Becoming a Butterfly

We survived the bday party for our 6yr old.  I was highly irritated that hardly anyone RSVPd.  I guess that’s cool now.  Most of those who didn’t (until I bitched to hubby and he bitched to his mom) were hubby’s family.  But probably about 25- 30 showed up and it was fine.  He got lots of cool stuff and I got burned!

We went shopping that evening and I returned 2 of the Layne Bryant dresses, but wound up getting 2 more that I figured I could wear to church and the other to school stuff or the pool.  Went to Target and tried on some stuff.  I have always wanted a shirt-dress but they have always showed my poochy belly too much.  I decided to try one on anyway (xxl in the  misses section…the plus sized clothes were too big!).  The shirt dress was super cute!  so I got it and another one of a flowy short kind.  The clothes thing is getting to be more fun.  Even though I’m not really losing weight, somethings changing - gotta be. 

I did good on my food all weekend.  We ate out after the bday party and I had chicken fajita nachos but then didn’t eat dinner.  Just had an apple.  Yesterday we went to Jason’s Deli and I had a salad and didn’t eat dinner last night since we ate lunch at 3.  I dont think I drank enough water though.

Thursday 93 mins of cardio.  Friday 60 min of cardio.  Saturday - no working out but lots of walking and pacing for about11 hours!  Sunday  90 mins of cardio.  Monday I just did 91 mins.  61 on NordicTrac and 30 on the bike.  I was able to run for a straight 5 mins for the second time EVER.  Then I run intervals throughout to get my miles in quicker.  Did incline of 12 for a lot of it too.  I go do the bike after bc I can sit and read at the same time. 

I weighed this morning and saw 217.6 first thing a.m.  Saw 216.8 after breakfast.  Then saw 215.4 after working out.  So…I’m somewhere in there.  ANDDD….TOM should start tomorrow.  Yippee. 

Cole and I are leaving for my mom’s tomorrow.  It’s a 10hr drive.  My mom’s bday is Thursday and it’s her first one in over 40 yrs without my dad.  She’s also been wanting to clean out some of his stuff (not horrible bc the man had TONS of stuff) and gets flustered cos she doesn’t know where to start.  So, hopefully I can help her out there.  My sis and her family are coming to see her this weekend.  So, we will stay probably a week or so.  Hubby isn’t thrilled he wants me home friday.  But that’s not long enough.  But he’s gone mon-thurs so when I get back he’ll be gone already and it will be almost 2 weeks we wont see eachother.  Maybe it will be good for us.  I’m really worried about my food though.  I hope I can control myself.  I dont want a major set back.  She does have a treadmill so maybe I can get in some working out.  We are taking the Wii too so I can do Wii fit or Active. 

I’m taking my laptop so I can keep up with all of you and have some motivation.  Oh gosh…Wish me luck!  Plus I’ve never driven that far by myself so I hope I can stay safe and AWAKE!!  Good luck to you all too!  Start of a brand new week!

*********************************************************************************************************

Some time after 11pm

Good day.  Got errands run and chores done and car is semi-loaded with stuff that’s completely packed.  I was sitting on the bed watching tv and started thinking how my butt is going to be sitting in a car for 10 hours tomorrow and not getting it’s workout in.  Sooo feeling guilty, I went and got on the elliptical for 30 mins.  I know…Amazing!  I was craving salt afterward…desperately wanted son’s nacho lunchable.  Looked at the cals and it was 380.  Grabbed that and an orange.  I decided to weigh one more time and told myself if I was in the 216 range I wasn’t going to eat the lunchable and go find something else.  I was 216.2 so I walked myself back to the fridge and put back the lunchable.  I grabbed a hard boiled egg, string cheese and the orange.  I just sprinkled some seasoned salt on the egg so I got my salt fix in.  I’m pretty proud of myself. Too much to eat right before relaxing and getting ready for bed, but it was better than the alternative. 

Just had to update.  OHhhh.  Got my lab work results back and my thyroid is functioning normally.  Pretty pissed about that.  Was really hoping for a reason to the madness!  Oh well…gotta move on! 

Wont post much cos I’m too lazy!  Yesterday was turned out good.  Hubby got home and we went to Olive Garden (mil babysat).  Kiddos bday is today so she took him to Chuck E. Cheese and he had a ball.  We didn’t get an appetizer at Olive Garden.  I ordered the mixed grill and salad.  I had maybe 2 oz of chicken and 2 oz of steak and lots of zuchs and squash, peppers all grilled.  We ordered a tiramisu to go and split it later.  I never eat steak anymore ( i love it) because it hurts my stomach in the mid of the night.  OF course it did.  I was up at 4am in pain.  I didn’t work out yesterday.  But ate well.  I only had a protein shake for lunch in prep for the dinner just in case I ate pasta or anything.

