Today

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It doesn’t matter how many times I do start right? The main thing is that I come back again… maybe, or maybe not.
I gained 20 lbs out of the 45lbs I lost. There are a lot of changes and big issues in my life now that really took me out of focus.
Today I’m embracing my miracle.
For about 3 months I felt like crap. I stopped taking my pills for diabetes which I never should’ve done.
But the past is only that, past.
Now I am focusing in getting back in track.
Summer give us all an opportunity to meet ourselves back again.
And I am ready.

Blessings!
Cintia ☼

Welcome back… Spring

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I’ve been in this roller coaster for the past 3 months. I dont know where I lost my direction, but today it feels so different.

Today seems like i gained hope again and a lot of motivation. Seems like nothing is impossible.
First day of many others, my weight this morning was (and TOM is here) 192 lbs. I know, very disappointing but! very hopeful to see the scale go down again.
There are a lot of positive changes and things happening in my life. I have to make some decisions that I wish I wouldn’t have to, but, with God everything is possible and I am believing in my miracle and that is coming very soon.
This coming Saturday is my recital, unfortunately I am not anywhere near 160lbs as I planned but I am not grieving on that, I am rejoicing in the fact that I went this far and I am taking control again on my eating and on my life.
Once more, stay by my side!
i cant walk this path alone :)
Welcome back to me! and Welcome Spring :)
Here we go!
For a cheerful and successful week!
Blessings,

Cintia ☼

+10 and pitty party…

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This morning the scale was 188. and I was like WHAT THE HECK!?
But I cant blame it on the scale, I havent been good, Im eating everything that I ,am not supposed to, Im lazy and I dont have motivation whatsoever. Its funny because I should be by now -10lbs not +10…
There were some stressful situations last week that made me overeat. Besides I feel very lazy to cook who knows why.
Winter hit us again and I am not in the mood for salads or vegetables. Its more like all the goodies and fattening stuff that I crave.
I cant believe still that I am 10lbs over the 178 I once were not too long ago.
I feel bloated, fat and the pants are tight on me now. Or so it looks like. Im being paranoid, I know.
I am going to start on Wednesday (that when I have money lol) the same cleansing program that I did to get out of plateau. And probably it will work.
I will conquer this.
I wont go back to 200’s!
I will come back with updates.
Still, Im confused and very very demotivated at the moment.
Pls remind me in ur prayers.
Love,
Cintia ☼

Waves

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This week the waters were looking calm and clear.
The wind wasn’t strong and definitively I enjoy the ride. Or the seating. Or the fact that I could stay still and watch without taking any actions…

On Monday the scale went up to 184.8lbs. This morning I was 181.
There’s a lot of work to do still. Sometimes I am being bombarded by the thought of how I am going to lose the next 40lbs? They seems impossible! But I know that nothing is impossible for who believes… and I believe I can do this! Again, I dont really know how, but for now, one day at the time works :)
Finally seems as the storm is passing by and its strength is diminishing with the flow of the days.
Right now, all i can see are waves.
And I am prepare to deal with them.

Have a great weekend everyone!
God bless u,

Cintia ☼

Messy room, messy life

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I found out that one of my biggest problems with food is that, affects the way i look my surroundings and myself. I realized this weekend that, the way I feel, is caused by the way I eat, which causes my entire schedule and life to be all over the place.

One visual example is my room. In the past 4 months I will have my room well organized, some clothes here and there but nothing mayor, will come back from work in the afternoon and do it quickly. Even my laundry was up to date.
Today I started my morning like a typical one during the South Beach Diet. I still have 1 hr to eat, I am not hungry and I dont feel restless, I really prayed to God that he will help me to go through the day and through the week without overeating or eating sweets for instance.
So IDK if that makes any sense. But seems everytime I am not doing well, my room is a mess. I am tire, I dont sleep properly and I am not happy with myself.
Luckily today, that pattern is OVER for good.
IT MUST be over. God will help me to do it.
I will update everyday this week to keep me accountable, and I will record my food intake in Myfitnesspal.com/cintia_studio185 if you want to see it.
Thanks for staying by my side.
God bless u today!

