! trANNsformation BaBy !

So it’s been a real struggle these past few weeks on this eating thing.

You may have heard the thumping sound of me falling from grace

and boy that was quite

a long way down.

No doubt, the scale doesn’t lie and sometimes you can cheat it but other times

it grabs you by the ‘balls’

and forces you to face your own truth.

So I’m still struggling.  Somehow I’ve fallen back into comforting myself with food again and we all know that’s a lose / lose situation.

Now I’m getting ready to head to Philly for a night to drop off one of my kids.

Last night I visited one of my kids in the hospital - 17 years old and 66 pounds.

I ate for him.

But let’s not dwell in the doom and gloom of life’s melancholy.

The good parts - my tea was nice and hot this morning.  The fog is thick and grey outside of my window.

Just the way I like it.

Yep, that’s me - the FOG queen.

So I guess it’s one day at a time in this journey.

I think I’m off on a good foot today

Sometimes I think I want kids.

Sometimes I’m exhausted and have no kids but wonder how I could be exhausted when I don’t have kids.

Sometimes I’m utterly selfish sitting on the couch sipping tea and doing my own thing.

Sometimes I yearn for kids when I see a gentle hand wiping the little brow or the sweet voice calling out ‘Mommy’.

Sometimes I don’t know what I want or what I’m capable of…

Sometimes being confused at 41 just isn’t cool.

Sometimes while I’m day dreaming I fantasize that I am granted the wish of a svelte, hairless, odor free body void of any cellulite, sagging or repulsive parts.

My hair is suddenly gray free, shiny and manageable.

My undercarriage is suddenly a pleasure palace which is multi orgasmic and is faintly scented with fruit.

My face is stretched ever so slightly as to always appear to be 10 years younger.

My jawline is taut against my neck which has once again become the swan neck of my adolescence.

My back is smooth and the fat packs an unpleasant memory of the past.

I actually have a waist.  Yes, a perfect size 26 and my abs are defined slightly.  No more hanging paunch.

My teeth are dazzling white and all the chips are gone.

My breath is faintly redolent of fresh fruit 24 hours a day - no halitosis in sight.

Then I open my eyes

and

at some point

see the reality

in the

mirror.