Today we had a storm that lasted like 8-9 hours straight.  It just hovered over us.  So we didn’t do anything.  I felt bad, but Coles party is Saturday and its his birthday celebration.  I didn’t want to work out AT ALL today.  But I asked Cole what I should do and he said work out.  So, went to the gym and got on the Nordic.  My calves immediately seized up and I was in so much pain.  I did run at 6.1 for 4 minutes straight for the first time!  The time between 2 and 3.5 mins is soooo hard.  But I get so scared I’m going to pass out.  When I first started running one time everything turned black and i was super close, so I get kinda scared.  But I did it, then could barely walk cos of my calves.  I forced myself to do 20 mins.  I woulda got off anyway cos the older lady next to me STUNK to high heaven.  I couldn’t take it anymore!  So I went to do the bike for 40 minutes and got lots read in my book. 

I pulled out my exercise ball and have been sitting on it when I fold clothes, etc.  Surely that’s good for you cos I move around on it a lot while I’m sitting there.  Figure it takes core work to stay on the damn thing anyway.  I let the kiddo pick what he wanted for dinner…and he wanted McDonalds again.  So, we went and ordered his cake and then went and got him a happy meal.  I didn’t get anything.  I came home and ate a lean cuisine.  Then I had an orange and 2 hard boiled eggs.  I can’t stop eating.  At least they are decent choices.  At least it’s not french fries. 

Hubby was really nice to me yesterday so that’s a plus.  I begged him to try to hold his temper and have more patience with our son.  He’s really trying and doing very well. That alone takes so much stress off me.  Hopefully things stay on track. 

I hope I can get back on the workout wagon and my muscles chill out. Next week is TOM so I guess that’s where the snacking is coming in.  I feel icky and bloated already!  I’ve got to get some sleep.  Steady uninterupted sleep.  Damn phone rings every time I”m asleep now.  Idiots!

 BTW I wore one of my new dresses and my hubby told my how pretty I looked.  He rarely says that, cos he’s used to me always having makeup on and my hair done so it’s always the same.  But I wore the pink dress he picked out for me and I was happy cos it was a 14/16.  Which you can get by smaller with a dress like that cos it’s flowy and not tight. 

Ok I’m gonna watch tv and go to bed hopefully.  Hope you guys are doing good!  Need the inspiration!

Ok…so I survived the weekend.  Marriage is intact.  Everything is A-OK.  Sometimes you think life would be easier without any arguing or snippy comments.  But in the end, if you love eachother that trumps all.  I knew if I let him go stay somewhere, he’d be back.  He told me he wouldn’t come back, but I knew.  He doesn’t know how good he’s got it sometimes.  Sure enough Saturday he wanted to come back.  I said yes but that he can’t leave again.  I dont want to be or look like a fool.  We got most of it talked out and “wait for it….yes…”  went to the gym together!  haha.  My life is just weird.  Who woulda thought 2 months ago that I cant even stay away from the gym when all hell breaks loose.  We had a great workout.  When we were done he just kept saying how good I’m doing and he cant believe how I’m running (not for very long but much much longer than I use-ta could). 

I bought a pair of bermuda shorts at Target at the end of May for a bday party.  They were so tight I had to wear a long shirt to cover my tummy.  Well, I finally put them back on to wear on Sunday.  They are loose!  They dont look bad anymore.  Hubby took me to Layne Bryant to look for a dress for Cole’s birthday party that’s at the pool we belong to.  Probably wont swim during party time, but after I can put my suit on.  I tried on tons of stuff and liked most of it.  I’d come out to show him and all the women would stop or come out to look what I’d tried on and make their comments.  Of course everyone liked everything.  I bought FOUR dresses and a shirt.  Now I’m second guessing one.  It’s long…all the way to the floor and it’s white.  Looks like a wedding dress you’d wear on the beach.  But that’s the one everyone said I HAD to wear.  That one had 2 layers and was an 18.  One dress was 18/20 but it was pretty big (only one they had) but I liked it and got it anyway.  Maybe I can have it taken in a little bit - just a jersey fabric.  One is a 14/16 jersey low cut front and back in hot pink.  The other looks like a cover up for a swimsuit.  It’s nearly to my ankle and is black size 16.  The lavendar shirt is a 14/16.  It was a great motivating experience….granted it was too expensive…oh well.  After the weekend I had I deserved a treat right?  Plus my 8 yr anniversary is tomorrow and I wont get a gift or card…so I’ll take the dresses.  I should have tried on some shorts there or something to see how that’s going. 

We then went to a place called Main Event.  Kinda similar to Dave and Busters.  We went with MIL and FIL (they didn’t speak anything of the short lived break up- guess that’s good).  We all played glow mini golf which was pretty fun.  Then we bowled.  We played 2 games all together and still had a few minutes (goes by time not by game) so they took Cole to play games and hubby and I finished up the bowling just taking turns on everyones names.  Well, for some reason they kept adding time so 3 minutes left turned into an hour and a half somehow!  OMG!!  Hubby and I were both drenched in sweat bc we were going so fast.  I’m am SO FREAKING SORE now.  That was a crazy workout!  Cole won 7 stuffed animals out of those grabber machines.  So all in all we had a lot of fun. 

