Pretty Little Big Girl

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Jazzy February 11, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 7:58 am



I have been holding on to three DVDs from Netflix since last week, going to start doing them today.  First on the lineup – Bellydance Fitness Fusion for Beginners with Suhaila: Jazz.  Lets hope its a little more exciting than the cover, you know what they say…never judge a book blah blah blah.  I am excited to try it, will review before I move on to the other two delicious sounding routines I ordered!


Oh yes, and Whoosh I did.  WI at 266 this morning.  Woot.



Cupcake Mayhem February 10, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 8:22 pm

Well, had both my first real pitfall and my first real NSV in the same week – regarding the same batches of cupcakes.  Not all that bad!


Backstory:  I will be doing 250 cupcakes for a wedding next month, so allll of last week was what I call in my house – “cupcake mayhem”. On Sunday I brought a pile of cupcakes to the bride to give her ideas about I can make.   4 Different flavors, 3 buttercream flavors  (mmmmm buttercream…..)  I am NOT even going to get into the deliciousness, the flavors, the textures…..I am just going to say  that I did ‘taste test’, I had to.  I guess I just didn’t need to test as much as I did. Well…I am still me.

Reality: Every spare minute and every spare dollar I had went to this mayhem, therefore, I was not properly prepared for the week.  I didn’t plan a solid menu and didn’t have anything left over for buying it anyway ($106 grocery bill on this damn FREE CUPCAKE TESTING! WTF was I thinking?!)  So, we found out what happens when I haphazardly throw together a crappy meal plan, sample waaaay too many cupcakes and dip into the bowl of buttercream frosting.  No weight loss to record.   

NSV:  I stayed honest.  I KNEW I had more cupcakes than I needed but I used my handy recipe calculator and I recorded each sin.  I KNEW I had too much, but I KNEW what I was spending.  It was like a shopping spree at the dollar store.  Its all crap, nobody needs it and a full cart is still a lot of money…..but its pretty damn satisfying while you’re there.  If that meant I was having a heaping plate of green beans for supper, OK. No gain. 


Now, that cucpake junk DID lead to other junk.  2 Packages candy from the commissary at work.  Salty, processed lunch while bartending.  Again, I still counted the calories and I stayed within 200 of my target.  Did you read that above? No gain! I stayed accountable and cutback after something bad. 


So, Moral of the story, I’m not saying it was a good week. I’m saying – Look at meee! I didn’t give up!  I didn’t throw in the towel and binge.  I didn’t pretend that single serving size bag of potato chips didn’t just happen and then had a candybar (that also ‘didn’t happen’ – What, YOU didn’t see it? I didn’t see it either.  Didn’t happen. What candybar?)  

 No.  I owned it.  I recorded it. I planned it into my day and ate less later. I swelled up like a balloon because I haven’t had processed food for a month, but I owned it.


Ok, that was last week.  No Loss, but no gain.  I had a strong WI today at 268.0 and I can feel a whoosh coming.  This week has been fantastic.  I made a good meal plan, hit lots of sales on my pantry staples and have been getting in all my water.  *This week’s star supper is a small Lemon Pepper Chicken Breast, Asperagus and cherry tomatoes sauteed with garlic and half a small sweet potato with coarse ground pepper and ICBINB spray.  SO GOOD!  All I can think about is how much better it not only tastes, but FEELS, than my bar lunch or any cupcake.  I have come back from the darkside with fresh eyes and renewed tastebuds!


School of Life January 19, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 7:57 pm

The closer I get to 30 years in this body the better I am getting to know it, and that pleases me immensely. 🙂  Here are some things I have come to understand (the hard way) about myself, and are making this time around easier.


1. I will just keep getting bigger.  And bigger.  And bigger.

 I have realized that left to my own devices I will just keep getting bigger.   Until there is a Discovery Health show about me or I die.  That is just me.  That is just who I am, how I am.  On some level, for some reason, my mind or my body wants to be big. I don’t want to be, so I have to stop it.


2. I don’t do well with variety, and that is OK.

I found a formula that works well for me.  In the past I have gone whole hog and filled my kitchen and pantry with all things healthy, I don’t want to get bored and fall off the wagon right?!  Not right. This habit always led to a distraction from my goals, bored snacking and overeating…overeating all of that healthy and wholesome food.

Now, I plan one or two small grocery shopping trips per week.  This is the system I have found works best for me to have in the house, and what I’m eating this week:

1 breakfast item/ Oatmeal packet and chopped apple

1 or 2 main dishes and maybe pot of soup/ Dt. Coke chicken (on own, as salad or on sandwich thin), individual meatloaf, broccoli soup

2 veggie side/ asparagus, broccoli

2 daytime snack choices / banana or carrots and cukes with homemade light ranch

2 evening snack choices / airpopped popcorn or SF Jello

I eat relatively the same thing everyday, but I find that with this consistancy I have so much less instance of overeating.  I have had a healthy serving of Dt Coke chicken almost everyday this week so I’m not suddenly tempted to have an extra large serving because its ‘a new yummy dish’.


