I guess I run now

or I’m trying to anyway.

 

on chocolate Easter bunnies and loneliness…

I imagine quite a few of us are thinking of chocolate bunnies today…my goal is to convince myself that a random Sunday in March doesn’t justify indulging in candy.

On the surface that makes sense, but beneath the surface is the little girl who woke up disappointed this morning because there wasn’t a giant Easter basket waiting for me at the end of my bed…my mom always indulged us at Easter & not with those crappy drugstore or big-box store baskets filled with junk candy, no, I’m talking pure, solid milk chocolate everything from the best candy store in town.

She’s alone this Easter. My sister and bro-in-law are at his folks’ house. I wish I was there with her…we’d have a grand old time just the two of us. I miss her & my trip out there this summer can’t come soon enough!

Instead, she’s alone & I’m alone some 1,000 miles away. Sucks. Hubby’s back at school, but he’ll spend the day with friends. I used to have friends before I moved here…Chicks, please remember the new single women, the widows, the divorces, the long-distance marriage women who come into your life. Most people don’t…most people assume someone else has befriended us and made room for us at their holiday tables.

I remember when my dad died, all their friends basically dropped my mom. At the time I thought it was cause they felt awkward being happy around her, but I think I know different now.

Oh sure, my colleagues will ask me out for a quick cup of coffee, a single beer after work, and even the occasional lunch, but these, for me, “big social events” are few and far between, maybe once a month for one of them if I’m lucky. The only time they’ve asked me to their homes or out for dinner is with the disclaimer, “hey, if [hubby]’s in town this weekend, we should all get together.”

Great. The one time when I’m not guaranteed to be spending the whole weekend talking to the dog & that’s the only time they want to spend time together. Of course, even those invites have been few and far between over the last long and lonely 2 years.

Wow, listen to me. Someone break out the violins it’s time for a pity party at my place. Okay, so the Easter plan. I’m going to be good to myself, but this whole lonely thing has been a major contributor to my packing on 20 pounds in the last two years, so there’s no excuse for over-indulging. It’s Easter, so I’m going to order the lamb korma rather than the chicken when I get my Indian take out tonight. The takeout itself is a treat since I’ve been trying to stay away from restaurants where I can’t control the ingredients.

Okay, so it’s more calories than I usually allow at dinner, but the rules apply: salad and munchies must be consumed, 7-inch plate, small portion, and eating at the table. The entree is different, but everything else remains the same. Oh, maybe not everything…tonight I’m having dessert! Instead of dangerous chocolate bunnies, I made up some fat & sugar free instant chocolate pudding & will have one of those with some lovely fat free cool whip!

& since I’m sticking with this eating at the table thing, yesterday I splurged and bought some fun new placemats to replace my 6-year-old ones that the dog gnawed on at one point. Makes dinner more festive, I think. But that doesn’t mean dinner is supposed to be this BIG EVENT…it’s just an occasion for getting some good nutrition & fuel into my body, nothing more and nothing less.

Happy Easter to all the chicks who celebrate it & happy weekend to everyone else!

Filed under : General
By bigprof
On March 23, 2008
At 11:34 am
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