We went to Target afterwards to get a few party supplies and then to Walmart for more and a few groceries. 

Saturday food was good cos I hardly ate anything.  Yesterday we ate at the new Five Guys burger place that just opened this week.  It was sinfully good.  I only ate 2 bites of my burger and quite a few fries and a few cokes.  Then at Main Event I probably had a 32 oz coke.  Had a McChicken for dinner.  Then last night for a snack I had 1/2 of a fiber one yogurt, a few dried pineapple, and some banana chips.  So…a lot more calories than I probably would eat.  Not healthy calories either. 

Today is a NEW DAY and NEW WEEK!  Doing much better.  I finally talked to my mom.  We talk nearly every day.  I called her probably 7 times last thursday and never heard back.  So, my feelings were pretty hurt and I didn’t call her again until this morn.  My father’s (passed away in march on the morn of his 62nd bday) dog - his best friend- ran away from home last Tuesday and man has our family been praying for him to come back.  Mom said she called and left me a message on Thursday night and said her friend had miraculously found him while driving around a few miles from my mom’s house.  There’s no way in hell she shoulda found the FOUND poster in a car detailing shop’s window.  Power of Prayer…amazing.  I was so relieved. 

I read some blogs to get ready to get to the gym.  I did 56 min on the Nordic (bumped up my incline and my speed today) and boy did it kick my ass.  I was dripping wet.  Then I did 35 on the bike.  Burned about 1256 cals.  I ate lunch of LC and 2 hard boiled eggs.  Hubby and I bought a big thing of Whey protein shake mix.  I’ve been reading up on how good it is for you and can help you burn more fat.  I am going to shower and go check to see if our Old Navy has some more of those workout pants I bought while on vacation.  I love them and I dont have too many pants I’m comfy wearing at the gym.  I hate wearing long workout pants. 

Thank God this week is off to a better start.  Literally thanking God.  I’ll edit this post if something happens or to update dinner. 

I did weigh first thing this morn which I used to never do.  It was still 218.  I weighed later and it was 216.6 but not taking that one cos it was after working out.  Not sure if I”m hydrated back enough.  But my sodium intake was really high yesterday.  I haven’t heard back about my thyroid test either.  Curiousity is killing me!

**** Went to Old Navy.  They’re workout pants are on sale right now.  FYI.  They didn’t have the exact black ones I wanted more of, but I got a brown pair and a gray pair.  Then I found some moisture wicking ones in black and a pair in navy.  I bought them all!  I’m trying to buy myself some time between having to wash the 2 pairs I really like.  I have more but I dont like to wear the long ones and another pair that I wore today are too loose and they give me wedgies.  Yep.  Nothings more fun than trying to wiggle your pants outta your butt while running at the front of the room.

I was super hungry and needed a snack.  Only thing close to there is McDonalds.  I got apple dippers.  I didn’t eat the carmel sauce.  GO ME!!!  I didn’t get french fries or a coke or anything but the apples!  35 cals!  HUGE LEAP for me! I went and tanned too.  We haven’t been getting to the pool in a while cos it’s about 105 here and that’s too miserable.

Just ate dinner of orange chicken LC and 2 hb eggs.  I’m stuffed!  Gonna veg out and watch tv and read blogs.  I’m wore out today.

Found out hubby has to come home tomorrow night to head to another job.  So, we will possibly get to go to dinner after all.  He’s supposed to call his mother to see if she will babysit.  We always take him with us.  But I think we really need “us” time. 

Hope you guys are off to a great start too!

Yep today was another crappy day.  Hubby and I continued to fight all day.  He’s packed his bags and actually left for the first time in 7 or so years.  Our 8th anniversary is next week.  We had kind of a tumultuous first year of marriage so it was nothing back then for him to lose his cool and leave.  But we are really close and our family means a lot to us both.  It’s so strance how things can change so quick.  One day this last week (i posted about it) we had a wonderful convo and were so thankful we weren’t like all the other couples we know.  How good our marriage is.  Now we are talking about permanent seperation.  I’ve cried so much today I feel like my brain is swollen.  My poor son is pretty upset that his daddy would chose to leave us.  But he and I went to McDonalds for dinner and had some good US time.  I took him to Walmart and let him pick out a few little toys and he picked out a bike for his birthday that’s the day after our anniversary.  He’s been so sweet and has been “taking care” of me.  I was pretty upset all day.  This is the best I’ve felt all day.  I know no matter what God will provide and I’ll be ok.  Hubby texted me earlier and said he wanted to work things out.  But you know he didnt want to fix anything all day long.  So, what do I believe?  Take him back and then set myself up for more heartbreak.  He’s currently “at the lake” where his parents and family live.  They are ALL severe alcoholics and my hubby would be to if I didn’t nag him so much.  I really dont like to drink at all.  I like the thought of it, but it makes me feel bad.  Hubby says mean things to me when he’s drunk…so I told him drinking or me.  He’d chosen me.  But I cant trust him out there without me reminding him not to drink.  His parents try to shove alcohol down his throat cos no one is fun without booze.  So, I’m very worried.  Iguess he’s a grown up and can make his own choices.   His mom hates me pretty much and is probably THRILLED that’s he’s left.  Anyway…I guess we’ll see how the saga plays out.

