Becoming a Butterfly

Ok so I wasn’t so good this weekend.  I finally broke my streak of working out every day (made it 22 days in a row).  Did 60 mins min every day last week.  Saturday didn’t make it to the gym but swam for about 30 mins.  Sunday - NOT a DAMN THING!  Saturday was the only day off plan on eating.  We went to chilis and I wont even go there, but it was sooo good. 

Weight this morn was 214.6.  I saw all kinds of crazy numbers this weekend - wont tell you that either!!  I felt pretty swollen this morning.  I went to the gym and did an hour on the treadmill (was talking to friends) so only ran about 6 mins total then they left and I went to the bike for 30 more minutes.  I sure missed my Nordic.  I’ll do that tomorrow it’s just so much easier and I feel so much better after getting in a bunch of running.  I guess it’s a mental block of not running well on the regular treadmill. 

Sooo exciting news!  Friday before hubby had to go out of town for work we went to Target and I clothes shopped.  I wanted a new pair of jeans so I got brave (took a 16, 16w, 18 and 18w in the dressing room) and started with the smallest for some reason.  Guess what?!  I bought size 16 pants from the normal section!  They are about a foot too long on me but I’m going to find somewhere to take them to have altered.  I also bought a really pretty long dress.  I had the xxl and it was like a tent so sent hubby to get the xl and he came back with the L for some reason.  Well…that’s the one I bought!  I also went to Academy this weekend.  I have wanted some of those Nike running shorts for about a year or more now.  They have never fit me.  Well I wanted to try some on.  Well I walked out with 2 new pair of shorts!!!  I still feel pretty self concious about my legs.  They are pretty darn chubby.  But I got them and I’m wearing them around the house for now till I can get some more weight off.  I was just real happy.  All clothes are different and a lot of my 18s are just now fitting right but some are falling off, but I feel like I’m moving in the right direction. 

We went to the amusement park friday night with the school.  There were like 2 other schools there.  Cole didnt’ really want to ride much cos he’s scared (gets that from me) but his friend wanted to ride everything.  So hubby took him and I took cole.  We met up at the end and then somehow someone convinced cole to get on the Octowhirl!  I was flipping out.  But a friends son who is in his 20s and his gf each took 2 kids.  Well luckily cole was with the son and he told him if he got sick to close his eyes and think of things he liked.  So I pictured him coming off sick and crying….well his friend came off crying (the one who made fun of him for being a chicken) and cole came off giddy and proud of himself.  Well we got in the car and Tanner was crying and saying he didn’t feel good.  HE proceeded to puke all over my SUV.  Hubby gave him a bag to throw up in and was yelling “throw up in the bag” about a hundred times, but he made it everywhere BUT the bag.  So I called his mom (10:30pm) and took him home.  We wound up going to bed about 2am.  Saturday his mom called to see if he could come back over and hubby answered phone (Iwas pissed cos this kid was pretty mean to Cole).  So she brought him over and we went to the pool all afternoon.  He was ready to go about 45 mins into it.  I said you can sit there 3 more hours and watch us swim or you can enjoy yourself.  So, he swam off and on.  It just makes me so thankful for my kiddo.  He’s so nice to everyone.  This boy told Cole “if you dont do what I say I wont be your friend anymore.”  I was mad cos Cole would NEVER say anything like that cos he loves everyone.  He’s happy go lucky most of the time and never mean to others.

We went to Chilis afterward with hubby’s parents and I ate like there was no tomorrow.  I had 2 cocktails.  I pretty much never drink and I felt good and giddy and guilty.  I had some chips/salsa/queso (4 of us split one order) and I ordered appetizer to eat.  Doesn’t sound too bad, but it sure felt so good that you know it was really really bad. 

Then we went to academy and hubby got some new work shoes and I got some running shorts and a hat.  We went home.

Yesterday i was soooo tired.  I put on some clothes and we went to Walmart, walgreens for rxs and then washed the car.  Came home and laid down.  Hubby came in to keep me company and we wound up watching 5 episodes of the Tudors.  Wow is that a guilty pleasure.  I feel like I’m going to get in trouble by my mom if I get caught! 

So, hubby and I really had a great weekend together.  It felt like we finally connected.  It’s nice when there’s talking, listening, relaxing, and affection all rolled up together.  We’ve just felt pretty off lately.  For a while there it was just down right terrible.  It was just nice and a breath of fresh air. 

