week 28: -400g

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Another 400g gone, that`s another whole kg: This morning, I weigh exactly 62kg.

Despite having a bit of a chocolate frenzy on Monday I was somehow feeling slimmer. I just felt it. :-)

week 27: -200lb

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Stats at beginning, 27 weeks ago:

weight: 71,6kg (74,6, actually, at the very beginning)

waist: 87.5cm (… and who knows what my measurements were…)

belly: 107cm

hips: 108cm

stats today (end of week 21):

weight: 62,2kg (-9.4kg)

waist: 74,5cm (-12)

belly: 94.0cm (-10)

hips: 99.5cm (-8.5)

thighs: 59cm and 57.5cm (-4,5 and -6.5cm)

… and I`ve been clothes shopping (again) and fitted in two size 10 pullovers and one size S cardigan! Size 12 was definitely too large, and although these pullovers might have been an exception, this means that I have achieved my goal with them, of fitting into a size 10! :-)

6 months into it…

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It`s mid November, which means that it`s been 6 months since I changed my diet and lifestyle. My journey actually began in January, but after it was very tentative and slow initially, I decided to really give it a go mid May.

If anyone had given me the plan then and told me: “Follow it, and you will lose 20lb in 6 months!” I might well have rejected it.

The programme sounds restrictive (it is, but it doesn`t feel it because I no longer want the things I restrict as much), suggests starvation (I eat much less, but that`s fine because my appetite has diminished greatly!) and the excercise too tiring and time consuming (It`s not because I`ve now got boundless energy AND motivation!). In comparison to the programme, the weight loss sounds meager and just not worth it. I wasn`t as unhappy being large as I envisaged myself following a plan like this!

But I`ve now done it and lost 20lb. When I first decided on what to do it was the thought that I may not stick to it anyway which took the huge sense of committment, yes, even fear, away from me and made me just start.

It then was the (initially very fast!) weight loss success, sense of fullness with much less food, disappearance of cravings and increase of running speed which kept me going.

… and suddenly, it became a lifestyle.

There`s no going back. It`s not a diet which I`ll stop once I have reached target. No, that`s it. That`s how I eat and how I excercise now.

I do not long for the things (e.g. quantities of things!) which are no longer included in my lifestyle. I have attained something much better in turn: I`m finally slim, and although I eventually want to lose a few more lbs, the urgency has gone as I already love the way I look!

Hang in there girls, even if it`s hard at times! You`ll come out at the other end, look back and be ever so glad that you stuck with it!

Image Consultant

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After having to postpone it the last time I finally had my session this morning! It was great! To anyone who is contemplating to do something like that - go for it!

the session lasted 2 hours.

We started by determining my style personality through a questionnaire. The lady then showed me a few scrapbooks with fashion clippings, each one standing for a particular style personality. My favourites almost matched with the results of my questionnaire:

My personality is feminine-romantic, aspiring to city chick but, particularly in my spare time, is actually more often natural (which I `d like to change as it makes me feel frumpy). Her advice to me was to bear in mind feminine-romantic city-chick when I next go shopping, and I got a few tipps on how to adapt my spare time wardrobe to reflect this.

We then looked at my body shape and spent the rest of the time going through the clothes I brought, discussing what works for me and why and what does not work for me.

That bit was lovely. She asked me what I thoguht I was and showed me a few photos. I thought I knew the right answer: “I was an apple and now, I`m a pear!” - “No, I think you are a neat hourglass, maybe somewhere between a neat hourglass and a round hourglass! You are the shape which most women aspire to and not difficult to dress at all!” That was soo nice to hear!

At the end I got a book with tipps, and there is this section “What to distract from”. 6 months ago, this would have been my belly and thunder thighs and muffin top and puffy face. All she wrote was “height”. Because I`m short. That`s something I cannot influence, of course, and it`s something which rarely bothers me, either.

That was so sweet! I cannot describe that feeling! I`ve had body issues for so ling and that was a professional image consultant telling me that there is nothing wrong with me, apart from the fact that I`m a little on the short side! That alone was worth the price for the session!