I went to my dr. appt today.  I dont have insurance so I go to a local clinic.  I get there and she says how well I’ve done and she can see I’ve lost weight.  I had them look and I’m down 10 pounds since last visit.  I told her I was frustrated that I’m not losing it quicker.  She said cut back on carbs.  Damnit I rarely eat carbs as it is!  Well…she said I had 2 months to go before my annual.  I said “well I ran out of BC pills I figured it was time” she said she musta written the script wrong last time.  So…now I have to go thru all that anxiety AGAIN.  I did get the blood work taken anyway to have the thyroid checked.  The scale said 219 this morning and that’s what the one at home said too.  So, that’s ok I guess.  Much higher than I’d hoped, but too much stress around here.

I went and got a manicure and pedicure though.  Toes are real cute.  I got polka dots for the first time! 

Just let Cole (son) call his dad and say good night.  He didn’t want to talk to me though.  That’s really wanting to fix things huh?  Oh well.  Lifes hard.  I’ll be alright. Hopefully.

No exercise today.  Ate regular breakfast of multigrain/low cal english muffing and slimfast.  Wasn’t up for eating all day.  Then took Cole to Mcdonalds.  I ordered the new angus burger with swiss cheese and mushrooms, fries, and coke.  I took off half bun and only ate half of the burger.  Ate most of the fries.  So, pretty bad….but I had a crappy day so I dont care.

I’m sure tomorrow wont be a piece of cake (sounds delicious) either.  I will try my hardest to get to the gym.  I’m thinking of hopping on the elliptical here at home cos I wont be able to sleep anyway.  We are also having some bad weather nearby so my satellite isn’t working so not a whole lot to do.  We’ll see.  I’ll read a few more blogs and maybe get inspired.

Thanks for listening to all my worries and woes.  I will get out of this funk one way or another! 

*********************************************************************************************************

Ok so I got off my butt and worked out from 10:30 pm to 11:30 pm.  I couldn’t stand for this to be the day I didn’t work out.  I cant ruin the progress I do have just cos life gets hard.  I was super sweaty!  Felt good.  I hope it helps me sleep better.  I hardly sleep as it is and never do when we are fighting. 

I needed a snack so I cut up half a zucchini, threw in a few baby carrots, and (bad) 4 baby pickles.  less than tbsps of ranch.  Better than chips and dip!  I know it’s midnight, but oh well.  I’ll probably be up a few more hours. 

I also did some chores.  Hung up laundry.  Wiped down bathroom counter and cleaned mirrors.  ETc.  So, least I got a few things done. 

9 days of exercise in a row!

I wrote and posted, but came back to add to it and it’s no where to be found!  What a pain!

Been a long crappy day (it was fine till hubby came home pissed off and we are all feeling the wrath). 

I worked out today 45 mins on the Nordic (12% incline for most of it for a vertical distance of 1030 ft, and 2.5 miles) and did the bike for 30 mins for a total of 1089 cals.  Now I’m icing my ankle.  Don’t know if I pulled something or what but it hurts pretty good.

Been doing good on eating the last few days bc my annual is up tomorrow.  I’m dreading it, the scale, and being poked and prodded.  I’ve had Lean Cuisines for lunch and dinner both days with 2 hard boiled eggs.  Been bumping up the protein with them bc it’s so easy and been doing serious muscle straining exercises.  I weighed today and saw 216.8, but later on once I was more hydrated I was 217.2 - so that’s what I’m sticking with. 

So, hubby was supposed to be home at 2 pm from work otherwise be on OT.  Well he called me at 3 and said he was on his way home.  I was exhausted and by 3:40 when he wasn’t home I laid down to rest.  So, when I got up an hour later I asked where he was.  He tried to tell me he was home by 3:15..WHATEVER!!!  I looked at the damn clock!  So, it went from there.  He was pissed over some Crocs I ordered for our son on June 2nd and hadn’t gotten them yet.  He was pissed that I hadn’t “taken care” of it.  So he’d been on the phone for 45 mins and they said they didn’t have any and weren’t sending any and wouldn’t be billed.  Dont order from them by the way I never got an email or anything.  I’d been on the phone calling numbers about 3 wks ago for 2.5 hours and sent them emails, etc.  got no where.  So, the fight went on from there and he just gets mean.  He’s just always right (so he thinks) and can do no wrong.  He came in the bedroom to watch Big Brother with me and promptly left when it was over.  His stepdad’s family reunion is this weekend and I’ve been taking calls from them and doing favors for them this evening.  All the while he’s asleep on the couch.  We aren’t even going to this thing.  I told someone we were and hubby’s decided he doesn’t want to go - so we aren’t.  So, now I’m even madder cos he’s asleep and I”m still stewing. 

