I had a pretty okay day yesterday the candy temptation swarmed over me. It was horrible. I don’t even like candy too much that’s the really funny part. But besides the candy I did okay for the day. I did have like 600 calories worth of candy though, which is really really bad. I plan to make today a much better day. I even have my lunch all ready to go. Then again I do that everyday. It’s just that some days I just don’t want what I’ve packed for lunch by the time I get to it. So I go and I get some take-out and then I feel horrible for the take-out and I go down a nice spiral saying I’ll make everything okay tomorrow. But today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and I gotta face that.

So it’s been awhile since I posted because I started to backslide. I dunno what happened. I know that I got sick and my trainer told me to cool it before I made myself sicker. then she got sick and now it’s like i don’t wanna go anymore. I just feel like I’m gonna have to drag myself there this morning against my willing and able body’s wishes. I wish that I could just climb back into bed and sleep the day away but I don’t even do that on the weekend. I need to rededicate myself again. I feel like I have to do that everyday though. Maybe I should just start carrying around a piece of paper that says dedicate yourself. Maybe I should be the little engine that could. I think I can I think I can I think I can…..

So it was a fairly good day for me. I got to the gym and did my workout only to realize that I need to add more exercise moves to my routine which I’m happy and sad about. Happy because that means that I’m getting stronger and sad because that means more work. But I realized if I wanna keep doing the same thing I’ll get the same results and you know what I want better results, call me crazy but I wanna be healthy. My friend told me that it’s time for me to venture upstairs to the big boy gym equipment and start squating with a bar. I’m so intimidated but impressed with myself at the same time.

When I got to work it was your typical day. We had one kid that was a little more out of it than normal, but I ran my class well today or at least so I thought. I’m getting mroe confident inmywork as the days go by. I’m also getting more used to the laid bac katmosphere and I think that I’m benefiting. I don’t come home tired or stressed out all the time and I have so much more energy. I get to the gym consistantly and I don’t let myself have excuses even when I’m running late I’m doing something over nothing. I love seeing the results that I’m getting from a good diet and an exercise program. It feels good to be finding me along the way. I wonder where I was all these years?

So today was a super awesome day for me. I went to the gym this morning and I did my cardio and I’m at that new level so I’m really excited. Actually I can’t even wait to get to the next one. I mean I’m still super sore from doing my trainers workout yesterday but it’s the good kind of sore. The sore that you know you worked your ass off and it’s gonna look great in the end. I also noticed that I lost some inches so I was really proud of that. I’m getting more excited about losing weight because I actually lost a pound already this week. Go me go! And I feel that since I’m starting to see the results I’ll want to keep it up. Cuz I’m all about seeing the results. Sadly I think I’m an instant gratification person that’s why I turned to food because it would instantly comfort me. but you know what at the end of the day it won’t make me feel better because I will fat sad and unhealthy. who wants that? Not me I say not me.

So I woke up this morning and I’m feeling a lot better this morning. I got my smoothie all ready for the gym, I got my work out clothes and I’m all ready to go this morning. I’m so pumped for today but I’m always pumped for Mondays .

I got fried chicken and potato wedges for lunch today and ate a slice of pumpkin pie. I can’t believe I let myself do that. I think that I have the hardest times on the weekend. Oh well I do have a healthy dinner planned of a tacos salad. It sounded yummy to me and I’m gonna make it. And to top it all off I cleaned out my fridge asked my boyfriend to stop indulging me and I’m gonna walk to the grocery store. No need to get myself down for the bad choice I made. I’ll make better ones for the rest of the day. I feel better already better already :-D. Also I’m making myself accountable for all that I do and eat. So i wrote down everything I ate in my food log  even though it was bad because I needed to see where I mess up and own up 2 it to move on past it and to become better at being me.

SO I decided to start using a blog again. In the hopes that it will help me get my thoughts down on paper sorta. I know that I am an emotional eater and that it has effected me over the years. I also know that I am one of those people that just can’t be around temptation. i have no willpower. Even after having success in losing over 50 pounds I still seem to be lacking in my control for weight loss. So I have decided to start logging my food for better or for worse. I need to face up or own up to what I’m doing to my body. do I really want to let one large indulgence ruin what I have come so far from. The answer is no because that one moment of food ecstasy is not worth me putting back on that weight. As of right now I’m about to raid all of my cupboards and my fridge. I am also going to go through the phone book and remove all restaurant pages as well as block food ordering sites. Yes I know  that it sounds extreme but I really have that little control over my food life at this time. I will also enlist my fiance to assist me. I want him to no longer be an enabler because he loves me. I know that it bothers him that I have to count calories and I kinda get obsessive over food at times but deep down he also knows that it’s what I have to do to become a healthier person. A healthier person for us and our future. So I will try not to talk to him about it. Maybe I can utilize this blog to help me “brag” about my good days and ” sulk” about the bad ones that I have. We’ll see. So here it is day one…