I had taken the kids to the neighborhood pool (we are not members cos it’s really expensive but we were invited by others on friday after school before the amusement park) and there was a woman there that was friends with my friends.  She was talking about her marriage when I arrived so I didn’t get all the details.  But I see her at school and you think some people have it all together.  But really her world is crashing down.  They were getting a divorce and he cleaned out all their accounts so she had NOTHING and couldn’t even buy groceries.  He moved out…the works.  Now he decided he wanted to move back in and she said only if they got counseling.  They’ve gone to 2 sessions and it’s not helping and he’s just being a jerk.  He’s just so black and white on everything and really sounds emotionally checked out.  She was crying on and off and it was heartbreaking.  I just think so many of us can relate to that whether things really get that bad or not.  But you sit and pray for the moments that make it all worth while.  Many of the other wives were saying it’s all the little things.  She said he quit putting the toilet seat down and picking up after himself, and much more.  She doesn’t know what to do.  I think many of us never do.  My biggest problem is we are both pretty moody.  But mine is normally fixed with a few extra hugs or some cuddling and sometimes no matter how many times you say it they dont hear it. 

OK wow I really got off on a tanget.  So…pretty good weekend.  Back to working my ass off and eating well.  I gotta move past this 212-214 range.  I’ve been here a couple weeks now.  I think I’m scared to lose the weight.  I DESERVE to be the woman I am in my head.  I sure am missing that extra “boobage” though!  I think that’s why I’ve held onto this weight so long.  I was really enjoying the boobs!  haha  Oh well…I’ll survive! 

Hope you guys are off to a great new start!  Keep chuggin along!

Been doing good.  Every day working out and every day eating right.  Wellll…had a few more snacks than normal on Tuesday cos TOM started.  It was so abnormal so I chalked it up to TOM.  I’ve done great ever since and really trying to branch out on my food.  I had bought the La Tortilla low carb hifiber tortillas before but they went bad before I got to eat them.  Today I made a turkey and pepperjack wrap with one and it was AMAZING that I could create something so good at home without cooking.  I also found some pasta made out of rice which is gluten free at the store and I’m going to try that out.  I dont really eat pasta at night bc I get really bad stomach cramping for hours on end if I eat breads or beef or if I eat between 7 and 10.  I can eat before or after but not during.  Doc thinks I have Celiac or Crohns diesease.  Hasn’t done any testing for it, but she just told me to assume that’s what I’ve got.  I think it’s Celiac really bc certain foods really aggrivate me.  Anwayyyyyssss….way off subject.  There are so many gluten free products out there now it’s amazing. 

I found some low carb ice cream today.  Going to venture to do some fruit smoothies.  I bought the ice cream just in case I dont like it without.  I pretty much never eat ice cream but hubby will eat anything. 

So, school has started for kiddo and I’m getting up about 3 hrs earlier than normal.  So my weighing is off.  I’ve decided to weigh after I get home from the gym.  It’s probably not an accurate reading but I can compare each day and that’s all that matters.  So I was 213.2 today.  Which is ok cos of TOM.  Monday or Tuesday I should know more if I’ve lost anything.

It’s been great being back in school.  People are telling me all the time “wow you are looking good” or “are you losing weight?”  “WELL YES I AM!”  Working damn hard at it too.  The women who got me to going to the gym last May are so impressed I’m still going and have been really supportive this week.  They are pretty big snobs most of the time, so it’s been nice to hear the compliments. 

I’ve worked out 20 days in a row.  I’m not sure if it’s good for me, but I’m addicted and cant seem to stop.  I probably need to change it up a bit, but I’m such a creature of habit.

I’ve been working to declutter my house!  I’m so proud of myself.  I cleaned under my King size bed today.  I had three storage bags full of my old clothes from about 9-10 years ago.  SMALL clothes that I had hopes of fitting in again.  I still have those goals but the clothes are NOT in style.  I saved a few things that I can still wear in a few more sizes lost.  But I got rid of 3 boxes of clothes and cleaned out my closet too.  I cleaned my sons room.  I kinda let it go for the summer and relaxed.  I got in there today and worked for over an hour.  Plenty more could be done but I had to quit somewhere.  I do have to tell you a yucky story.  My hubby brought home a snake in a plastic ziploc bag that was dead for my son to see.  Well, hubby lost the bag and I found it today!  Under a bunch of stuff .  Cole’s room has been super stinky and I found the reason why!!!  So I had to get rid of all the stuff that was around it cos it all stank too.  Lit candles and aired the room out.  It was awful.  Smelled like rotted cauliflower.  GAG!

