Well, my sister & her family left a few days ago. No one said a thing about my weight loss. I’m not certain why.
Did no one notice? Has everyone been conditioned to avoid the topic of weight around me? Is the possibility that I’m at least starting to look conventionally pretty offensive or scary? I don’t know.
I didn’t bring it up either, though.
I did, however, go to all my workout classes. I talked about my workout classes. I even took advice from my personal training & aerobics instructor sister on how to work my abs.
Emotionally, the visit went very well.
My burlesque classes have been a bit more difficult to deal with. I was unprepared for the requirement that I try to feel sexy while watching reflection in a wall-length mirror. The first day, I wore regular workout attire. I’m still twice the size of almost every performer. I felt like a shot-put throwing man; not a beautiful & graceful woman.
But, I’m still hanging in there. I bought myself a flowing knit dress I can dance in & feel pretty in. And then I signed up for two more burlesque workout classes. 
I’m also working out in a trampoline class & at derby camp. Because my muscles are tight, I’d like to start swimming or just sitting in a sauna 2-3 times each week ~~ I haven’t gotten to it yet, though; my current workout schedule plus commute is almost a full-time job!
As busy as I’ve kept myself, I haven’t lost any weight. In fact, I’ve gained. My current weight is 207.8. That’s up from my lowest of 205.4 on April 17th.
I try to tell myself that it’s muscle-mass. But, I haven’t stuck to my diet as well as I should have.
Not only have I compensated for the extra exertion with extra calories, I also got REALLY EXCITED about being almost a normal sized person & I just went along with all the food excursions my average-to-small sized friends suggested.
Do average-to-small sized people eat pastries & dim sum ALL THE FREAKING TIME, or are my friends trying to sabotage me & my weight loss goals?!?!? I really do not know ~ but, I’m giving my friends the benefit of the doubt WHILE I also retain the possibility that maybe, subconsciously, they don’t want to give up their position as “the pretty one”.
Who could blame them, really? So, I won’t hate them for that, if it’s true. I just need to be conscious of the possibility & stick to my goals no matter what.
So, that’s pretty much where I’ve been, & where I am right now. I will be writing more regularly now that my sister has left. I needed to stay away to remain non-reflective & prepare for what I thought would be a very emotional visit. Thankfully, it wasn’t. We actually had a really wonderful time
But, why oh why, didn’t she tell me how great I look?!?!?
Arg. 
Posted on July 12th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Weigh-In
Burlesque! I so would love to give Burlesque a try but frankly, I feel too fat! I envy you for going!! It`s definitely on my “when I`ve lost enough weight” list although I know full well that this is not how I should see it!
Yay, you’re back!
Who knows why your sis didn’t say anything. Family dynamics can be so complicated. Maybe she see’s you and not the weight…? Or, maybe she’s not sure if you want that kind of attention. Or, its possible that she sees you breaking out of your shell and isn’t sure how to handle it. The important thing is that you had a nice visit.
Good for you for sticking with the classes. Its good to push your comfort zone.
Hey, glad to see you back! And even though it’s incredibly frustrating when others don’t notice your effort and progress, I’m so glad to hear the visit wasn’t the emotional rollercoaster you thought it was.
Pounds up, pounds down, muscle mass…all very hard to calculate. How are your clothes fitting? That’s generally the most honest barometer. If your weight is up but you have shrunk then you can probably say that you have gained a bit of muscle. But if your weight is up and your pants are tight; I think we all know what that means.
Now that the fam is gone you can focus even more energy on workouts and eating. And keep letting us know about the burlesque classes, they sound so exotic!