I’ve also called my mom 5 times today and not heard back and she never answered.  I talk to her nearly every day.  I just get to thinking and getting emotional.  Just taking everything too personal I guess.  I desperately want to go raid the fridge.  This is the worst I’ve felt like that in a long time.  I’m just so focused on that scale tomorrow its the only thing that’s stopping me right now. 

OOHHHHH…and by the way….hubby sat here the first 40 minutes of watching Big Brother and ATE the whole time.  I was nearly in tears.  He was slowly eating bbq kettle chips (my fave), beef jerkey, rice crispie treats, etc and washing it down with fruit juice.  GRRR…That’s so freakin inconsiderate.  I’m having a hard time and he could care less.  SELFISH!  All I do is say the nice things he does on here.  I feel bad about even telling this stuff.  But it’s life and how it goes.  This is my biggest trigger to eat. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Fingers crossed.

ps on a better note….I have worked out hard 8 days in a row!

Today has seemed very long so far.  Didn’t do a whole lot this morning…read a bunch of blogs.  I’m going to have to put myself on ban to once a day on here!  But it gets me motivated to get off my butt and do something.  I was awake off and on last night with a sore throat.  I’ve been feeling very tired and that’s normally a sign of me getting sick.  I called hubby and said I was going to take a nap (so he wont call) and wound up reading a bunch of blogs and heading to the gym. 

This is way too much info….but I loaded up on fiber yesterday bc I didn’t go to the bathroom.  Well, went a few times this morning and figured I was done.  So I headed for the gym.  9 minutes into my workout..OH NO!  I have a huge public bathroom phobia…but it was either suck it up or walk out after 9 mins.  Luckily no one’s ever hardly in the bathroom.  Then headed back.  I did 45 min on Nordic, 30 on bike, and 20 min of weights.  I was sooooo pissed 20 minutes into the Nordic cos I accidentally dropped my IPOD and some how pulled the emergency stop off again!!!  I lost all my stats and was so mad.  Luckily my HRM had some of them.  Burned about 1100 cals.  I may try to do my Body at Home exercises just so I dont feel like a failure already.  Hubby has to come home tonight and probably wont be here till after 11pm so I probably should clean.  I try to save all the picking up and such for Thursday morning so its clean when he gets home.  But then I probably will have time for 20 mins of those exercises. 

Eatings been good.  I was going to have my whole grain waffles for dinner and I was on the phone with hubby while contemplating.  He said DONT DO IT….eat ur lean cuisine.  So I did.  But I had 2 soft boiled eggs too (they were supposed to be hard but guess I forgot how to boil an egg).  Lunch I had a lean cuisine and some watermelon.  I’ll have some zucchini n bell peppers if I need a snack bc I didn’t get any veggies in today.  THATS AWFUL!

I go for my annual on Friday (I hate it - it’s just…awkward).  I’ve decided to have my thyroid checked while I’m at the office.  I just feel like I should have lost more weight.  I’ve been working out steadily since May and have only lost about 6 pounds.  It’s not like I’m eating french fries all day long with a side of ice cream!  Hubby thinks it’s a good idea too.  My mom’s side of the family is all on thyroid meds.  She is one of 5 kids.  My uncle that I hadn’t seen in 10 years recommended it.  In the last few years he started meds and lost like 50 pounds right away bc his system had been so outta whack.  My mom says he’s on 4x the dosage she is.  They are a northern farming family so they are all bigger.  I definitely follow their body type. 

I hope it solves something and doesn’t just tell me what I dont want to hear.  I WANT AN EXCUSE DARNIT!

I’m going to go do some laundry and make my way to the exercise ball.  I’ll be back shortly cos I cant get enough of those blogs read.  Write something good!

********************************************************************************************************

Ok I published that and realized my title was Party plannin….didn’t write one thing about that.  I spent most of the afternoon trying to plan my sons 6th birthday party.  His birthday is next week and I guess I’ve just put it off hoping it would go away.  6 is so much older than 5.  It’s going to be at the pool we belong too.  We can rent it out for a private party and invite as many people as we want.  I went online to walmart.com and made up some photo invites.  Went to pick them up an hour later.  They are pretty cute!  I need to get to addressing them tonight hopefully.  OK now I’m really gonna go!  Added another thing to the list!

*******************************************************************************************************

Did my extra exercises.  I still didn’t do them the way he said, but I did them how normal people do them…haha.  Plus I did the ones I liked over again.  For 25 mins.  I was sweaty when I was done!  Go me! 

