Just another 3fatchicks.com weblog

Sorry for the delay

It seems life is a little more chaotic lately than I anticipated. So many new things are happening & so many old friends have been popping up ~~ & they all take so much time to deal with properly!

I’ve been staying active. Mostly walking. I go on exercise walks each Friday with a friend. And, I walk quickly daily to & from the bus. This week already, I think I’ve clocked more than 40 blocks. And many of those have been up STEEP hills. I’ve been proud that those hills hardly wind me now :-D

Aside from gaining 3 pounds, my weight hasn’t moved in weeks, & that’s really frustrating. 211 seems to be where my body has wanted to stay. I’m trying to push beyond it (physically & mentally) but I guess I’ll weigh what I’m gonna weigh for at least awhile. Maybe one day I’ll start to see those numbers decrease again. I HOPE!!

Getting on the scale each week & seeing 211 is very disheartening. :-(      

Posted on February 5th, 2009 by lanvin
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Oh, what a difference a week makes!

This past week marked my first week back on schedule. I’m feeling great, & I lost an even FIVE pounds! Just a little more than eight pounds to lose before I’m in Onederland!

That feels amazing :-D

This time last year, I was wondering if I would ever see under 200 pounds again, & now I’m almost there. Yay!

OK, back to work! 

Posted on January 19th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Weigh-In | 5 Comments »

Diet Tribe

Does anyone else watch this Lifetime tv program? It’s about 5 friends who have decided to start working out & dieting together, with the help of a personal trainer & a therapist. I really like it. So far, it seems practical, motivational, insightful, & sweet.

It makes me think of my 3fCs “tribe” :-D

Whenever I’m unmotivated, it does help to know that ya’ll are out there, encouraging me to get back on the plan & do what I know I need to do. It also helps to know that I’ll have to be honest & report when I’ve been bad, so (believe it or not), I’m bad less often than usual ;-)

So: THANKS! :-D Ya’ll are AWESOME!! :-D

And, btw, I’m doing great this week! Sticking to my diet, being active, staying positive. I’m adjusting to a new front-loaded weekly schedule &, due to budget reasons, I no longer am a member at any gym. So, I’ve had to make some changes in my previously successful plan — but, I think that will be for the best; a year of the same-ole-same-ole is enough for this gal!

Now, I’m doing a lot of walking, Tae-bo, pilates, & the NY ballet workout. Gonna try to get that butt of mine sky-high & round! :-D 

‘Till next time, take care!! :-)  

Posted on January 14th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Just wanted to stop in to say I’m back on track. Down another two points: 213 lbs. Diet today stayed under 1300 K. I didn’t do an exercise tape, but - per my new commute — I briskly walked about 20 blocks up & down hills. Next week, I’ll return to kickboxing. But, today, right now, I’m tired & need to sleep. Good night :-)

Posted on January 13th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Weigh-In | No Comments »

The Sinner in Me

My appetite has been insatiable this week. I gave into it last night: I had a 10 piece McNugget meal with fries & a Coke.

I thought “if I feed that desire, then I will feel satiated & horrible enough to do something about it tomorrow”. Fact is, however, today, I’m craving cake. What is wrong with me?!?!

I don’t know if I’m just indulging myself because this is my last week off, or if I’m finding it difficult to stay on track now that I feel somewhat pretty. (Yes, to all you new to this blog, newsflash: I’m vain). But, I just want to sklunk around eating moonpies instead of sticking to my usually satisfying diet & working out (even though I know working out makes me feel better). And maybe that’s the rub of it all:

No one wants to work out. No one wants to stick to a diet. Everyone feels as if they just want to be OK with things as they are, or pretend things are better than they are. But I have to face the facts: I didn’t want to workout last year, I don’t want to workout this year, & I won’t likely want to workout next year, either.

But, I did; & I must continue to force myself to workout if I want to meet & maintain my goals.

So, away from the computer I go. Hello workout tapes. Goodbye indulgences… excepting, of course, Emo-posts like this on this blog. A girl’s gotta have some sins, ya know? ;-)     

Posted on January 8th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Valentine’s Day Goal

I have a dress I bought years ago that I’ve never worn. I love it. But, it never fit quite right when I bought it, & then… well, after I gained one hundred pounds there was no way I could wear it. 

So, it sat in my basement until late last year when I pulled out all my old clothes from storage.

