Yesterday I was supposed to do my weigh-in for week 3. But, I was too full of vodka and steak to get my ass to the gym to get the official total.

Let’s recap: I am setting out to lose 65 pounds in 65 weeks. The first week I didn’t gain nor lose anything. The second week I gained 1.4 pounds. This should make it clear as to why I didn’t drop my red meat and run to the scale and why I had an extra piece of steak.

So, I may be a day late but the total is in. If I look at my weight from last week I have LOST a total of 4 pounds. But, from my original goal (not counting the 1.4 I gained in week two) I have officially lost 2.6 pounds. I was so excited I came home and had a Spam sandwich (it was a big celebration so I actually had three Spamwiches…on tiny buns).

I haven’t tried anything new as far as my weight loss regime goes. However, one of my many motivations to lose the weight besides having better sex and feeling like I have more energy and control over my mouth is to inspire my mother to lose weight as well. Basically, she keeps yammering on about how she wants grandkids but the rate she is gaining weight and not taking care of herself vs. the rate my brother and I are reproducing it may be a few years before she either has a grandchild or drops dead. It’s a race…or so I thought.

About a week ago she declared she wasn’t going to use table salt on anything because it’s bad for her. Outwardly, this meant every time she had a meal she went on and on saying alternatively, “I don’t even MISS table salt!” and “If you use the Mrs. Dash you have to use A LOT, it doesn’t have much flavor otherwise.” About a week and half into her table salt-free lifestyle she came home from a doctor’s appointment to declare, “I’ve lost 12 pounds.” 12 POUNDS!

While I am happy for her I fear that I will drop dead in shock before the grandchild factory can open. She is kicking my ass. Maybe she’ll have to adopt a new child herself to keep up with her and let me and my brother off the hook.

I was going to attempt her table salt-free lifestyle but I hardly ever even use table salt. I am going to take the next few days to devise a new weight loss strategy and in the meantime try to be happy for her while I am choking on Mrs. Dash dust clouds.

Pounds Lost: 2.6

Pounds to Go: 62.4