Sobering Sunday
So this morning it wasn’t the Sopranos.
I turn on the tube and there was Renee (Zellweger) in a black shirt with her pouty pink lips. Then Meryl (Streep) shows up looking like Dorothy with her sparkly red pumps.
Nope, shouldn’t have kept watching.
One True Thing can really deplete your tissue box.
Not that I wasn’t feelin’ somewhat fragile because 3 days of wanton eating led to a 3 pound re-gain.
But I knew something bad would happen when I willing stepped off the wagon….
I knew.
So I sit here next to a pile of wet tissues with bloodshot eyes and a red nose when a dying Meryl says
It’s so much easier to be happy, my love.
It’s so much easier to choose to love the things that you have.
And you have so much…
instead of always yearning for what you’re missing…
or what it is that you’re imaging you’re missing.
It’s so much more peaceful.
That gave me reason to pause.
As someone who spends nearly every waking minute thinking about how much space she takes up in this world, obsessing over my weight and fantasizing about the ’skinny’ me. Yet struggling to make changes to lose this weight.
This struck home.
I also think this applies to my discontent with my non existent love life, my stressful job, my non existent home life void of children, my inability to secure a home - I don’t value what I have, rather I yearn for what I don’t have.
Could you stop obsessing about what you don’t have and make the most of what you do have?
Have I ever tried this before - not earnestly.
Does this mean I give up on the weight loss and learn to love me as I am? No, I guess decades of self loathing can’t be ‘thought’ away. Trying to appreciate me in between the efforts to lose weight - yeah I guess I can try that.
It’s a burden.
Unhappiness is a burden and it is with me DAILY.
I guess I’ll write this down and post it on my mirror.
Maybe it’ll help.
Posted by anngirl on September 27th, 2009 under General| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
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September 28th, 2009 at 5:56 am
I agree so much on the “it is so peaceful to be happy with what we have”. Only wish my mom would understand it.
So nice of you to have kept on checking on me. Hopefully I will be blogging a little more regular now.
LOVE and HUGS
iniya
October 9th, 2009 at 5:02 am
Wow, what a powerful thought.
I do hope it helps you find some peace.
A few years ago I was working with a diet coach who said ‘dieting isn’t hard, and it isn’t easy. It just is.’
That line - it just is - struck a chord in me (although I didn’t feel that at the time). Today it’s one of my guiding principles of life.
I could be curled up in ball crying on my floor about how it’s not fair I have cancer, how sad I am not to get to have children (well, at least not be pregnant) etc - but 98% of the time I actually can just deal with ‘it just is’ and move on.
October 11th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Hey, Ann! Long time and I’ve been boo hooing about my life, too. Maybe I should try to focus on the good but it does get difficult with so much crap going on.
I am NOT going to watch that movie. Don’t know if there’s anything such as a “good” cry. At least for the time being. As you said, we need to take stock of all the wonderful things in our lives. Sometimes it gets so easy to tune them out and just see all the other stuff. The negative stuff.
Hugs!