3. Carbs beget carbs.

In the past I have used relatively low calorie and inexpensive options to fill out my daily meals even when I was ‘on plan’, but that was the past.  I have to limit my carbs because they do trigger a tailspin for me.  I can have them.  I can’t have them 7 days a week and I wont have them in more than one meal per day. 


4. I don’t care if you don’t like it, drink yo damn watah!

And keep drinking it!  Because I have to.  I loose weight faster, my skin looks better and I feel better.


5. I am not 21 anymore.  SLEEP: not too much, not too little. 

Early to bed, early to rise, get a jump on the dishes and enjoy the morning.  That works for me.  OK, less of a weight loss thing, more of a self care thing, and it feels gooood.


Thats it.  Weighed in Tuesday at 271. Two weeks and 9 lbs. I’m pretty happy about that but what am I really happy about?  I stuck through the second week slump that usually gets me.  You know the one, loose greart the first week then get frustrated when you have to go through most of the second week flip flopping but not loosing “rightnowrightthisminute!!!!”  (because I have also realized that I am a nut about instant gratification)


Today, I Will Dance. January 9, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 8:38 am

I hate working out. 


I will get to working out at the local gym, I know I have to. But not yet.   I have a small library of work out videos, I hate them too. Bah. In real life I am a people pleaser and I would work this big ass off for a class instructor I liked! Buuuut, I challenge any instructor living inside my TV to motivate this girl.  So, I rebel and slack off after the novelty of a new routine has worn off.


Pandora gave me a good idea yesterday morning, as I danced around my living room waiting for my hair to dry….Dance.  Just dance.  That is activity. It gets my heart pumping.   Its fun, pretty fun actually. This big girl can move when no one is watching, well, hold on……whose kidding who here? See me out at a bar or a street dance and after about 8 beers I’m going with the best of ’em.  But I digress.  I got on ITunes – loaded my Ipod with music I can dance to, installed a cute little curtain over the front door window (just in case), and rearranged my living room furniture.  Today, and tomorrow, I will dance.


Still Kicking January 7, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 4:42 pm

Here is what I have been up to:   I have been recording all food and meals here.  I found out, the frustrating way, that the program  my HI Co. uses for meal planning and prepairing is just too simple for real life. Ugh, pain the ass.  I will still follow and maintain an account there, I get points for participation that I can redeem for gift cards and prizes – My 2011 goal is to earn a $250 Target gift card by next December!  I am a rebel in the kitchen and I rarely follow a recipe so this site has been a great help.  I had an ah-may-zing salad tonight for supper, unfortunately I worked out the calories AFTER I ate it.  Ugh.  I stayed within my target for calories today, so that is okay, buuuuuuut ya know, its a salad for petes sake. Those add ons really add up!  Lesson learned. Tomorrows salad will be a little more realistic.




And, well, of course, Facebook. 🙂 A little too much time there, as always.


Here. I. Go. Again…..again. January 4, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 7:45 pm

Yea, I can’t help but laugh a little.  Just a little. 


It is January of a new year, who doesn’t say they will really do it this time?  Seriously though. I didn’t do it for my best friend’s wedding. I didn’t do it for the trip to Europe. I didn’t do it for my sister’s wedding. BUT I have to believe that I will do it for my 30s.  This month marks 1.5 years until my 30 Birthday.  I am not doing this *for the day I turn 30, I am not doing this *for the Vegas trip where Cookie and I are going to ring in our 30th year. I AM doing this for the rest of my adult life, because I didn’t do it in my 20s and it is only uphill from here.  Don’t get me wrong, I think everyone gets better with age – especially me since I am officially a ‘woman child’. However (comma) I don’t want to wake up on June 28th, 2012 Fat, Single and 30 – because the only one of those words that is negative is the one that I can do something about.  So. I’m back. Doing something about it.


I will not be recording my meals this time around, I have joined an incentive program with my *new job*’s health insurance company. I will be recording my food and activity there, maybe I will post a recipe or two here though.  This will still by my little journal through the process.


DId you catch that *new job* part? I was miserable in the city where I was living (so unhappy that I gained 15 lbs since my last post….. yea, thats what I said.)  I have never been one to be unhappy so I made a life change.  The idea rolled around in my head for a few months but once the decision was made….oh. it was on. In August I moved back to my home town area and I couldn’t be happier. I found a fantastic new job that I love and I have benefits now, which is a huge relief. *cue clouds parting, light from the heavens and angels singing*.  I moved to the teeeeeeny tiny town where my father was born and raised, 15 minutes from where my mother was born and raised and 20 minutes from where my sister has settled down with her sweet farmboy.  I couldn’t be happier.  I’m a 911 dispatcher by the way, and in my small county the 911 dispatcher is also a deputy dispatcher and corrections officer (which is a somewhat bizarre shift in careers, from a loving and gentle massage therapist for the past 10 years!) I will probably comment on that a few times as well!


