Sometime during the past week or so, I ran out of clean clothes. Which isn’t to say I ran around town naked; I just had to reach into the depths of my closet to find ANYTHING I could wear in public without either getting cited for indecency or assumed to be an escapee from an insane asylum.
I absolutely hated what I found.
BLACK, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK… (you get the picture?)
I used to LOVE wearing black! Tops, bottoms, dresses, skirts, shoes, & tights = ALL BLACK. For a dash of what I mistook for color, I’d cover my black dress with a grey cardigan. That’s what I had to wear Friday.
And, although, I took extra care to look my best, I felt as if I was receding. All the effort I’ve made in the past year to be more “ME” could hardly withstand the nothingness that comes from wearing black.
Why is that we accept, as a culture, that we can’t stand out? When I really look at people in the streets, I see that as we age, our use of color diminishes greatly.
Young kids wear color EVERYWHERE, in all sorts of brilliant & amazing combinations. Parents roll their eyes at Little Jimmy or Jane’s lack of “sense” or ”style”, & then force them to wear something “respectable” either at certain events or as they age. By the time Jimmy & Jane are teens, they’ll wear a colorful tee, but cover it with a less colorful hoodie. By the time they reach adulthood, Jimmy & Jane can hardly be distinguished from their peers; each one of whom is “stylishly” dressed in either blue, black, grey, white, or tan.
Are we really just born so that, by - what, age 25 (?) we can no longer stand out in a crowd?
Nowadays (when I do my laundry, that is), I wear a messload of color. Every time I leave the house, someone - a stranger - will talk to me. They will tell me that (1) they love something I’m wearing; (2) I look good/happy/pretty/cute; (3) they wish they had the courage to look as I do. When people see me, they smile. Kids will gasp & say, “mom! look at her!”. Then they smile.
This universal positive reaction seems to indicate a mutual understanding that color excites our minds, hearts, and our abilities to relate to each other as human beings. People want to interact with people who wear color because it brings out an ability to feel joy. Something, I believe, our typical societal interactions diminishes.
From my perspective, it seems to me, that this diminishment of joy results in our frustrated attempts to find happiness in something else: shopping, food, tv, video games, partying, putting other people down, you name it. Whatever makes us feel like we exist for a moment. That we can connect with someone else, at least about “X”.
Whatever we try, it won’t help because what we really want is that freedom to exist in the world with other human beings who are experiencing joy. I think that’s why kids are practically idolized in our world: because they have it… at least until we beat it out of them.
I’m rebelling BIG TIME against the belief that I have to “fit in”. When I dress, I channel my inner child & let her pick out what I’m going to wear each day. She rarely chooses black. Sometimes, what she chooses makes the adult me feel a bit like a mentally challenged adult, so I encourage her to rethink her choices. In the end, I always come up with an outfit that makes me — & everyone I meet throughout my day — happy.
Though, quite honestly, I’ve never run into the people from “What Not to Wear”. I’m sure they’d have something snarky to say about my clothes. But, like food or anything else we try to use to make us feel better, the thrill they’d get from putting me down wouldn’t last nearly as long as the feeling of happiness I share with the kids in the store who gasp & say “ooooohhhhh!!!” as I walk by, smile, nod, & wave “hi” 
Posted on April 20th, 2009 by lanvin
Filed under: Uncategorized
Well, I doubt the WNTW crew would put you down for using color — they hate black! And say that neutrals should only be used to balance color — not to be the main staple. And like them and like you, I agree! I do think people lose touch with themselves when they stop using color. So, like you, I wear a lot of it! And even when I was 40lbs. heavier, I never gave it up. Have you ever noticed that? That heavier people (and even ones that aren’t really heavy but feel they are) stop wearing beautiful things and colors??? Drives me nuts!!! My Mom is one of those folks — she lives in neutrals. UGH.
But I not only wear color, I live in it! We’re painting all the rooms in our house one of our favorite colors. We did that in our first place and everyone always loved hanging out at our house. So, I think you have a great point in that people need to get back in touch with color. I understand the ease of living in neutrals, but it’s so boring! Sort of like, wearing an apartment on your body! And I’d much rather wear a garden!
I love black.. its such a comfortable colour, and makes me feel like I look thinner.. but lately I’ve been feeling like I need some colour. It’s true what you say about kids and their love for colour.. I just bought a pink shirt the other day (when I was at the fat store), just to make my daughter happy. She’ll be shocked when I wear it. Congradulations to you on having the confidence to wear bright colours and bring attention to yourself. For me, I think that is the hard part.
I probably should not have picked on WNTW. I rarely watch the show. A more accurate depiction of who I meant would be that inner critic ~ whomever we fear is judging us; whether strangers, families, friends, or inside our heads.
Yay!! Another color-loving 3fc’er!! Yay!!! I wear color & I live in color, too! There isn’t a single wall in my house painted white, & you’d be hardpressed to find ANY neutrals! Meanwhile, I think I have every color under the sun represented somewhere, somehow.
That’s a great statement “I’d much rather wear a garden!” LOVE IT!! So true!!!
I don’t know that it is exclusive to heavier people & those who feel heavy, but it does seem true that unhappy people stop wearing beautiful things & colors. I think that’s the perpetual shopper’s quest: to find something beautiful because they don’t feel beautiful themselves.
paperskin: Somehow, I didn’t see your comment until now, so sorry for seeming to ignore you; I wasn’t!
I think being okay with being seen *is* the hardest part. But, notice: I’ve gotten only positive attention since wearing more color. What we fear is what our inner critic (or, in some cases, our actual critics) might say if they notice us. But, most people aren’t interested in critiquing you or me. And, if you give them a reason to smile, they will more than likely give you a compliment. That’s not so bad!
It was very nice of you to get a pink shirt for your daughter! I bet that will bring a huge smile to her face, and hopefully, yours as well
Good, thoughtful post. I “hear” you, sister!
I just went through my closet last Moday - in fact , I went and asked one of my daughters if she would play “WNTW” with me. She didn’t want to, ;( so I had to start by myself. Lots of BLACK in my closet too. I love color, so why do I have so many pairs of black pants? I was ruthless, and put quite a lot in a big bag to be taken to the bins outside of the grocery store…..
RubyJean