The Millionth Time Around

May 3rd: 156.1

May 8th: 154.8

Change: -1.3 pounds

Couldn’t help but jump on the scale today. Apparently I’ve lost 1.3 pounds since Sunday! I’m pleased with that, seeing as I thought I’d gain weight from Monday’s mess up. And if I continue to exercise and eat well, I’m hoping I’ll be below 154 by Monday, which is a scary weight for me. That’s when all my diets have failed and I have started gaining weight back. 154-158 is my Bermudatriangle, as I saw someone calling in the forum (haha). Well, next week I will get out of it, and then nothing can stop me! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I’m also planning on starting on the South Beach diet then But now, I shall go for my run! Toodles ♥

Today when I was supposed to go for my run, I really didn’t feel like it, so I just powerwalked about two miles, and to even do that I had to push it. Compared to the 4-5 miles I usually jog, that’s not a whole lot. But the third day of exercise is always kinda bleh, so I’m thinking of taking Wednesday or Thursday and Saturday off each week, instead of the whole weekend. My muscles only need one day of rest, and they don’t seem to like not getting any for five days.

I’ve pretty much layed off the carbohydrates, but I still do eat some All Bran’s. But atleast it’s good carbohydrates, and it keeps me full for a long time.

Though looking through my comments, Sunnie’s suggestion about the South Beach diet seems interesting. My first thought when I read about it was that there was a lot of meat, and that it would be hard doing it since I’m a vegetarian. But then I realised that lately I’ve replaced meat with carbohydrates, or just taking the meat out of meat based meals, instead of replacing it with quorn, or beans, or tofu. So the reason why not to do it became a reason why to do it. I’ll have to read some more about it tonight, when I have the time.

So, been working on getting back on track today and letting go of yesterday. I jogged 5 miles today and did some strength too, and I’ve been good foodwise. No use holding on to any more guilt.

I’ve also decided to make some changes in my blog. First off, I’m going to weight myself every week. I’ve tried not doing it, and it didn’t help me. Secondly, I’ve made a change in my diet - I need to lay off the carbohydrates. I just need to realise that bread, cereals, pasta and rice are huge triggers for me. Which sucks, because it’s easy and fast to get ready and is always there. But I simply can’t have even one piece of bread, because suddenly it has become 8 pieces and everything else in the refrigerator, and my tummy hurts for the rest of the day. I have sometimes been able to keep it under control, but more often I have failed (oatmeal is okay though). If anyone has any tips for things to eat that are easy and fast to make but not full of carbohydrates, I’d love to know about it. (:

Yes. I am so disappointed in myself. I just binged, and I was aware of that I was binging, but kept eating anyway. I told myself I didn’t care, that I didn’t mind screwing up, that I deserve it and all the other excuses that popped into my head. But you always care afterwards.

I counted the calories for it, to see just how badly I messed up, and it added up to 2200 calories. And it’s not even 11 am.

But just get back on the wagon, right? If I go on a looong run… well, I might not lose anything today, but I might make not gain anything. No, I wasn’t supposed to think like that. Just go for the run, have a light dinner and do things differently tomorrow. Yes. I need to focus on my school work now.

Edit: I also added links to the blogs I read here on 3FC. It made me feel a bit guilty, because I only read two… but I just don’t have the time to read too many blogs! I will be better once school is out, I promise.

Yes. I stepped on the scale, even though I said I wouldn’t. But it was just so tempting! So I did it, and I’m not sure how much I’ve lost (because I’m not quite sure where I started) but I’ve defenitely lost some weight, because it was at a lower number than I’ve been at for some time. So I know I’m going about this the right way, I just have to keep doing it.

Also thinking about exercising today, even though weekends are my day off… maybe not an hour of jogging, but atleast a walk, or something.

My legs are sore today and I can’t find the motivation to work out. But it’s Saturday tomorrow, and Saturdays I don’t have to work out on, so after I finish writing this I need to get my butt out on the running track. I can rest in an hour, an hour isn’t that much of my time, just get it over with, right?

Sigh, my life is pretty boring now. It just consists of eating, working out, studying and sleeping. And it seems like it’s going to be like that until summer in five weeks.

Today I changed my exercise a bit - 30 minutes jogging (at a higher pace though!), some strenght training and a Yoga For Beginners DVD, though that was only 25 minutes top. But you got to have some variety, so I’m going to try and do that every other day.

The eating could be better though. The amounts are pretty good, but I’m so stressed out with school work that I can’t be bothered to find the time to make something nutritious to eat. It usually ends up being cereals, though healthy cereals (well… as healthy as cereals can get). Tonight I’m giving myself the night off though, and I will spend it with my lovely friends<3

Hope everyone’s having a nice afternoon/morning/evening, or whatever time it is where you are!

x

It’s been a day so far, and it’s been so hard to get all of those calories out of my head. Calorie counting can be great, but for me it started to consume every hour of my day with thinking, planning and feeling panicky about it. The number of calories would get lower, and lower, and lower, and then BAM! 4000 calories in a day and all the work is ruined. It just doesn’t work for me, I can’t stick to a number. But since I have been doing it for so long I get a bit anxious every time I eat. “How many calories is…” “No, you’re not supposed to think about it.” “But how do I know if I’m eating too much?” “Follow your instincts.” “My instincts? But I don’t have any instincts! Calories are my instincts.”

But I’ve been good, I think. I’ve pretty much only had fruit, vegetables, eggs, oatmeal and beans in moderate portions, three times a day, and I run 7 kilometers (about 4 miles) each morning. My big exercise goal is to be able to run 10 kilometers (about 6 miles) in fifty minutes. So I should be doing okay. That’s what my common sense is telling me, and hopefully I’ll also be able to feel it soon.

This time I’m not going on a diet. I’ve been doing that since I was twelve, and I haven’t lost any weight. I’ve spent five years feeling miserable about myself and not changed a bit. Well, now I’m not being completely honest - some of my muscle mass may have been replaced with body fat.

I’m tired of trying to get down to some sort of number on the scale I’ve never even seen, of binging once every week and refusing to do anything with my day besides wishing myself away and hoping tomorrow never comes. Well, tomorrow always comes, and one day I’ll wake up 30 years from now without having changed a bit. And I’m terrified of that.

So I’m throwing out the scale this time. I’m just going to make sure I follow these rules:

• Exercise. An hour of jogging for five mornings each week. I actually don’t mind exercise - I used to, but during the last year or so I’ve started to embrace it. So atleast I’ve acheived something with my diets, I guess.
• Only eat one portion at each meal. No matter how good it tastes. I’m done counting calories, or cutting out all carbohydrates, I’m just going to keep my portions under control. I already am eating pretty healthy, I just need to get out of the not eating at all vs binging cycle. Though…
• Candy, desserts and alcohol are only for very special occasions.

[: I’m done having food on my mind 24/7 - here’s to focusing on other things in life!