Like anyone on a diet over the holidays I feared the onslaught of holiday cheer. This means threats from my mother to finish my food and to pile on more and, “Don’t you want some of these? They are REALLY good.” I survived all of that…sort of. I ate until I felt guilty and stopped and then chalked up the extra calories to Christmas, not lack of self control.

But the real horror awaited me under the tree…

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about nine months now and have never spent Christmas together. I watched him come into my parents home loaded down with presents. I picked up each of the THREE bags that he had for me. The first two were light and the third was heavy. It was way too heavy to be the purse I had seen in a store window and said to him, “I WANT THAT PURSE. THE GRAY ONE!!!” A few days after I told him this the purse was gone. Being curious and making sure he didn’t spend more on my gift than I did on his (yeah, this is what Christmas is about right?) I went inside and asked how much the remaining bag of the same style cost. It was $95. Then I reveled for a week thinking he’d gone way over the $50 price cap because I was such a princess.

I lifted the holiday bag again and was convinced it was the purse and he’d filled it with perfume and nail polish.

When it came time to open the gifts I ran to the heavy bag and started throwing aside the wrapping paper he’d crumpled on top. I think he used wrapping paper in case I would peek inside and see through tissue paper…either that or he was out of tissue paper (probably the case). I caught a glimpse of something silver. Not gray. I pulled out a tin of chocolates. “Thanks babe,” I said, already tearing through to the next gift…two chocolate bars. Then a final gift surfaced amongst the paper–another box of chocolates. “Babe, what’s with the chocolates?” I asked (instead of saying, “Thank you.”)

“Remember that time you said no man has ever bought you chocolates before?” he asked.

I pretended to think hard for a second but really thought, Who the fuck said that to you? Some other unknown girlfriend you are getting me mixed up with?

“I don’t remember saying that…thanks though, chocolate is great.”

“Oh, you said it,” he said.

I gave him a blank stare and a hug. Then I wondered who was opening that fucking purse this Christmas.

A few hours later I remembered saying that no man has ever bought me chocolates. By then though, it was too late. I already seemed unappreciative and had told him I was on a diet. Next Christmas no price cap and no food items…or maybe just one box of chocolates would be alright…