Well we are going to eat dinner with MIL.  Wish me luck!  She’s a drama-fest.  I’m going to allow myself a little splurge tonight since I’ve been so good!

We are having a friend over for Cole tomorrow night.  We are going to the amusement park with the school tomorrow night, slumber party, then the pool on  Saturday.  IT’s Cole’s first sleep over and Tanners (the little friend).  It will be exciting.  I dont really like people over much or kids you cant send home in an hour or two.  So this will be way out of my comfort zone, but Lifes-a-changin!!

Weight:212.6

Ran a mile today in 10:58!  I cannot believe it.  Cut over 30 seconds off yesterdays time.  Did 36 on Nordic and 24 on bike and then we went to the pool and I swam laps.  Food choices were really good.  Took fruit to snack on at pool.  Was hungry tonight not long ago and chose a fiber one yogurt. 

Tomorrow is back to school.  Not sure if I’m really ready for it.  I didn’t prep anything tonight.  Normally lay out clothes and such night before.  Oh well…hubby is staying home late to go with me to take kiddo to his first day of the first grade.  He couldn’t be here last year bc he started kinder during the mid of the week.  So, he’ll be around to help me out.  Then I’m going to the gym asap.  Meeting some girls at Olive Garden for lunch bc a lot of them have kids going into kinder and it’s their last ones.  I’m just going to get a salad and maybe soup. 

That damn scale better start moving down quicker.  I’m doing plenty and eating well.  Otherwise I gotta get a new game plan.  Here’s to an awesome Monday weigh in!!!

Weight today was 212.8

I went to the gym this morning.  I was a bit discouraged by how well I did and didn’t loose an OUNCE.  So, went for a longer workout today just because I could.  I did 46 on nordictrac and 44 on bike.  Sooooo….I actually ran a whole mile no stopping in 11:30!  The fastest I’d ever done a mile growing up even as a kid was probably 16 minutes.  Today I was determined to keep going.  I started off and was just going to do a 5 min run.  But everyone around me was running their asses off and the girl next to me was fast walking at a 15 incline…so I went for it.  That’s the longest I’ve ever ran without stopping MY ENTIRE LIFE.  I’m 27 people!  I burned 1297 cals today at the gym and I’m darn excited about it.  Hubby called while I was on the bike and he was just flabbergasted.  That’s nice to impress someone every once and a while.

This afternoon I weighed again before going out to run errands and it said a flat 211.  Brseay left me a note and made me realize I’m almost in another decade.  I never think of my weightloss like that, but it was inspiring really.  I’m hoping the mornings weigh in will be under 212.8….crossing fingers and sending little prayers to God. 

Didn’t do much else so far.  Had to put some gas in the vehicle, go to the post office and to get the kiddo some spirals and a pencil box.  Had to find out from the teacher the specific spiral bc the list we were given made NO sense.  Didn’t feel like doing any more shopping (I KNOW…that’s so unlike me…something must be wrong) so I came home.  Hubby just walked in the door and is finally starting his weekend. 

We are supposed to go to dinner with MIL and FIL tonight.  I wont even get started on that.  We are going to Cheddars.  I think I’ll just get a salad and water.  Need some good ole ruffage. 

Another good day.  Shocking!  Hubby’s home now so we’ll see how it goes…haha.  Thanks you guys for all the support this last week it’s really helped!

Well, hubby had to work out of town today and tomorrow.  He normally has friday, saturday, and sunday off….so this is a weird weekend so far.  QUIET!  Which is ok too. 

Weighed 213.8 this morn.  But saw all sorts of numbers today.  Tonight I was back to 212.8 and even saw in the 214’s today.  NO WAY.  Kinda relieved hubby is gone cos the weekends are my downfall, just like the rest of you!  I was able to have my normal breakfast, LC for lunch, a banana for snack and had leftover chicken and a spoon of sweetpotatoes and spoon of pasta salad.  So…not too much food.