Ummm…..that 15 pounds, by the way, makes a huge ass difference.  Not just in the huge ass kind of way, but in knee pain, a new size, wanting to live in elastic pants and toenails that havent been painted since Halloween kind of way.   Wow. 


No rest for the wicked. May 18, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 10:22 pm

At some point I really do need to address this bedtime thing.  Boo. 

I understand that a good and healthy routine involves plenty of sleep for my body, but I am lonely and put off going to bed seemingly every night. 

It is midnight now, so I need to keep this quick.  Nothing juicy, just recording my daily menu for my own personal referance.


8:30 am light yogurt.   10:30 Venti skinny machiato from Starbucks.



Same veggie salad (1 TBS homemade oil/vinegar dressing), BBQ chicken breast with 1 TBS cheddar cheese and 7 Grain 100 Cal. Deli Round.



Same large veggie salad (1 TBS homemade dressing, I just love it! Once I have it perfected it I will post the recipe here.)  Same Vegan Veggie Burger,  with 1 Tbs. cheddar cheese, as last night.  Served on a Deli Round, lettuce, tomato, pickles, ketchup.  1 C. Baked Beans – I meant to have less, but didn’t even think about the tasting I did.  I thought twice after I was already done, wanting to be honest and NOT in denial – I went back and measured my leftovers and compaired to the serving size listed on the can.  🙁  Nice going!  Ugh.


Ok hmmm… of the boys at work gave me a handful of peanut M&Ms – I ate them.

One of the girls at work had RF chex mix – I had 2 handfuls.


Fun Tidbit:

Have you even been to  It is kind of Ah-May-Zing.  My heart melted and I had missed my evening walk and any good shows tonight because I was reading back into the archives.  There are daily posts so this is something I will make part of my morning ritual.  Some are oneliners, some are all out poems, most will move you.  They are so simple, prolific, beautiful, romantic, challenging….everything.  I can barely handle it.   My personal favorite is The Children of Time.  I have bookmarked it, and would love to do something with it.  Hmmm…my crafty wheels are turning….I’ll keep you posted.

 *GASP* and “The World You Can Not Fly In”   heartbreakingly beautiful, so much emotion in so little words.  I really am NOT a poetry person, generally it annoys me, but this writer I think lives inside of me and knows exactly what I need to hear. 

Good night 🙂 


Bush League. May 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 8:23 pm


















Well, I made it back to real life!  Barely….but I did.

After a few hours of work on Saturday, made it back to my hometown in the early afternoon.   Met my parents for a couple drinks at a little small town bar on the way – picked up my sister and then met Cookie and her broham, we four did a little backroading (me in my wedge platforms….of course…) got to the bar early – skipped supper – I was stubborn and I was not going to eat there (The only veggie to be found is either garnishing a drink or stuffed with cream cheese and deep fried….) so I skipped supper, which ultimately proved to my disadvantage.  I crashed like a college kid.  Bush league.  Didn’t make it to the bonfire after barclose, did make Cookie’s brother spoon with me on the couch – I believe this was against his will,  I did loose my phone, my shoes, let the indoor car outside and lost track of some of the night.  Phone, shoes and cat were all found safely.  What? I like being barefoot 😉 

Sunday morning I couldn’t handle life very well.  I had two microwaved corndogs – I actally think I was still drunk when I made them, I hate those things) 2 homemade small homemade doughnuts when I got to moms, cucumber pieces, RF crackers and big hunks of cheese and summer sausage at moms also.  That was all by about 1 in the afternoon.  Unfortunately the hangover was the creeping type and by 1:30 I wanted to crawl in a hole and quietly pass away.  I met Cookie at her apartment in the next city (on my way back to my city) and stayed there. We rehydrated and around 8 o’clock started to feel like real people again.  We were also making better choices, we chose Pita Pit over pizza. I had a turkey pita loaded with veggies, and baked chips.

Here is my Monday – A bit of a rough day – My stomach was growling the whole time, I wasn’t just noshing I felt genuinely HUNGRY.



8:30 a.m. Light Yogurt  10:30 a.m. very famished 2 slices whole grain toast with grape jelly



12:00 Carrots and Celery with ranch dressing, plain turkey sandwich on wheat – 1 slice of provolone, tomatoe and lettuce.  2 Lindt Truffles



8 ish: Vegan Veggie Burger, 100 cal Deli Round, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, 1 tbs. cheddar cheese

Large Vegetable Salad – romaine lettuce, red onion, grape tomatoes, black olives, cukes, 2 Tbs. homemade dressing (oil, vinegar, light MW, italian seasoning, garlic powder, onion powder, pepper, salt)



mid morning – Large Fountain Dt. Pepsi

was starving at 4:30 – another slice of whole grain bread with grape jelly

5:30p.m. – 100 cal deli round with slice of moz. cheese 

Frozen Light Yogurt for dessert (Have you ever froze Yoplait Whips?? Wonderful! – and YES I was still hungry after supper!)  Enough is enough, at this point I guzzled two big glasses of crystal light hoping to get my stomach full.