Cintia ☼

Sadness

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Thanks very much Susan for ur comment! u made my day!
Today I stepped on the scale and It says Im at 184lbs… again… (sigh)
I do feel it, and I am tire and frustrated.
IDK where to start. I guess on Monday? Tomorrow I have a wedding and I am not going to be picky in what I eat. To be honest with u now I dont feel like going. This week is been a complete failure. A complete disaster. I’ve been sad and restless. Even emotional. Ive been crying here and there on the dark corners, like I used to.
I know where it comes from. I thought this sadness was gone. And maybe right now I am realizing that no matter what I do, it will always be with me. It’s just matter of knowing how to handle it.
I went to the audition. Did I say that? seems like they liked me… now I have to wait for an email telling me if I made it or not. Im a bit anxious about it, I wish they will give me the opportunity to play a part. No idea if that will be possible. Its ok if I am part of the choir, i guess thats what I deserve…. ??
School issue is not resolved yet, my Aunt back home will try to help me. Keeping the fingers cross.
Sometimes I feel as I dont have privacy. With my brother living back in my house again, I feel I have to walk in egg shells and I have to be careful he doesnt know “too much” of my life.
It’s horrible to live like this. I cant relax for a minute, IDK.
I asked God 3 things yesterday. One of them is I want to be 140 lbs. The other one I want to be accepted at school and finish my career. No idea if that makes sense, but right now I dont know to who else ask for help.
If he cant help me, Im afraid this time Im doomed.
It’s snowing outside. And it reminds me to once upon a December, when I was happier than ever. Now that memory makes me very sad. And I wish to go back and say all the things I never said.

Now is too late.
Thats something I have to deal with it. And until i dont, I feel I am going to be always falling off the “diet” wagon, because my feelings need to be numbed somehow.
Love is too painful.
I didnt want to live without love.
But I never wanted to die of love either.
God only knows what the future holds.
Until then, I am holding to life and to a bright future of healthy habits and opportuniti
es.
I wanted to post this pic (below), it wasnt too long ago. I looked happy (although I wa
s holding cookies lol) and I was 178lbs. Just a reminder that life is precious and happiness is always around the corner. :)

Blessings for this weekend!
Hope u guys have a good one!
Much love!

Cintia ☼

Rants and raves

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I need to re-commit to myself.
that’s basically the bottom line.
I am tracking calories, and I’ve been most of the days over, some of them more than others.
The exercise started back again today and I got so out of breath. :$
Sometimes I will step on the scale and be at 180’s sometimes will go to 178.8 like on Friday.
IDK anymore. SIGH.
I am not doing the greatest work ever, so I shouldnt complain.
If I was able at least to lose 10lbs I will be happy (that’s by March 24th)…
The huge mistake I made on Saturday was buy those frozen food diner’s all for $1… they are not TOO bad, around 300 calories every meal which maybe for a lunch is fine?
i am thinking at loud. Like yelling at myself for allowing to let go of the good patterns.
Maybe I should do salads all week at dinner, and keep drinking lots and lots of water.
IDK where my motivation went. Seems like I cant put my act together.
I do really need a fresh start.
Please stay by me.
Cintia ☼

Notes

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It took me long to come back here.. but at last, I am home :)