Today has been pretty boring.  I woke up pretty darn sore from those exercises yesterday.  I didn’t go to sleep until 1:30 and had weird dreams about my dad and my great aunt who passed a month before my Dad.  So, it was not restful sleep at all.  I took a nap around 11:30.  I felt like I was going to do nothing all day so I put on my workout clothes and headed to the gym.  I only did 30 min on nordic and 30 on bike.  I kept forgetting to start my HRM and then accidentally pulled out the emergency shut off on the nordic so i lost all m y stats about 20 min in.  Blahdee blah.  I probably only burned about 850 cals.  But did lots of incline on the Nordic so my legs are really sore now. 

Took shower…did a few chores…did some more nothing.  I hard boiled some eggs (which I’ve been meaning to do for a while) bc they expire tomorrow. 

Weighed today and the scale SOARED up 2.2 pounds.  So freaking annoying.  Not sure what that’s all about.  I’ve been good today on cals tho.  I cut up some zucchinis and bell peppers and a watermelon so that was snacks and the veggies I ate with my Lean Cuisine today.  It was super good some kind of crusted tilapia with some rice/corn/poblano peppers.  I should have looked better….but it was good! 

So now I’m not sure if I’m working out too much.  You know they say the 3 days a week thing.  But surely 6 days of cardio cant hurt you?!  I’ve not been doing much weight training and if I do it’s every other day.  I guess I’m looking for some magic cure.  Diet and exercise they say, but doesn’t seem to work that well for me right now.  Probably should get some blood work done or something, but I dont have insurance so I try to never do anything…haha!

Hope your day is better and more fun than mine!

I have worked my ass off today.  I dont really even know why.  That book by Jorge Cruise-Body at Home .  Not sure if I like it but thought I’d try day one at least.  I didn’t follow the food plan or get in near enough protein.  But first thing this morning I did my elliptical for 20 minutes instead of the brisk walk.  It was all UP HILL from there.  I was in a crappy mood most of the day. Ate breakfast.  After that my HRM broke so I had to find my receipt and packaging and go to Target…I’m lost without it!  I got that, a door gym (resistance band that can hook to your door), and a pilates set of dvds.  BTW…TARGET is having a sale on a bunch of their workout stuff.  Came home to get my HRM out of the package and get a bottle of water and headed to the gym.  I did 37 minutes on the Nordictrack and 33 on the bike.  I came home and did my Body at Home exercises which took exactly 20 minutes.  (I sucked at them bc he wants u to take 10 secs to get into the position hold for 2 secs and another 10 to get back to original position.)  I can only hold a lunge on this frame for so long!  This evening I did about 10 mins on the Wii Fit just to get another 1/2 star done. 

I officially weighed on the Wii Fit and it was 218.  I got online to find out what my calorie intake should be.  I’m convinced I’m sabotaging myself bc I’ve got to be WAYYYY under on my cals every day.  Even days we eat out.  To maintain it was nearly 2700 cals.  So to lose that’s 2100-2200.  There’s no way I’m eating that much.  I only drink water most days so there’s no pointless calories slipping in.  So, I”m going to try to eat a bit more.  Today was hard bc I forgot to eat lunch bc of all the running around and working out.  STUPID!  But I didn’t have the total melt down and woosiness I had yesterday.  I did way too much working out today.  I like to be sore tomorrow, but not sure if I’ll be able to move at all!

I’ve got to find a way to jumpstart this weightloss.  I’m not real happy with the progress considering I burn nearly 1500 cals a day.  I feel too guilty to not get to the gym.  I think I’ve got an addiction. 

Elliptical pre-breakfast:  20min - 220 cals

Nordictrack/bike:70 mins - 1040 cals

resistance workout:20 mins - 185

wii fit 10 mins - didn’t wear HRM     TOTAL  120 mins - 1445 cals burned

I’m wore out now.  I’ll probably cut up a watermelon if I need to snack later.  Right now I’m stuffed.  Gonna go relax and watch tv or read.  Good luck!

*****************************************************************************************************************

No snacks tonight.  Hubby called (he works in New Mexico 4 days a week most of the time) about 9 and we spent an hour on the phone solving the problems of the world.  That NEVER happens.  His mother is having issues with her husband.  He’s a severe alcoholic and she’s a pretty good one too.  She wants to control his drinking but cant do it herself.  So we had to talk all about that.  I’m a firm believer that if you cant change yourself you can never help anyone else.  You have to be the example and maybe they will follow. 

I feel like I’m inspiring my husband.  It’s 10 and he was heading down to the hotel pool and gym to work out and swim.  My husband is more of the “the second I get off work it’s all about TV till I fall asleep” kind.  So I was shocked.  He has his moments when he’s not very supportive, but tonight he just kept going on and on about how good I’m doing and how hard I’m working to better myself.  That always feels good when people tell you.  Especially your spouse bc sometimes I think they get so complacent and really it doesn’t matter to them.  I told him I didn’t feel like I was losing enough for the time line I’ve been working out so hard.  So, he said he’s going to be my partner and we are going to do more weight training.  He’s 5′8″, 175 pounds.  He’s not fat, but with his shirt off he’s getting little man boobies.  HE’s NEVER had them before and he’s got a belly.  It’s better than it was, but I always tell him “you are naturally thin and can lose the weight in one extra Bowel movement….so why try to be bigger than you are??”  Once you become that you’ll regret it and then it wont be as easy to get off.   He also has severe asthma.  When he gains even 5 pounds he cant breathe, starts snoring even worse, and he complains cos he cant bend over and tie his shoes without being winded. 