Made another grocery trip.   Picked up new tomatoes ($0.98 lb!) BBQ Sauce for just over a dollar, more deli rounds, Lettuce and 4 baby potatoes.

I think I am relying too much on carbs (though they are whole grains when I can choose), so I plan on making a big batch of BBQ chicken so I can snack and focus my meals on that.  I know I HAD a great healthy crockpot BBQ recipe – not too sugary, not too processed – but for the life of me I can’t remember and I was AT the store and the sauce was on sale, dang it!  I knew I wanted to put them in tonight.  Also, tomorrow I will go walking! 



Does anyone have an EASY but healthier BBQ chicken recipe?  I remember something I used to make with Dt. Coke. 


May 14, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 9:46 pm


Short demin jacket, capri leggings, cute wedges, funky necklace and a flower in my hair.  I might not hate having to go into work tomorrow.













I went shopping for a couple hours after work today, any way to get in a little more movement, I bought two jersey dresses (navy blue and black) at OldNavy….so flattering and only $20!  Oh I swear, I am known for being the girl who is always in a dress – but I can’t help it.  Truly – they are wonderful little things.  The stylish, broke, lazy woman’s best friend.  I don’t think it gets any easier than a great summer dress, and I love feeling so feminine.

 Also bought a fabulous necklace at “Plus Size Consignment”  **sidenote: REALLY?!  They can’t think of a better name?  I feel like everytime I walk in I am screaming to the street “HELLO!! I am fat AND poor!”  But…oh well…I am not one to turn down a good deal**

Ok – back to work:

BREAKFAST:  Ran into a few snags at work so breakfast was late.  10a.m. had light yogurt, 10:30/11:00 I had a kashe trail mix bar.


1:30  Our first gorgeous day in a month!  I went yard sailing on my hour lunch break today, so I got a little bit more movement in than I normally would have.  Bought a small George Foreman Grill for $7!  I will be the master of all chicken breasts……

Thought I would be going home for lunch so I didn’t pack anything, had to play hooky on that idea so I stopped at the truckstop right near my work.  I had a plain turkey sandwich with slice of provolone, lettuce, onion and tomatoe on wheat bread and carrot sticks with light ranch.  Was very tastey.


8:00 100 cal Deli Round with rotisserie chicken pieces, lettuce, onion, tomatoe, slice of mozzerela and an apple.  2 glasses of Dt. coke.


1/2 large fountain Dt. Coke.  Needed a mid day pickme up that didn’t involve a giant sugar cookie.

Kashi trailmix bar at 6p.m.



1.  After shopping, but before dinner, I realized I forgot pop and ice at the CStore near my apartment.  I got my purse and lugged it downstairs and was thisclose to getting back into my car – but, as I said – what I am really working on is making the best possible choices that I can at any given moment.  I knew a better choice would be to hoof it to the Cstore on my own two feet, and so I did.  It was a lovely walk through my neighborhood on a beautiful evening!

2.  Did not get the chicken salad croissant at the truckstop. MMM its my favorite. 

3.  Did a good job keeping movement incorporated into my day.   (I noticed that I had gotten to a point where I sat at a desk all day, except for short intervals,  then go home and lounge on the couch in my jammies untill bedtime.   Not healthy, or attractive.


Going home for the weekend, can’t wait to see Cookie!  Friends and Family all want me to find a nice little farmboy back home and …..well….I have to be home to do that.  So, I am considering this trip an investment.





Having a few cocktails…. May 13, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bigbluestar @ 5:28 pm


Light Yogurt 8am, about 10am a Kashi Trail Mix Bar.


Leftover Linguine, brauburn apple – 1pm


100 Cal 7 grain Deli Round, some rotisserie chicken and slice of mozzerella, about 5 pm


Chocolate and Grain Kashi Bar, around 4 pm

Slice of Deli Mozzerella

A few Rum and Dt. Cokes at home – it was that kind of day!



I should probably stop drinking my Rum and Dt. Cokes, but they taste so good tonight.  I should also have a veggie at some point today.  It has been raining nonstop here for two weeks, so I have only gone walking once.   I am going to go walking tomorrow morning, no matter rain or shine.  It is supposed to let up sometime soon, lets hope there will be some sun by the time I get out there!

I just saw Jeniffer Hudson’s latest WW commercial – she looks amazing! 



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