Currently, I can wear it. But I certainly wouldn’t want to have to sit in it! :-D Yikes! It’s too tight across my belly for me to wear, especially to a dinner.

So, my mini-goal for the start of this year is to get my body trim enough that I can wear that dress out for Valentine’s Day AND still sit & eat :-)

And, just an FYI (even though dress manufacturers all size very differently), it is a size 16! When I started this journey in Dec 2007, I was bursting out of a size 28. So, hang in there to everyone who just started ~~ and to all of us who have ever felt frustrated. Little steps can make big differences over time :-)   

Posted on January 7th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Mini-Goals | 1 Comment »

Back on the Horse!

All things being as they are, the holiday damage on my weight was not as bad as I feared. I currently weigh 215.2. In fact, I managed to lose 2 pounds — hardly something to praise, since I *could* have lost more if I tried, but …

I’m taking this as a sign that the work I did in 2008 was HEALTHY :-D I didn’t starve myself, binge, or revert to eating disordered behavior. I think that’s why, even after not paying particular attention to my diet & not exercising at all for almost two months, I was able to lose a tiny bit of weight instead of gaining a lot. I think my body isn’t freaking out that I lost so much weight last year, so it’s just maintaining & doing its healthy thing.

At least that’s what I hope is going on. I can never really be certain I know anything at that level of detail about anything as complex as my body :-)

Anyway, now that the harvest binge is over, I’m running out of supplies & training my body to prepare for the harsh winter. No binges until the berries fruit on the trees … or something prehistoric like that.

This year, my sister is planning a visit & I have my 20th high school reunion. Obviously, I want to go to my reunion feeling confident & pretty (& wearing a smashing dress!) — and, my sister doesn’t know I’ve been losing weight. Last she saw me, I was pushing 300 pounds. So, I’m REALLY looking forward to seeing the look on her face when she gets off that plane & finds me weighing … ???

I hope around 160, at least (most?). My goal for 2009 is to reach 145 pounds. I’ll assess how that feels as I approach, & I may decide to adjust accordingly. But right now, my New Year’s Resolution is to diet & exercise in a healthy way to reach my goal of weighing 145 by the end of 2009.

I know I can’t control the outcome (weighing 145), but I can control the steps. So, my focus is on what I can do to reach that goal. Given that my body seems to be responding well to a reasonable diet & exercise plan, I imagine that will be enough.     

Happy New Year, everyone!! Feel free to post your resolutions in the comment section; I would love to read them & be able to encourage you throughout the year! :-D Good luck!!! :-D

Posted on January 5th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Ho Ho Ho

The holidays are kicking my butt! How about you? I’ve thrown diet & exercise into the snow, stomped on it, let the dog diddle there, & covered it under layers of sand & salt. Well, to be more accurate: sugar & fat. But, you get the idea. It’s been quite a pig-out fest at my house.

I certainly now remember why I was motivated to start my diet about this time last year! I feel PUDGY, OUT OF SHAPE, GLUTTONOUS, LAZY, SLUGGISH, & POPPING OUT OF MY JEANS. I’m pretty sure I’m actually gaining a chin.

This is just wrong. Oh so very, very wrong.

But, it does feel good to splurge :-)

And it is a great motivator to start the New Year anew :-)  

Half my weight loss has already been achieved. 2008 was a great year for me. Starting in 2009 (or a few days prior, if my waistband can no longer stand the strain), I’m getting back on the diet & exercise horse & I’m riding that baby to VICTORY!!!

Is everyone with me? Hurrah!!! :-)

(Now, where did I hide that plate of cookies?) ~~ Happy Holidays! :-)   

Posted on December 24th, 2008 by lanvin
Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

OMG, I’m Oprah off the wagon!

Lately, when I’ve looked in the mirror, I have liked what I see. This has made it difficult for me to stick to my exercise & diet plans. And, although I think self-loathing is NEVER good! I do think it is helpful to remind ourselves that what our mind can tell us is “good enough” sometimes still isn’t.  

I still can’t shop the main floor at Neiman’s. I still feel tightly packed on airplane seats. These things matter to me. So, I must continue to workout & stick to my eating plans. Because as good as I feel now, at 200 pounds — just imagine how good I’ll feel about myself when I reach my goals.