The truth is that I’ve been all over the place. My friend decided she couldn’t commit to the practice for the audition (which is this coming Sunday Jan 22) so Ive been trying to put an act together for it. It’s almost done, i need more practice and I am only 2 days away. If I am scare? I am terrified! Yesterday my vocal coach told me the music is fine, the vocals are fine, only keep practicing.
On Wednesday one of my wisdom tooth was removed. Nothing mayor because the tooth was exposed and the root wasnt too deep so the dentist treated it as a regular removal. It was the first time I ever got an extraction so to me, was very painful. Still a bit of pain, I am taking some anti-inflammatory for the pain and stuff, and I am like: -GREAT! thats all i needed! to be “toothless” and in pain for the audition.
Yesterday i got very frustrated with my voice lesson, I couldn’t reach any note, but I have to give credit to myself, right? going to voice lessons the day after a wisdom tooth extraction is not a very smart thing to do; but I guess i needed the assurance of my coach telling me the song was ok for the audition.
So yesterday I “broke my abstinence” of like 200 days. (sigh)
I was abstinent, for me that meant, not buying any junk food outside my home. No sugary stuff, not McDonald, no ice cream, chocolate, or anything similar.
When i got out of my voice lesson I didnt want to go home. the mall was very quiet, so I decided to walk around, and I walked, and walked and walked. Finally I found myself buying a Henry sundae, did I feel better about myself after? no! hell no! I felt like crap. But the damage was already done.
the reality is that I’ve been trying to get back to my food plan since January 1, and it didnt happen! I dropped 40lbs in 4 months, and I want to be able to be at 140 by July, I think theres plenty of time, but if I continue with this pattern I am going to go back to what I dont want to.
Its frustrating. Right now I am not sure how to handle this. Some people will say, smart choices, think about it, blah blah blah… the truth is that I need prayer.
I need to become stronger against the temptations. I will always have them right? the difference is on how I manage those temptations.
Maybe is a mental state too. See, my brother came back to live with us after a couple of months. He left my house on summer with his wife and kids, and thats when I was able to lose all that weight. I dont want to put the blame on him, but he stresses me out. Very much, to the point I feel like not going home. I feel terrible about this and I dont know how to handle it. I prayed this morning to God to give me strength, because I need it more than ever.
There are a lot of struggles for me right now, and a lot of pressure too. The university put my application on hold because they havent received a document they need to complete it, and my university back home (Argentina) are on holidays! great, what a luck! :$
My recital is on March 24th. The aria sounds horrible. I feel like giving up. At church, they want me to sing a solo in about 2 weeks. I am in for it. I asked another girl for help, I dont want to do it alone.
Dont get me wrong, I love music, if I could leave everything to do it I will. But maybe thats the problem, I am trying to juggle between work, friendships, responsibilities and my hobby and its kinda no working? Maybe I have to seat down and see what is priority in my life. I want to be doing what I like, otherwise, what’s life worth if you do what u do only because you have to? Ive done enough of that my entire life, and it didnt bring me any joy.
So! Im a bit down, but like my friend said, u only human! Today is a different day and it brings its own joys and burdens.
I will be meeting with professional opera singer today, very excited about it because she is so nice.
See how that goes.
In regards to my food and exercise: I cant exercise until Monday at least because there could be any bleeding from my extraction, I do feel dizzy from time to time but no biggie. I will try to be on track this weekend. I for sure start monday… like any other diet… :)
Hope u have a great weekend! and hang in there!
God is catching our fall… ;)
Love + hugs
Cintia ☼

Challenges

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Snowy yucky day.
TOM is finally here so I dont really feel like being in the office. Plus, there are some weird issues going on here (money wise) that will affect my pocket, and throws off my payments’ schedule. Please remember me in your prayers so that everything turns out ok.
Exercise today was the same but I did it in “low impact”, cramps dont let me do much. :$
I cant wait for Monday, yep, that will be my weigh in day. I am planning to keep my calorie intake on track and dont go over this weekend. Sometimes is hard at home with so many people eating so many different things at the same time. But I know I can do it. Its matter of making the right choices at the right moment.
Everything was set up nicely today for me to have a try-out with my prospect new vocal coach (a professional opera singer) but now, i had to cancel my appointment with her, because of work and I am very worry because she didnt reply to my email nor called me yet. My boss is always leaving us (my co worker and I) to the last minute, and always makes me feel we are not “that” important. Besides, he doesnt pay me extra hrs to stay in the office. Sorry I am venting here, but most of the time when I have something planned, it seems like he knows some how and ruins all. Oh well, back to the weight.
lol
So!
My recital was changed to March 24th, at 2PM.
I am very nervous.
My vocal teacher wants me to perform “Con te partiro” or Time to say goodbye. Yeah, that one. *YIKES* I am not comfortable at all, I was so prepare with the aria, but now, she said I need more challenge. Hitting those high notes are a lot of struggle and I dont know. Shes crazy! lol what can I say?
But the date gives me only 10 weeks to get in shape and lose those 20 lbs. Now I know I wont reach 160lbs by the time of my recital :(. I am going to try though, my best, as much as I can to get there. 2 lbs a week should be reachable but I have to have complete control over my food and be very disciplined which, sometimes, I am not :(
January 22nd, I have an audition. The guy there, the director of the play, doesnt like me lol… He said i need vocal coaching. BLAH. I am not the best, but I am not the worst. Hey, after all, I can hit C5 A, not bad for a beginner (for those who dont know, watch the video “Time to say goodbye” HERE, C5 A is the note, when Katherine says “Io con te” the longest one at the end…yeah, I know lol)
So! there are my challenges.

Tough weeks are coming.
But I know, I can do everything in Christ who gives me strength.
Have a blessed weekend!
Cintia ☼

MOTIVATION #2

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