Anyways…I was happy with the convo and we talked about our relationship.  I said I dont want to be like everyone else.  We spent some time around a few couples over vacation - mainly my sis and bro in law.  They are always acting better then everyone else bc they spend every free moment at church and are the youth leaders.  Not knocking them, but they neglect a lot of other aspects in their lives.  He belittled her so much in front of others and just showed some of their true colors.  He even would get onto me….I HAVE A HUSBAND I DONT NEED ANOTHER.  They just dont act like they love each other.  My sister tries and he makes her look stupid.  I just dont want to be that way.  I told him again how much I appreciated him cleaning the bathroom without being asked (or told).  That those things mean the world to me bc it saves me so much worry and work.  I didn’t have to think one more thing about it.  THAT IS HUGE TO ME!!!  One less hassle in life (marrital strife) can make life so much easier.  WHEW! 

Anyway I just wanted to share that cos it was a nice moment (or hour).  Felt like I was dating again being on the phone that long and actually there being words spoken the whole time.  No silence…haha!

So…like I said…no snacking cos I ran out of time and then when we got off the phone I was still feeling kinda full.  So I just went and brushed my teeth instead!  Go me!

I felt like I couldn’t stop eating last night.  But everything was a good choice.  1/2 an apple, a slice of cheese, a sugar free jello pudding cup.  The apple and cheese were at 3:30 this morning because we heard a  loud knocking noise.  It sounded like someone was knocking on our window.  (We had an incedence a few months ago where a drunk college kid tried to break in our bedroom window and it really messed us up.  He literally ripped  part of our fence in the yard down - he said bc it didn’t cost him nothin.)  So, we got up last night got shoes on, a camera, and an axe.  Yep, can u tell we live in Texas?!  Ok a gun is more Texan but we dont have one.  I said after the second round of the noise that it sounded more like fireworks.  Hubby didn’t believe me.  So we were on the porch and hubby was snooping around the side of the house.  A cop sits at our stop sign for a few minutes and drives off.  A few minutes he comes back and is using a flash light to search the neighborhood.  Hubby goes out (after slyly dropping his massive axe) and goes to the middle of the street to talk to the cop.  He says he was responding to an alarm being set off in the neighborhood and heard fireworks.  He was searching for the culprit.  BOOYAH I was right!  (hubby never lets me be right - even if I am.)  So….from then it took me until about 6 am to get to sleep.  I cannot get sleep no matter how hard I try.  Needless to say I was in bed until 11am trying to get a nap at least. 

Got up had my usual Thomasville LIght whole grain english muffin (an acquired taste but you get addicted) and 8oz of slimfast.  Watched TMZ(cos hubby was).  I decided I wanted to go to the gym but was procrastinating bc I knew I really needed to deep clean the bathroom.  Hubby threw in that he cleaned the tub, toilet, etc before I woke up!  WOO HOO!!  I had mentioned yesterday that it needed doing and by golly he heard the words I spoke for a change.  I was thrilled!  I said “YAY I can go the gym and not feel guilty!” 

He went with me to the gym.  I showed him the Nordictrack.  Course he can never just take it easy (with his healing broken foot)…he’s got to try to whoop my ass.  But slow and steady wins the race, right?!  He quit after 30 mins because his leg was burning - did a few weights and was hanging around so I told him to go home and leave me alone.  So he walked home (2 blocks).  I wound up doing 53 mins on the Nordictrack (3.036miles and 516vertical ft) and 37 minutes on the bike.  I accidentally didn’t restart my HRM so it was stuck at the 1000+/- cals that I did on the nordic.  So I’d guess about 1450-1500 cals burned total. 

I guess I under-did it on my cals today.  We were at Sams and I was grouchy and nearly passed out.  I’d eaten a piece of cheese and some beef jerkey after working out but I guess I needed some carbs or something more. 

Didn’t do too good on my dinner.  We were going to go to this new place - opened the door and they said we dont officially open until Tuesday.  I was so annoyed.  We wound up at Burger King cos the boys insisted.  I was going to order a Whopper with cheese and then noticed they have a whopper Jr.  NEVER have I considered getting that so I didn’t know it existed I guess.  I got that and only had about 8-10 fries and took off the bottom bun of the hamburger.  I did have a coke.  Sooo I indulged but made a few changes that I never would have before.  But I”ve been working out so much and eating pretty good so oh well.  I would have normally XL sized it and eaten every finger lickin bite. 

