids’ activities, and what not and made no time for working out, cooking, or eating healthy.

I brought in the new year with no desire to get a grip on my weight. It wasn’t until I couldn’t button a single pair of pants and I walked into a cute, new store in the mall and tried on a few tops that I decided enough is enough. Last week I lost 5 pounds which is typical for a first week. I hope to lose at least another pound or two this week. I am back on track eating wise, but have not been able to commit myself to a workout regiment that works for me. Actually, at this point I am not exercising at all. I know this isn’t going to work, but I have to figure out how I can get off work at 4:20, get home and make dinner and still make it to the gym and have the kids finish homework and in bed by 8…. any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

Well, that’s all for now…

I’ve been bad, bad, bad…. I will be back soon with full details. Just know- it’s not pretty. Yes, I fell off the wagon and got ran over. But now I get up, dust myself off and continue on with my life journey of being fit and fabulous!

I have struggled this week something terrible. It’s all because I let my emotional state bring me so far down that I was not motivated to do anything at all… I barely stayed on track eating wise, and I think I had 1 day of exercise I haven’t had money at all for groceries, so I wasn’t really eating well at work. Thursday and Friday I didn’t take anything at all, and scraped up change for chips out of  the vending machine. I don’t have any good fruits or vegetables, so nothing healthy is even slightly appealing. Yesterday I WENT THROUGH A DRIVE-THRU FOR LUNCH!! I can’t believe that! I haven’t done that is months! I had a Southwest Grilled Chicken salad and a grilled barbecue Snack Wrap from McD’s Oh well, it could have been much worse. I make a promise to myself that I am going to do better this week. I am going to get back into the gym which means I will be taking gym clothes to work with me. I am supposed to get paid Tuesday, so hopefully I will be able to buy some groceries. I am GOING to have a better week. I have to look back, but I don’t think I even lost a pound this week. I am by no means giving up on my weight-loss. I just let life get in the way this week, but I am determined to get a handle on things, and go back to being healthy and responsible.

Here are the stats:

Last week: 167.8

This week: 166.4 (-1.2)

So a 1.2 pound loss is better than a 1.2 pound gain, and that’s exactly what could have happened with the way I’ve been slacking off. I appreciate my body for having my back even when my mind has been so screwed up. Thanks body- I owe you one!

I am dealing with so many emotional problems right now, and I just feel really, really down. I haven’t been working out, so I’m not getting my daily fix of endorphines and stress relief. I started this job and my entire schedule has been off for 2 weeks. I really need to get my life together. I have sooooo much on my mind. I have soooooo much going on, on top of the things on my mind. Yes, I’m married but I operate as a single parent. My children are involved in so many activities it seems, and I can’t fit in all their things, my job, their school, and my exercise too. Boy, this is a struggle. I can do it, I know I can. I just need to get disciplined, organized, and operating on a schedule. It would help if I could also get my emotions together. I can feel the depression coming back and that’s the last thing I want. I have been doing so well these last 2 months and I want to keep my spirits up. Today though, is one where I want to crawl under a rock and disappear. There’s a huge storm in my world and I can’t see a break in the clouds anywhere. I want to think happy thoughts, but I can’t seem to find any. I just need some time to myself to think, focus, and meditate. Last night I had a huge bout with pizza. I made the kids a oven pizza and although I wasn’t hungry, I engaged in emotional eating. I don’t even know how many slices I ate. I just disgarded the meat, and went to town. I felt awful afterwards and the scale made me pay for my choices. I gained a pound since yesterday. Up to 168.8 this morning. Oh well, that’s what I get. Here’s what I have going on for the day.

B: bowl of special K with skim milk

L: don’t know because I wasn’t in the mood to pack anything this morning.

D: don’t know yet

So… that looks BAD! oh well, its life. I may meet a friend for a late lunch when I get off work. I also would like to make it to the gym this afternoon. Let’s see how much worse this day can get….

Wow! It’s been forever since I had a chance to visit my blog! I am STILL trying to find my groove in balancing work, the kids’ schedules, and my workouts. My workouts have been very, very sketchy. I just can’t seem to force myself to go to the gym after I get off work. It’s so hard to get in there at that time. I need to quit making excuses and just GO! My eating is on track for the most part except the last 3 days, I haven’t felt much like cooking at all. I skipped dinner last night all together because I was running around like madwoman from here to there, and didn’t get home until almost 9pm and I had to get the kids ready for bed and school in the morning. Yes, school. They are both in summer school programs. I always eat a healthy breakfast in the morning, and lunch is good at work too. It’s when I get home, that things start to go downhill. I always get the munchies, AND I don’t feel like making dinner for myself. I have GOT to do better. I don’t want to gain a pound, and that keeps me motivated to be at least 80% on plan. I don’t really have much else to say, I hope everyone else is doing well and staying motivated and on track!

