It took me long to come back here.. but at last, I am home
The truth is that I’ve been all over the place. My friend decided she couldn’t commit to the practice for the audition (which is this coming Sunday Jan 22) so Ive been trying to put an act together for it. It’s almost done, i need more practice and I am only 2 days away. If I am scare? I am terrified! Yesterday my vocal coach told me the music is fine, the vocals are fine, only keep practicing.
On Wednesday one of my wisdom tooth was removed. Nothing mayor because the tooth was exposed and the root wasnt too deep so the dentist treated it as a regular removal. It was the first time I ever got an extraction so to me, was very painful. Still a bit of pain, I am taking some anti-inflammatory for the pain and stuff, and I am like: -GREAT! thats all i needed! to be “toothless” and in pain for the audition.
Yesterday i got very frustrated with my voice lesson, I couldn’t reach any note, but I have to give credit to myself, right? going to voice lessons the day after a wisdom tooth extraction is not a very smart thing to do; but I guess i needed the assurance of my coach telling me the song was ok for the audition.
So yesterday I “broke my abstinence” of like 200 days. (sigh)
I was abstinent, for me that meant, not buying any junk food outside my home. No sugary stuff, not McDonald, no ice cream, chocolate, or anything similar.
When i got out of my voice lesson I didnt want to go home. the mall was very quiet, so I decided to walk around, and I walked, and walked and walked. Finally I found myself buying a Henry sundae, did I feel better about myself after? no! hell no! I felt like crap. But the damage was already done.
the reality is that I’ve been trying to get back to my food plan since January 1, and it didnt happen! I dropped 40lbs in 4 months, and I want to be able to be at 140 by July, I think theres plenty of time, but if I continue with this pattern I am going to go back to what I dont want to.
Its frustrating. Right now I am not sure how to handle this. Some people will say, smart choices, think about it, blah blah blah… the truth is that I need prayer.
I need to become stronger against the temptations. I will always have them right? the difference is on how I manage those temptations.
Maybe is a mental state too. See, my brother came back to live with us after a couple of months. He left my house on summer with his wife and kids, and thats when I was able to lose all that weight. I dont want to put the blame on him, but he stresses me out. Very much, to the point I feel like not going home. I feel terrible about this and I dont know how to handle it. I prayed this morning to God to give me strength, because I need it more than ever.
There are a lot of struggles for me right now, and a lot of pressure too. The university put my application on hold because they havent received a document they need to complete it, and my university back home (Argentina) are on holidays! great, what a luck! :$
My recital is on March 24th. The aria sounds horrible. I feel like giving up. At church, they want me to sing a solo in about 2 weeks. I am in for it. I asked another girl for help, I dont want to do it alone.
Dont get me wrong, I love music, if I could leave everything to do it I will. But maybe thats the problem, I am trying to juggle between work, friendships, responsibilities and my hobby and its kinda no working? Maybe I have to seat down and see what is priority in my life. I want to be doing what I like, otherwise, what’s life worth if you do what u do only because you have to? Ive done enough of that my entire life, and it didnt bring me any joy.
So! Im a bit down, but like my friend said, u only human! Today is a different day and it brings its own joys and burdens.
I will be meeting with professional opera singer today, very excited about it because she is so nice.
See how that goes.
In regards to my food and exercise: I cant exercise until Monday at least because there could be any bleeding from my extraction, I do feel dizzy from time to time but no biggie. I will try to be on track this weekend. I for sure start monday… like any other diet…
Hope u have a great weekend! and hang in there!
God is catching our fall…
Love + hugs