After dinner we went walking at Target to move along digestion.  I found a book called “Body at Home” by Jorge Cruise.  I’ve read the whole first part.  I dont think I can follow the plan at all.  But it shows some great exercises so you dont get in a rut.  Has some good charts for you to fill out, etc.  I guess I need to go get a new resistance band bc it says you need some kind of thing that secures it to the door so that you can do overhead stuff and waist height stuff.  I dont have anything like that.  It also says you have to do a 20 min walk before breakfast.  I DONT DO NOTHIN BEFORE BREAKFAST!!!  Not sure if that will work.  It says if you fast before your workout you can burn 150-200 extra cals during the day without trying. 

I’m not feeling to good.  Haven’t been since the little episode at Sams.  Feel kinda icky and nauseated.  Not sure if I overdid it or need a few more cals or what.  I DONT FRIGGIN KNOW!!  I hate not knowing.

I weighed myself a hundred times today and got a different response every time.  218.6-217.2 were the range.  So, if that was true I’ve lost nearly another pound since yesterday.  I think most of it was water weight from the plane rides.  My fingers and feet were so swollen the whole time we were there and were back.  I can bend my fingers normally now!  So…this weightloss is not typical for me at all.  I was 216.5 before we left.  I was so discouraged when I came back 225.6.  WHAT?!  I’m learning more and more from reading up on this stuff and reading others blogs.  I guess I never really knew the damage of salt either.  BAD BAD BAD.  I just hope this weightloss continues.  Even if it’s 0.2 lbs a day.  ANYTHING!  I take whatever I can get. 

Hubby has been messing around cleaning up this laptop for the last 3 hours so I finally had a few minutes (he’s already asleep next to me) to do my blog.  Now my day is complete and I can sleep.  IT’s already 11:30 - gotta be prepared for anything when I sleep.  I gotta get more somehow.

Success to us all!

We went to Olive Garden last night and I didn’t do so hot.  I had water…we ordered an appetizer (fried zuchs, fried calamari, and fried raviolis) - I had 2 of each and maybe 6 of the calamari….my hubby ate most of it.  I had about 4-5 bites of my meal of chicken and shrimp carbonara.  Oh, and I had salad.  We had a piece of lemon cake to bring home and we split it (i had the smaller part).  I was painfully full.  I have cut my portions so far back that it’s sooo hard to eat quantity now.  It’s hard to mentally get used to that when you eat out.  I did savor every second of it though and knew I couldn’t do it again.

We ran errands this morning mainly grocery store.  Brseay always talked about her sugar free jello with cool whip topping - so thought I’d do something new.  Also saw it on Biggest Loser too.  That’s what I’ll have later if I get hungry. 

We went and saw Ice Age at the movie theater today.  It was very cute.  I had about a cup of popcorn (but I skipped lunch) and a piece of beef jerkey and some coke (bad bad bad).  Not much coke cos it was soooo syrupie. 

Felt so guilty I went to the gym afterward.  Hubby’s mom wanted us to go out to the lake but I said I needed to work out (well told hubby that so we didn’t go).  He didn’t want to go with me so I left him a box of hamburger helper and some turkey and said he could be in charge of that.  Anyway…I had a great workout.  I started on the treadmill and my calves were killing me again.  I walked/ran for about 15 minutes and then went to the bike.  I did 45 minutes on there and was going to leave but there were only 2 people in the whole room I was in so I decided to brave the Nordictrack.  I’ve never tried one before.  It’s basically a glorified treadmill.  I was just going to do 5-10 minutes and liked it so much I did 30.  I did incline of 5 starting out and then varied between 0-15 and then even tried the -5.  Negative incline is like going down a hill.  I even ran on it too.  It was pretty entertaining pushing all those buttons. 

Final burn 1413 calories!  One hour and 30 minutes!

Hubby made some kind of hamburger helper with turkey meat and added in veggies.  Only had about 1-1 1/3 cup of it.  Then I was just hungry again so I had a serving of Fiber One cereal which is 100 cals (including the milk). (57% of ur daily fiber value!  Woah!)  First time having this cereal and it tasted like crap!  But sometimes fiber is worth it! 

I weighed and I’m down to 219.4.  (Still higher than when I weighed pre-vacation on the 2nd and it was 216.5 but it’s not the 225.6 it was when I got home on the 8th.)  I’m getting re-motivated.  Pushing myself to go to the gym is such a great thing.  U sit there thinking of all the things you COULD be doing or would rather be doing…but you suck it up and just GO!  You always feel better and you do more good than harm for sure!

Thanks for the nice comments yesterday.  It really helped.  Especially about the swelling from plane travel.  I knew I wasn’t just making it up and I had the HOPE to perservere! 

Oh…while on vacation I bought a pair of workout pants at Old Navy.  I can never wear pants there because my lower belly is just too big from having a kid (my kanga pouch).  Well I tried on the XXL for kicks - way too big!  I bought the XL.  I was working out and they were falling off today.  It was annoying but glorious at the same time. 

Gonna go read some more blogs and wish you all luck!