Tomorrow I will fly across the country to visit my best friend. We met 23 years ago, when we were teens. Even though I weighed less than 110 pounds back then AND about 10 pounds less than she did, my weight was something she always fixated on & declared that it was “too much”.
I left home when I was 18, but throughout our young adulthood, whenever I’d return home, my weight would be one of our #1 topics of conversation. I was always “too fat”.
Even when I was recovering from my eating disorders, she still said “we should lose some weight”.
I’ll grant you, she’s a bit touched in the head. Mean, even. But I was too. All my friends from high school are Mean Girls because I was a Mean Girl, too.
I see my high school friends every few years & it is generally nice to catch up with them. This time, I’m going back for a specific, special occasion for my best friend. And, at first I was excited to reveal the “new me” ~ the lighter me.
But one of the things I’ve been working on lately is not expecting my friends’ & family’s feelings about my weight to be similiar to the feelings I have about my weight.
My feelings about my body have never been similar to theirs before, so why would they be now?
My goal is to approach this visit with all my old BFFs with a “whatever” attitude about whatever they say or seem to imply. I am what I am: I workout regularly & hard. I eat well. I take vitamins. I don’t drink, smoke, or take drugs. I moisturize regularly. I take naps. I am doing what I can to have a healthy body. I take the time to dress well, accessorize, apply makeup, & do my hair. I am doing what I can to look nicely.
Aside from all of that, however my body appears is beyond my control. So, “whatever” to backhanded compliments. “Whatever” to the offer that I can go through my BFF’s old, no longer needed fat clothes. “Whatever” to anything else that may happen this weekend. Whatever to all.
The beautiful thing about Mean Girls is that they rarely mature past their “best years”. The beautiful thing about me is: mine are yet to come 
Posted on July 15th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Uncategorized
Have a safe trip!
I think differently about weight than my friends and family too. Sometimes I hear them say things like, “I’m so disgusting” or “I hate myself” (referring to their own extra weight, right in front of me who’s obviously the heavier one).
But I would never say things like that to or about myself. I actually really like and love myself, regardless of high or low weight. I refuse to beat myself up about weight. If I lose it, I lose it; if I don’t, I don’t. Life is too short to wallow in unhappiness.
But, seems like most people think that fat people should beat themselves up constantly as a motivator to lose weight; and if that doesn’t work they will do it themselves.
Enjoy your time with your friends, I’m sure you’ll have a great time!
Thanks, gals! I think I will have a good & safe trip, too
I, also, refuse to join conversations where the entire point is to beat myself (or someone else) up. I wonder if by not fulfilling that role I encourage my friends to pick up my slack ~~ it seems some people think we must beat ourselves up to be OK. But, I still refuse to play that game anymore.
Have a great weekend
I think that you were never really a mean girl on the inside. You have blossomed into a lovely woman - it’s not hard to imagine that some of your friends are still stuck where they were, and when all things are considered, that’s just sad.
Hope your trip went well.
Take Care,
RubyJean xoxoxoxoxoxoxox