One of the things I dislike about my family is that they seem to rarely think of anyone other than themselves. One of the things I admire about my family is that they do things for themselves that make them feel good about themselves.
Believe me, my family is not sitting at home wondering how to repair their relationship with anyone. They do not let any concerns they may have for other people get in the way of doing something for themselves.
Now, we can debate whether, in the whole, these actions make them better people. But, while reflecting upon my relationships with my family these past few weeks has been insightful &, I think, helpful, it also has made me a bit depressed.
I haven’t wanted to exercise or eat well at all lately. I’ve given in to my cravings more than I care to admit. And, in the process, the scale showed this morning, that I’ve gained a two pounds.
I know ~ not a serious amount to be worried about. Truly. It could pass without notice this afternoon. But, I bet my family didn’t gain weight, feel like crap, eat like crap, & avoid exercising for several weeks while contemplating their relationships with me.
Introspection & reflection is useful. I’ve had more than 6 years of therapy, which helped immensely. But, in preparation for my family. I’ve tried the introspective & reflective routes before. At best, it resulted in protecting me. By recognizing patterns & anticipating that my family would not behave differently “this time”, I became almost immune to their insults and avoided hurt feelings, miscommunication, & caring what my family thinks or says or does.
All that’s well & good, but not satisfying.
Now that I’ve poured that foundation, I’m going to start building upon it. The next step in this process seems to be to take care of myself in ways that make me feel good about what I’m doing for me.
Exercising. Eating well. Getting good sleep. Spending time with my loved ones. Working on & enjoying the things in life that make me happy.
These are the things that, when I do them, I ward off depression. They are self-reinforcing in a positive way. And, knowing I’ve done them, I feel good about myself & ready to be present for myself.
So, I’ve got a new attitude!
In the 6 1/2 weeks before my family arrives, my goal is to exercise 6 days a week. I will also stick to my proscribed diet (the one I’ve been using that has worked well for over one year). I will get enough sleep each night &, when I don’t, I will nap the next day. I will work on the things that make me feel good about myself. And I will take time to relax with loved ones.
That’s what I’m going to do for me.
Posted on May 13th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Mini-Goals, Weigh-In
Please remember that sometimes, no matter what you say or do, you can’t change how family members view you, or treat you. Ultimately, you have to learn to stop banging your head against that wall. Stop giving them the power to affect your moods and sense of self worth. In a perfect world, family loves each other. Life isn’t perfect though, and it doesn’t always work out that way. We can gnash our teeth for decades over it, and achieve nothing (positive.) The best you can do is try your best, but if it becomes too much of a burden on your time, or heart…to accept what is, and remove yourself (as much as you can) from the situation. As you are doing, reach in, and first learn to gain respect and love from yourself. Surround yourself with people who DO appreciate you for the amazing woman you are, and excise those who don’t. Just remember, you DESERVE THIS. To hell with those who don’t realize and support you! :: hugs ::
How mature of you to realize that even w/all of their faults that your family members do take care of themselves and that this is one quality that you can admire in them, at least to some degree. Your plan sounds fantastic, healthy and reasonable. The regular exercise is such a mood regulator, I find that I’m such a grouch if I miss a workout.
Stay strong, you are the total package!!