But I got loads of other things out of it, too, which I have started to action: I made a list of clothes I want to buy and have taken to the loft some things which do not work for me currently. These were mainly things I never really felt comfortable in anyway. And the confidence I feel when I`m wearing ne of those things which she said are flattering, is priceless!

week 26: held

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*sigh of relief* It`s here to stay!

Also measured, and everything is exactly as it was, despite weight loss.

week 25: -1200g

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Wow! That`s what I get after 6 weeks of standstill, only for doing well again for three days? Made my day (whether I`ll maintain it or not) :-)

Getting back on track

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I have been thinking about what worked well at the beginning, and it`s the things which have been slipping.

Since two days, I have recommitted to being as strict to myself as I was at the beginning:

1. Zero tolerance with carbs at night. The baked beans have to go again or wait until lunch time the next day.
2. I was unable to keep off snacking. This means that my breakfast has to become smaller - yoghurt instead of muesli (which I`m getting bored of anyway)
3. Recommit to excercise. Not let the bad weather deter me. Set myself goals re speed and work towards them.
4. Allow myself one bar of chocolate or one small tub of ice cream a week, to be split up as I like - devour it all in a go or a little at a time. When it`s gone - zero tolerance. That`s 1.5 sessions on the treadmil and should be possible. At least it does not mean deprivation.

I also do visualisation: I really concentrate on remembering what everything was like when I was at my heaviest (it`s only 6 months ago, so the memories are still quite strong). I think about the bits I disliked, different situation where I feel really conscious of my weight. I imagine eating what I liked and then feeling miserable about it.

I remember envying women who did not eat it - that was 10 minutes of pleasure I had which they did not, but they had their whole day of being slim while I was fat. Not worth it!! I used to imagine being them - getting up in the morning, catching the reflection of my naked body when I step ut of the shower and like what I see, chosing between my lovely clothes, knowing that I look good in any, meeting other people and being confident that they would not talk behind my back about my appearance. And I then thought, who needs all the food if you can have all that? (But this feeling only lasted until I next felt the urge to binge, of course!).

After my visualistations, I open my eyes, see what I am like now, rejoice it, think about my fabulous new clothes I can now wear, and I am really grateful that I was able to break this addiction to crap and gain a better body.

Finding it hard…

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The last time, I`ve looked I have maintained, but I have not been looking for the last three days. I`m finding it hard to stay committed and feel that I`m slowly slipping into the old habits.

Winter may have something to do with it, or boredom. For the last three days, I have been eating as if I was getting my period, but this has not yet come. With the eating however come the very familiar feelings of fear, self-loathing and loss of control. I`m feeling fat, even though when I look into a mirror, I see that I`m slim. I`m afraid to put it all back instantly.

I need to regain control and be as vigorous as I was when I started off. Zero tolerance for carbs at night. Excercising every second day, and not allow the cold weather to be an excuse. Healthy, large breakfast and zero tolerance for snacks. It worked so well, but I appear to be abandoning it bit by bit.

Nothing feels as good as being thin feels.

I used to dislike this quote because it always seemed a bit “pro ana” to me. I am am experiencing for myself that the quote holds true.

When I want too much of a bad thing I remember what it was like to have as much as I wanted but be large and miserable about it.

Thinking I was looking good and then pictures showing me otherwise. I used to have a go at the person who took the photo, for making me look so fat.

Hating to catch my reflection in a window - which I increasingly do just now, as the darker season has started. It could ruin my confidence for the whole day, just to see myself for a split second. I`m now smiling when I do, as I actually quite like what I see.

Feeling confident in bed. Feeling beautiful, believing him when he says it, feeling I`m giving him a gift when he is caressing my body.

The utterly fat and miserable feeling after I`ve eaten too much of what I should not have eaten. Before I have it I want it so much. While I`m still eating it I don`t enjoy it any more and once it`s gone and the pleasure had, I resent it and dread facing the consequences.

Why should I?

Why should I let it all go again for the sake of refined junk food?