Last night my boyfriend and I went out to meet some friends. And I had to work late and miss my regular gym time. If that weren’t awful enough I ate tater tots dipped in blue cheese at the restaurant…if that weren’t bad enough we also went to the candy store and when we brought our goodies in to share with our pals I ate nearly all of the gummies and chocolates and if that weren’t bad enough I also mowed down the entire bag of white cheddar popcorn.
Then on the ride home I I asked my man, “Isn’t Monica’s boyfriend waaaaaaaay fatter than last time we saw him?!” As I digested my regrets at 80 miles an hour I went on and on about how fat he is only to get to the coffeeshop and realize one of our so-called friends had snapped a HIDEOUS pic of me and posted it on my Facebook page. I had the thickest double chin this side of Mama June. I just hope I don’t get the crusty neck or I’d have to cut off my own head. Then I remembered what I’d eaten and discovered that I was no one to call anyone else’s boyfriend fat and I cried…a lot.
So, despite not having gone to the gym for a few days this morning I was determined to have my double-chin wagging double-time on the treadmill. And, not give a shit about the hot blonde muscle man next to me who wasn’t sweating and dying. When I was about to leave I walked up to the scale to confront my tater tot addiction head-on…and to see if I could actually see down there anymore with my chin growth and all. And to my surprise, the scale was missing.
I am purposely NOT buying a scale so as to not obsess and to have to go to the gym to weigh myself so I was devastated to see it gone and immediately took it as an omen and a blessing that I wasn’t the one who had busted it. But then I saw it’s cord threading into the bathroom. Perfect. No one else will be witness to my weight gain. I popped into the bathroom and stripped NAKED and weighed myself to find that I had actually lost weight! The old me would be stoked to find that I ate candy and tater tots and lost weight the new me decided to cut my ties with them as I hopped up and down in delight…until I realized I was in my stocking feet in a semi-public bathroom.
So here’s to a better week of eating and defriending skanks who post shitty pics of me online.
Weight Loss to Date: 7.6
Weeks to go: 54
Pounds to go: 57.4
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