Yesterday, I went to the doctor because I haven’t been sleeping very well and I’m sick of yelling at people all day because of it. I don’t want to get hoarse for shitssake. But, I should’ve known it wasn’t going to go well when I had just pulled out my damn Ellen book in the waiting room to read and the damn nurse chirped loudly in front of me, “HANNAH!” I jumped up and she glared at me. I closed the book and walked with her behind the doors. I saw the scale coming and I was hoping that this time we’d pass it by. Nope.

“Can I get you to hop up on here?” the nurse asked, assuming that I “hop”–I wanted to say, ‘Look bitch the only time I hop is once a year when I see that Cadbury Eggs are back.’ Instead, I made a show of taking off my jacket and debated under her cool stare whether or not I should take off my shoes or to tell her I had just eaten a huge wrap sandwich and drank a soda and it might affect my weight drastically–like at least by 20 pounds.

When I hopped up on the scale I saw that I’d nearly gained back all of the 10 pounds I had lost this past year. I was determined to eat nothing but air Watermelon Jolly Ranchers and drink nothing but water from then onwards. Luckily, I scored some Ambien so I felt better by the time I left, but I had to walk past that wretched scale and the damn nurse with the chipping fingernail polish who knows my awful truth and doesn’t realize my shoes alone weigh at least 5 pounds, probably, maybe, not…

Today, I weighed myself at the gym after a treadmill session and was pleased to see that the scale was down almost 6 pounds since yesterday. (Note: I did take off my shoes and didn’t eat a wrap) I called my Mother and told her the weight at the doctor’s office and she said, “You know, you can’t trust those scales at the doctor’s office. They set them so everyone weighs more so they can bitch at you about it at your appointment. Everyone knows that.”

Actually Mom, I didn’t know that, nor do I really believe it. But from now on I’m going with it. But, since the doctor’s scale disaster I did have a few positives…I’ve come up with and re-assessed my goals.

New Goals:

Be at my goal weight (60 pounds down) by my next driver’s license photo.

Lose 6 pounds in the next month (by the regular scale’s standards).

Don’t believe everything my Mother says…