And, just to appeal to the vain part of myself: at my current weight, I’m Oprah off the wagon; near my goal weight, I’m the hot & happy Oprah to the left:

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa315/kittycatcarlyle/goodOprahat160_badOprahat200pounds.jpg    

Mind you, she’s still pretty (& likely still fairly healthy) at 200 pounds. But no one can argue that she radiated a happiness when she was 160 that not even photoshop can add after she let go of her goals.

Posted on December 11th, 2008 by lanvin
Filed under: Mini-Goals, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

A Brave New Virtual World

It is incredible to think that, when I started this journey, I thought I knew what I needed to do. I thought I needed to reclaim my life, & what that meant was to weigh approximately 135 — even though what I *really* wanted to weigh was what I weighed in high school — even though I knew that I suffered from anorexia in high school — even though I knew suffering from anorexia wasn’t healthy — even though I knew venerating my anorexic weight was “wrong”, if I can say that about an effect of my disease.

Still, I did. When I started this journey, I still wanted to weigh under 100 pounds. Or, at the very least, under 110. Or, to put it another way: at the very, VERY most 135.

Well, thanks to Prevention’s Virtual Model, I can now see how wrong weighing any of those afore-idolized weights would be for me:

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa315/kittycatcarlyle/2008Dec9_weightof99.jpg

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa315/kittycatcarlyle/2008Dec9_weightof109.jpg 

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa315/kittycatcarlyle/2008Dec9_goalweight135.jpg 

What I think, now, is that I have been very wrong. I cannot tell AT ALL which model weighs 99 or 109! In fact, when I first ordered them on this page, I ordered them wrong because I couldn’t even tell 99 from 110 from 135!!!

To think I spent YEARS torturing myself trying to weigh under 100 pounds, when I could have been having a grand time weighing 135! That breaks my heart for the people still suffering from eating disorders…

But, it makes me feel SO GOOD for myself because I truly believe that I will NOT fall victim to that disease now.

Since I’ve started this process, I have feared I would fall victim to my EDs again. Every time I restricted my diet or committed to a strict regime, I evaluated whether I was taking that first step down that slippery slope to ED. I don’t think I have, & the fact that I feel good about the following images tells me I won’t likely.

To start, let’s look at my progress. This is how I looked when I started (284 lbs):

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa315/kittycatcarlyle/2008Dec9_startweight284.jpg

And this is how I currently appear (216 lbs):

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa315/kittycatcarlyle/2008Dec9_currentweight216.jpg 

That’s a pretty big difference, huh? No wonder I’m feeling great about myself! I think the difference is pretty awesome! :-D

That said, here is my next goal weight (170 lbs):

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa315/kittycatcarlyle/2008_Dec9_midgoalweightof170.jpg 

I CANNOT WAIT! As the weight falls away from my body & face, I see more & more of ME (which used to terrify me, but now I WANT MOAR!!)

At 170, not only am I still deemed considerably overweight by BMI standards, it is still a little difficult to see the contours of my face & body that make me look like ME. Given revealing more of me is my goal, 145 is the lowest weight I can put into the virtual modelizer & still feel good about the image:

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa315/kittycatcarlyle/2008Dec9_goalweight145.jpg 

While still larger than what many people would aspire to (this is just inside “normal” range according to the BMI), & still larger than what [the worst] members of my family would like me to weigh & what all my former high school “friends” will expect me to look like when I appear at my 20th high school reunion this year, this is the weight I think I would feel comfortable weighing.  

And I don’t think I feel that way simply because I’m used to being fat. I think what I’m used to now, is being large — and what I’m getting used to now is revealing ME. And both are wonderful things!

I am larger than life. I am HUGE! So was Auntie Mame. So were all the grand dames of 1940’s cinema. So is Bette Midler, Liza Minnelli, Carol Burnett, Dolly Parton, & every single fabulous woman I’ve admired & who has inspired me throughout my life. And, regardless of whatever their weight, not one of them ever seemed small.

That’s what I’m owning: ME. Larger than life ME. 

And though I may not be deemed “normal” by my family, friends, or the BMI… whatever my weight, from here on out, I will never be deemed “small”. My personality doesn’t need excess fat to let the world know I am huge.

So, from now on, I commit to shedding those unwanted pounds in order to be & reveal more of ME. :-D  

Posted on December 10th, 2008 by lanvin
Filed under: Mini-Goals, Uncategorized | No Comments »

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