Went to the gym (14 straight days) did 36 on nordic and 24 on bike.  I RAN for 10 minutes straight!  WOAH.  I could have gone more, but I think it was a mental block.  I hadn’t really been able to run straight for more than 5 mins for the last week because i’d get a stitch in my side.  So, this was a nice change.  I was proud of myself.  I kinda rushed I felt like to get as many calories burned as I could in the hour bc I had to hurry home and shower bc I was getting a HAIRCUT!!! 

It looks super cute.  Down to my chin in the front and super short in the back.  I told her she could do what she wanted this time.  I wanted CHANGE!!!  A reward for being under 213.  (Just need to stay there and move past!) 

Took Cole to the pool for the rest of the afternoon.  Came home and ate dinner.  Need to do a few chores just to feel like I can relax.  Then gonna watch Tivo’d stuff I guess. 

So…all in all…an alright day.  Here’s to loss!  *cheersing a glass of WATER*  haha

Sooo…Today was a much better day.  I’ve had a lot of anxiety today but due to school stuff and hubby’s family stuff.  But not so down in the dumps.  All because……DRUMROLL…..The scale said 212.8 today!!!  That’s the lowest I’ve been in over 5 years.  You know those days where you feel your face a little sunk in and you  just dont feel AS FAT?  That’s how I feel today. 

Went to the gym this morning with hubby.  He really tried his damndest to beat me on running today…and he did.  My lungs were having sharp pains today for some reason, but I pushed it as much as I could without getting spinny headed.  Did 65 minutes. 

We ran a few errands and then Cole had open house at school.  Had 3 people tell me I looked really good and asked if I’d lost a bunch of weight.  So, that was nice.  One lady is sweet as all get out and hilarious too.  She’s the Special Ed teacher and she is pretty overweight herself.  She tried last year to lose the weight but didn’t go so well.  She said she’s got to do something this year for sure.  I told her the gym and lean cuisine are my friends now. 

My EX best friend came up to me like no tiff had occurred over summer and that we were friends all along.  I was so annoyed.  She hasn’t talked to me since the week after school got out for summer bc she was clearly taking advantage of me and I spoke up.  She pretty much hung up with me and never spoke to me again.  I texted her and I said if we were truly friends we could address this problem head on and move past.   Never heard another word.  Everyone knows about this and were shocked when she came up to me.  Just a totally weird afternoon really.  OH WELL!  And go figure…her daughter and my son are in the same class, sit right next to eachother AND share a locker!  God doesn’t like me today!

Well….other than that it’s been a good day.  Hubby went to grab us some Subway for dinner.  I’m too tired to fix anything and he loves subway!  I’m wore out!  Means I did something today I guess.  HOpe you are all big losers!

PS…I’ve been kinda doing a challenge with myself to see how many days in a row I can work out.  I’m at 13 days in a row and counting!  I had made 11 days in July.

Been one of those days.  I just wrote a looonnnnggg post and my internet messed up and it hadn’t saved my draft.  This has happened before and I’m so pissed. 

Anyway…basically felt like I fell off the wagon this weekend so I haven’t posted in 7 days.  This will be summed up faster bc I’m still livid over this computer!

8/12 - 214.8 - 60 min gym - good food choices

8/13 - 214.4 - 60 min gym then swimming - Mcdonalds meal - ate beef for dinner and I cannot do that.  I was up during the night in excrutiating pain. 

8/14 - 214.4 - 65 mins gym - didnt write down my food so dont remember

8/15 - 214.2 (lowest weight) - 60 mins gym - bday party with crap snack food and cake

8/16 - didn’t weigh - 30 min of swimming - good food choices but lots of sodium

8/17 - 217 - 60 mins at gym - great food choices

8/18 - 214.8 - 45 min on Nordic and 45 mins on bike.  I wore myself out!  I am trying to get back on track so did a bit more at the gym.  I had previously cut back to an hour last week and was able to drop weight easier.  I will try to go back to that again.  I just kept pushing myself and couldn’t stop today.  We had chicken and a baked potato for dinner and it was so good. 

