Becoming a Butterfly

So…I made an interesting choice tonight.  I tossed around the idea and finally….gave in.  I was watching the Biggest Loser.  I put my son down for the night and then put on my tennis shoes and hopped on my elliptical for 20 mins.  Not much but I was pretty proud of myself.  I’ve been thinking about doing a little workout each night to try to boost my weight loss a little.

Of course I also went to the gym this morning.  I did 2+ miles in about 35 minutes and then I came home and napped.  We had a huge weather change over night and I guess it really got to my joints.  Mainly the joint of my big toe and my right hip.  It was a pretty uncomfortable workout.  Did it anyway. 

I also did my first 5k this weekend.  It was the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure.  It was a bunch of us mom’s that all go to the gym in the morn and another one that used to go and who got me to start at the end of May.  She wound up having one of her migraines so 3 of us walked and then another 2 ran the last mile.  (One of the 2 owns the 2 Baskin Robbins here in town…funny huh?  She’s tiny and a good runner…gag!)  Anyway…we walked it and I have no idea what the time was.  There was nearly 10,000 people there.  Quite clausterphobic (sp?).  Next year I’ll be running it, even if I’m by myself!

So…I’m having a dilemma.  My husband is getting FAT!  I know I should have no room to talk.  But he’s the one who is without a shirt all the time and during summer does water sports, etc.  He’s got terrible asthma (his whole life) and when he gains weight it gets worse and he SNORES like crazy.  He’s really ideal at about 155-160.  Well he’s about 180 now and it’s terrible.  I make him sleep on the couch.  I dont want to feel like I’m not attracted to him, but it’s getting to be that way.  I think mainly cos I beg him to go to the gym with me and he refuses now.  He was into it for a little while, but now it’s like pulling teeth so I give up pretty quick.  He eats like there wont be food on the planet tomorrow.  I can cook a meal for a family of six.  My son will have a 1/2 portion, I’ll have 1 portion and he’ll eat the rest.  I’m sick of not having any leftovers!!!  It sucks because he has a super fast metabolism and he could drop the weight with a few more BM’s if you know what I mean!  I wish I could do it, because I would in a heartbeat.  I work my ass off for results that are few and far between.  While I watch him eat his 3 big macs with fries.  SIGH!  I need to motivate him.  I’ve been very judgemental and I feel that’s not working.  Like tonight he called while I was on the elliptical and he said he’d been asleep and had woken up and was calling to tell me he was going to bed for good and this was at 8:30.  Oh must be nice!  That’s our relationship right now in a nutshell.  I’m busting my ass while he’s snoring away.

I’m not unhappy, not saying that.  I just want him to put in some more effort into wanting to be healthy and attractive just like me.  I know we cant all have the motivation all the time.  Some of us never have.  We have to decide to do it no matter what.

Yesterday morning I was STARVING.  Mom’s had asked me to help do fundraiser stuff at school.  An hour into it I was digging thru the candy bin and pulled out 2 things of the 3 sweetart packs.  Marla yanked one out of my hand and threw it back.  I said, “oh marla I’m soooo hungry.”  So her and Wendy (I work out with them nearly every morn) said well why dont we skip and go out to breakfast and then go take some naps.  Oh that sounded so good.  So they were convincing eachother.  I finally said NO!  I’ll see you guys at the gym.  And we went.  I was pretty proud of myself for actually being the motivation.  Ok…so Wendy weighs maybe 100-110 pounds and is probably 5′9”.  She is very skinny.  skin and bones really.  Marla is sporty and probably weighs about 130 and is very cute.  So I need some of that to rub off on me!  I just want to be healthy and cute! 

Hope you guys are off to a good week.  Lots of luck!