This week: 167.8 (-4.2)

Last week: 172.0

after a steady decline all week long, I finally saw an increase. It would be today of all days, but I can’t really complain because I did eat an appetizer sampler from Applebee’s around 11:00 last night. I didn’t finish anything but the spinach and artichoke dip, but I still ate until I was full. And I failed on the water yesterday. oh, well, better luck next week!

the reason I say this is because somehow, for the past 3 days I’ve been weighing in the 160’s! Only thing I’ve been on track with is my eating. I have started a new job and I have not figured out a new routine for working out yet. I wish I could get up and go at 5am, but there’s no babysitting at the gym that early in the morning, and I obviously can’t leave my children at home alone so….. Back to this weight business! I have been eating pretty well. I bring my lunch to work, which is usually very healthy with fruit and yogurt for snacks. It’s a desk job so not too much moving around or exercise here. I have finally gotten back on track with my water intake… mostly! So really, I just can’t seem to figure out why each morning when I step on the scale, it has decreased from the day before? One of my blogging buddies mentioned that exercise is not the most important factor in weightloss, it just makes you look more toned. But if it’s not the most important- then what is? I mean, I gave up on counting calories a while back so I really have no idea how many calories I take in on a daily basis, and that’s fine with me! All I do is limit bread/pasta/rice carbs to one meal a day. I eat lots of fruit and veggies. I eyeball meat portions. I do measure out serving sizes a lot, but other than that, I just eat in a normal way. This is definitely something I can maintain, but will the scale continue to move? How can I make sure it does if I don’t know whats causing it to go down in the first place? One other thing I’d like to mention is that I have this TERRIBLE urge to snack after dinner. I have not been able to fight it for the last few nights. Last night, I was so full from dinner, but continued to snack on whale crackers and I even had a square of Dove dark chocolate. The night before it was ranch flavored sunflower seeds. Sometimes it’s peanuts or a frozen yogurt bar. But it’s always something. I know it’s not because of hunger that I want to eat, last night proved that. I literally gave myself a stomach ache because I was eating when I was already full. I need help with that. I don’t have to eat a lot of food when I snack- I just have to have SOMETHING! How do I stop this urge? Ok, I guess I need to end this now. I may be back later to update, maybe not! Happy Friday!!!

So my post for Tuesday somehow got deleted off the system without me doing it… that sucks. and I actually received a comment on an unpublished post I was in the middle of writing, but I think the comment was supposed to be on the Happy Tuesday post. How frustrating. I hope WordPress or 3FC get it together soon. This is gonna be short, quick and to the point. I have not been working out. It’s 5:25am and I’m trying to get motivated to go before work. I have to be there @ 8am. I could work out from 6-7 at least. The past couple of days have been really rough. I have not worked out at all, and my water intake has been awful. This morning the scale has moved down a little- 169.8 to be exact. I’m not complaining, because my eating has been ok for the most part, but I’m worried that once I work out, it’s going to move back up. Oh well. I need to exercise. Alright self- I’m off to the gym.

I guess I haven’t written since Friday maybe… well there’s a reason for that. I haven’t been feeling well AT ALL for the past 2 days. Well Saturday I was fine except for the fact that I spent about 9 hours in the deadly heat out at my kids’ track meet. I consumed all kinds of horrible things like:

crunch n munch

a big pretzel- sans salty coating

Gatorade

Ocean Spray Cran-Grape juice

Capri Sun

I came home around 7pm and crashed for about an hour because I was soooo exhausted from the heat. Then I got dressed and went to meet my friend at a bar near my house. I didn’t feel like going, but I promised, so I felt obligated. OH, WHY DID I GOOOO? I ended up eating horrible bar food. French fries and fried chicken wings to be exact! I also had Malibu coconut rum and pineapple juice (x3). I haven’t had a drink in months, so why I drank this night beats the hell out of me. I just promise not to do it again. I felt like CRAP all day Sunday! I was completely sluggish and tired. I had a stomach ache too. I couldn’t even eat. Everything I put into my mouth made my stomach cramp up. And on top of it all, I hadn’t been able to have a BM in like 3 days! I was all screwed up! Sunday morning, I got up and took the kids to the pool. I was able to force down a banana for breakfast. Lunch was dried cereal (Quaker oatmeal squares). I also ate a ridiculous amount of popcorn at Target while we were shopping with my grandma. My stomach hurt so bad after that, that I didn’t eat anything else for the rest of the day. What I did was go to bed! As soon as I got home from taking my grandma shopping. It was probably around 7pm when I went to bed for the night.

Sunday’s Weigh-In:

This week: 172

Last week: 173

Monday:

Started my new job. Worked up until lunch time.

B: banana, yogurt (gave me a stomach ache)

S: trail mix (stomach ache)

L: baked chicken (skin removed), broccoli (more stomach ache)

***TMI ALERT***: I was finally able to go to the bathroom, and haven’t been able to stop since. Seems like every 15 mins or so, I’m running back! waaaaaahhhh! I just feel like crying :’(

I don’t know if I’ll be eating anything else today. Everything I eat seems to make my stomach cramp up horribly. I feel bloated and gross. My tummy just keeps gurgling and bubbling.

Oh, and I haven’t worked out since Friday