Bellissa’s Input

That workout kicked my butt! It was only about 40 minuets but it was intense racquetball.  Relaxing in the leisure pool and hot tub was nice. My legs still feel like rubber and I could take a nap right now. Food is looking okay for today. Woke up at 12:30 had ”breakfast” 3 sliced turkey bacon, 1 egg scrambled, 5.5oz low sodium V-8. Dinner: Chicken salad from Chipotle; romaine lettuce, black beans, fresh salsa, chicken, extra cheese. Snack: 1/2c l/f cottage cheese. Snack: Slim-a-bear ice cream sandwich.

Oh how neglectful to not concern yourself with what you are putting in your mouth. How idiotic. In the struggle to loose weight and gain confidence, little slip ups do matter. They matter so much because they add up. I’ve gained 10 pounds. That cuts my weight loss in half. 197.8, sickening. My poor body.

There are so many different remedies to losing weight out there. So many offers and promises, especially in the new year. We all know there is no magic. It’s called consistency. Consistency in both diet and exercise. If you don’t care about yourself to take care of the only body you have, then what type of person are you? My career of choice is to become an RN. What good will I be to patients if I lose my breath from walking from room to room? What good can I do caring for others if I am constantly concerned with what’s wrong with me?

Consistency is the answer. For grades, for relationships, for health, for life. But how… I suppose just do it and not think. Ride it out. Make it habit.

It’s 7:00 so here is what I’ve eaten exclusive of dinner.

Breakfast 1 Egg, scrambled-3 slices turkey bacon- 5.5 oz V8 low sodium
Lunch: Wendy’s Baja Salad; no dressing, no chips. Chili and guacamole.
Snack: 2 Grande Skinny Caramel Macchiato’s, 3 chocolate covered pretzels, 1 chocolate and peanut butter covered rod.
Tentative dinner: Homemade taco seasoning, cheddar cheese baked chicken breast, salad with cheese and balsamic vinaigrette.
Water consumption: As of now, 4oz. Consume ~60 more.
Going to try to do some simple yoga with the boy.

Happy 1-1-11.

Tomorrow’s plan- Start the day with yoga, got to library, recreational center to play racquetball, swim and relax in the hot tub.

There’s nothing more comforting to me on a cold winter day than some good friends, board games and catching up.  Good people and not so good for you food.  Totally  oblivious, you find that between laughter and conversation you’ve polished off a fair share of pizza and a few sodas not to mention sweet treats… you’re not even sure how many Hershey kisses you’ve consumed. But you had such control throughout the day, and normally you don’t let others influence you. You’re headstrong and have your own opinion, you have an independent spirit and people often turn to you for advice. What is it about bad food and good conversation that tempts one so?

I suppose I should insert my ode to junk food, personifying junkfood… haha.

You make me happy and you make me sad,
I’m not quite sure how much I’ve had.
You’re there for celebrations, you’re there for relaxations.
I try to free myself from your temptation but you lure me in,
You’re always there for me, but all I want is to be thin.
Once you touch my lips
You always find a place to settle on my hips.
You make the mirror tell no lie,
You are there to comfort me when I cry.

I put you out, then I take you back,
Tomorrow I say, I’ll be back on track.
Tomorrow has alluded my mind,
Your sweet temptation is just too kind.
There has to be a secret, please let me know,
How to forever let you go.

That’s my rant for today.

My title has nothing to do with being a vampire and the inability to no longer see a physical reflection, but rather looking in the mirror and seeing someone you do not recognize. You see someone you promised you wouldn’t let yourself become, someone who is masking your true self. Blatantly staring back at you is the reflection of the person you’ve become from the bad choices you’ve made, and the times you’ve neglected yourself. The person who said way too many ‘yeses’ and not nearly enough no’s. Yes, this is the person that you’ve become, but it’s not really you.

You are a happy, fun-loving, self-respecting, confident person. You are one of a kind. You are all that you dream you could be… underneath.

It may seem a bit harsh or too wordy, but that’s how I feel. My poor choices have me trapped in my own body, unable to live life to the fullest. I’ve tried many times to lose the weight, and some times it worked, for a while…

This time it will work. I am armed with the correct tools, the best support, the ambition, the education and the experience. I am on the South Beach Diet, round 2 for phase 1. Some personal trials and tribulations beyond my control (new onset anxiety) made me gain back some of the 20 pounds that I shed the first time around. But here I am. Armed. Reared. Ready to go.