I wrote (pre internet crap) about feeling a little down lately.  Had first PTA Board meeting last night and I feel like I’m back in high school again.  I worked hard to establish relationships with these women last year and it got me no where.  They are nice to your face to get you to work your ass off and then BAM they want nothing to do with you.  Three of them are the ones that got me to go to the gym with them and then when I did start going they acted funny.  Like they really didn’t expect me to go every day and join up.  Oh well…I’ll still go after I drop Cole off at school and just go to a different room.  Now I’m not really looking forward to him starting school. 

MIL is being a bitch.  Same ole stuff.  She didn’t call to do anything this past weekend.  She was at the bday party but hardly saw her.  Hubby was constantly harping on her cos she keeps saying she’s quitting smoking and is on meds for it and everything.  He finally told her “your cigs are seeing you more than we are.”  She just laughed.  Didn’t hear from her or go to dinner.  Now hubby is working out of town on Friday and Saturday (taking tomorrow and Thurs off).  So she’s going to be pissed that she cant do anything with us and we didn’t call her and blah blah blah.  Oh well she can kiss my ass.  I asked her to do a favor for me over email today and she basically said no and then didn’t hear from her again.  So….screw you too!

Ok gonna go.  I’m ready for bedtime and tomorrow.  Maybe I can get out of this sourpuss mood I’m  in.  Hope you guys are doing better than me!! 

Nothing exciting today either.  Got up late then went to the gym.  Did 30 min on Nordic and 30 on Bike.  Ran for 7 mins straight (longest yet) and did incline and intervals.  I got off the Nordic early cos this woman was just being totally weird.  She was drumming very animatedly on the treadmill to her music.  Making all these noises.  She had short hair and was flinging her head forward and then back slinging her sweat everywhere.  I was sooooo grossed out.  Then as soon as I got off she did too.  It was so weird.  Everyone told me she was trying to look cool and hit on me (she was pretty obviously a lesbian).  Little weirded out. 

I went home and mowed the front and back yard.  Showered.  Ate lunch of lean cuisine.  Had a boiled egg b4 mowing luckily.  Think I mighta passed out otherwise.  MIL said she needed to come over to pay a bill online cos her internet hasn’t been working.  She’s on vacation from work but I’m sure I’m not the only person who has internet.  I live like 25 mins from her.  Today’s her birthday so I was kinda planning on going to dinner with her or something.  She never said nothin so I didn’t either.  Hubby said he talked to her this morning and her and her hubby are really having problems.  She’s a drama queen so you never know what’s really going on.  They’ve only been married for about 3 years but been together for like 13.  They are both alcoholics and she wants him to quit but she wont.  But they dont have any of their finances together or anything.  I just think that’s odd.  She said she told him she wanted her name put on the deed to the house cos every time they fight he’s gonna kick her out.  I think that’s so weird to just have purchased a house and it not be in both your names especially when she has top notch credit and he doesn’t.  Anyways….that’s a little more peek into the weirdness I put up with. 

I was feeling major guilt about the slice of pizza, serving of pasta and salad and popscicle last night……but weighed all day pretty much at 214.8.  Sooooo okay with that!  I always lay here in bed late at night and get really guilt ridden feeling like I should get up and do crunches or something.  I’m becomming crazy about the working out.  I’ve really been trying to cut back this week bc I think it’s really working for me.  That extra 30 mins of exercise I think it was freaking my body out…OH SHIT I”M DYING!…lol

I finished my book called “Death by Cashmere”  by Sally Goldenbaum.  It’s a light mystery.  I like to dabble in knitting so I really liked the book.  Very light reading.  Finished it quick and I only read on the bike at the gym.  Now I’m going to read Stori Telling by Tori Spelling.  I loveeeeee her reality show it’s a hoot. 

Well…hubby comes home tomorrow and that should be interesting.  He’s in a tiny town about 3 hrs south of here and gets no reception.  We were on the phone and I couldn’t hear him so I just kept talking.  I said “you aren’t responding what’s up?”  He said cos I kept cutting him off….WHATEVER!  So we hung up and haven’t heard from him since.  Oh well….hopefully it doesn’t drag to the weekend.  He’s moodier than a pmsing woman!!!

Ok…gonna go do NOTHING!  Hope you guys are losing it!

Today was pretty uneventful. 

I weighed in at 215.2 (first thing am) and 214.6 (after first potty break am)and 214.2 (after breakfast). 

Ate usual breakfast.  Went to the gym and did 48 mins on Nordic and 32 on bike.  Total of 80 mins and 1100 cals.  Came home and had a hard boiled egg.  Showered, etc.  Then wound up eating my Lean Cuisine at 2.  Ran few errands and went to tan.  Came home and rested for about an hour before I had to take Cole to a swimming party of a kid that was in his kindergarten class.  It wound up being a nice party and the mother is from Puerto Rico and very hard to understand.  But she was busting her butt the whole party.  She made appetizers, salad, this wonderful pasta dish and had pizza, popsicles, cupcakes, etc.  It was an amazing spread of food.  The pasta had lots of veggies and shrimp in it.  So….I ate a half of a piece of tilapia and some green beans before we went bc you never know what kind of party it is.  Then I had one mexican egg roll, some salad, some pasta salad, 1 piece of pizza, and a minute maid popsicle too!  I pigged out!  I feel like I did too.  It would have been fine if I didn’t eat before I went.  But I’m full now and maybe will have an apple later and nothing else.  I’m pretty tired and have been all day. 

So…now I’m going to watch Big Brother and maybe a few other of my reality shows or maybe finish up my book I’m reading and hit the sack.  I gotta go put kiddo to bed.  I’m trying to get him to bed a little earlier each night to get back in school mode.  It’s me getting up in the morn that’s the problem!!!!

I was thinking of taking a gym day off tomorrow.  But after tonight…NO WAY!  Tomorrow is MIL’s bday….haven’t heard from her but I’m sure we may get roped into doing something with her since hubby is out of town.  We’ll see. 

Hope we can all have a great hump day tomorrow!!  Luck to all!

I was so freakin productive today.  I dont know what got into me!  I think it first started off because my MIL was supposed to come into town to go to the gym with me.  She was supposed to be at the house by 11:15 so I was up before 9 (normally get up about 10).  Ate breakfast and got started doing laundry and unloading dishwasher, etc.  I finally unpacked my sons huge bag with his clothes and such in it from this latest out of town adventure.  Hung it all up and put it all away.  That was a chore in itself for sure.  I dusted his room and straightened it up a bit too. 

At 11:20 my MIL wasn’t here still.  BIG SHOCK.  She’s on average 3 hrs late to everything.  I called hubby asked him if I should just go without her and while we were talking she called him.  He told me she’d tried to get ahold of me and I wasn’t answering.  Well then she called the house!  Said she was on her way and she’d just meet me there.  So, I went ahead and got started.  I only did 45 mins on Nordic and 22 on Bike.  But ran for 6.5 mins (longest yet) straight….same routine.  I was soaking wet when I left.  Came to the house - she stayed to tan.  Then came to the house to get her bday present and then stayed for 2 hours!  She wanted me to go to Pet Smart with her and I said no that I wanted to take a nap.  Hubby’s been snoring like mad every night and I woke up with a sore throat.  Always means I’m not sleeping enough so I wanted to take a nap before it turns into a full fledged sickness.

I ate lunch late.  Then laid down.  Only was able to sleep about 30 mins.  I got up and did more laundry.  Cant remember what else I did in there.  I cooked coconut tilapia and reheated some potato soup for dinner.  I was kinda bored……soooo….I got a wild hair and went and cleaned out the fridge.  It took me over an hour.  I got rid of 2 trashcans full of stuff.  I took everything out and scrubbed all the shelves, drawers…everything.  I did MORE laundry and cleaned up the paperwork stacked 2 feet tall on my desk and assorted places throughout the house.  Now I’m watching tv….resting.

I weighed this morn at 216.4.  I saw 214 and 215 throughout the day.  Things are going good.  I think me cutting back on the exercise is helping for now.  I think my body was in “oh shit” mode.  I was doing so much and not eating a whole lot.  We’ll see and adjust when things quit working. 

Not sure what tomorrow holds.  Cole has a pool party at 6 tomorrow.  I called to RSVP and the mother doesn’t speak very good english.  I was trying to get directions bc its a neighborhood clubhouse and she didn’t put the address on the invite.  I dont think she had a clue what I was saying.  I should have called the dad he’s american - maybe I could have understood him more. 

I hope tomorrow is a good day like today.  I haven’t done a whole lot as far as cleaning goes in a while.  It was nice to care about it again.  Hubby will be home in 2.5 days to wreck it!