! trANNsformation BaBy !

I went to see the movie ‘UP’ yesterday morning and can I tell you it was absolutely WONDERFUL?!  I cried like a baby and laughed.  It was magnificent.  You’ve got to see it.

So before my movie I woke up at 6am and biked 7.7 miles along the coastline.  It was swell seeing that gray beach and morning fog but I will tell you that my nether bits were hamburger meat half way through and I kept shifting and shifting my seat to alleviate the numbness.  So next time - 2 bike shorts.

When you’re a big girl it’s like the fucking Tour De France every goddamn time.

On Friday morning I biked a grand total of 6 miles having discovered the nice gentle slope by the ocean and it was sunny as hell that morning - it was a beautiful sight to bike along the sea shore and catch a glimpse of the ocean.  That’s when I decided to be ballsy and try the whole route by the sea on Saturday.

I’m feeling better on the bike that’s for sure and despite the few comments that I got on my way to therapy last Tuesday afternoon - ‘Fatty!’ and from another car ‘ You must be motivated!’  

I’ve decided not to let the sheer fucked upness of a few young males to ruin my effort to make myself happy.

I’ve been trying to get in 3 rides a week. 

So I’m officially down 5.5 pounds for the lovely month o’ May.

Goodness knows I wish it was more….

But it’s a start right?  After all 5 pound increments are much easier to think about rather than the 40+ that need to fall off this 40+ ass.

So as we creep into June - we’ll continue on our journey and shed another 5 pounds.  That’s the goal.

No word on any houses - there is an open house today but I’m debating whether I want to drive out there…

Co-Dependent has been really depressed lately so I told her I would drive out to her and take her to breakfast this morning but I still haven’t received a call back yet.  It’s like 9:20am so I’d like to get this show on the road.  

Oh well.

Work is hell, but I’m trying to stay true to my course of riding my bike, not eating crazy, going to therapy and waking/going to bed at the same time everyday.  It’s gotta help…

Hmmm, we’re already 6 months into the year.  Wow how time flies no?  I wonder what great adventures await us in these next 6 months.

How about the adventure of buying a size 10/12 again?

That’d be the bees knees.

So I’ve decided to start eating out of the freezer - so much crap in there that just sits.  Today I found Southwestern Turkey Burgers (ummm-it was ok at best), a cabbage turkey soup I made a zillion years ago and froze (remarkably good - how odd) and some seasoned Mahi (which I’m gonna eat tomorrow).  A microwave in the bag generic brand veggies was a giant bust - waterlogged veggies - ugh.

Pulled out that George Foreman Mini Grill and that puppy worked it out  

Otherwise, I had a pretty boring day.

Didn’t exercise - didn’t feel like it.

Tomorrow however is a busy day - I took it off work.  I’m thrilled.  Gonna ride my bike early in the morning, go food shopping (fresh veggies/yogurt/skim milk), go to the post office and maybe just maybe get my toes done.  I did a real hack job on em last time and they look fucked up right now.

Maybe I’ll hear about that house next week.  On Friday the agent called me and said that the listing agent asked for final offers.  I told him - no raising the price - my offer stands.  So I guess we’ll see.  Today I sent over about 5 properties.

Gonna ask for a fertility test at the OBGYN on Wednesday.  A regular pap and that thing so I can see if they have that one test that can tell you about how many fertile years you have left before menopause.  I’m toying with the idea of sperm donor….  

So many thoughts….

I biked to church this morning.

It was the most grueling bike ride ever - but I figured I’d have divine intervention to get me there.  I threw a pack on my back, a cotton A line stretch skirt over my workout capris (bike shorts underneath), a jacket and my helmet at 6:45am.  Now the route was new, the church new - I’ve passed it on the way to therapy and it looked quite grand.  So about .5 miles away from it - I could see it in the distance - the struggle nearly came to an end.

I’m too fat for any type of up slope. 

It’s just not pretty.  

Sweaty, crazy fat mess trying to fucking climb those small slopes (real bikers would probably not even call it a bump).  Nearly .25 miles away and I was telling myself - nice try - let’s go home. Then I jumped off the bike and walked it the rest of the way.

A girl has got to do what a girl has got to do.

So sweaty, crazy hot mess parked her bike (couldn’t figure out the goddamn bike lock the ex gave me) in the lower level of the church (saw folks walking in) and decided that if it got stolen then it would be some sort of sign

Very very pretty church, I marveled at how ornate it was - I believe there’s some type of Irish history in this church with it’s colors and wood carvings.  I was grateful beyond belief to make it in there on time (7:30) and sitting in a pew alone (sweaty hot mess).

The service was alright - the elderly priest kept saying ‘men’ when he should have included us women as well - but hey - I was sitting there graciously having made it to the church (3 miles from the apartment).  

Who was I to remind him that the Virgin Mary was a woman.

At 7:30am on a Sunday there are a lot of older folks in the church and that made me feel really good.

So I noticed no touching (shaking hands) in this church due to ‘flu season’ and we were told that communion would be by hand only.  

Interesting, I thought.  You could simply hand sanitize yourself after you gave folks communion and that would do it - after all folks it’s the flu (maybe a sprinkle of swine flu) but not the bubonic plague.  I felt a bit guilty that I was coughing and sniffling.

Oh well.

Perhaps our priests need to believe in divine intervention.

After it was over, I was thrilled to see my bike waiting for me and felt excited about all those slopes I would get to cruise down

On the way home, I stopped at Noah’s bagel and now I sit here in the comfort of my living room, candle glowing, overcast outside with the sounds of dizzy gillespie, charlie parker, lester young,  a hot cup of tea in hand.  I love Noah’s Bagels - I never eat one.  This morning I got my favorite a blueberry bagel with a schmear of 25% reduced fat strawberry cream cheese.  I won’t eat it all out of sheer fright - but I am enjoying the half.

Immensely.

Oh my gosh.

I’m in heaven.

I feel so good about myself.

I did it!  

One step at a time, I know-but man does it feel good.

Saturday was spent in utter solitude - well except for a call from my brother and Mom was in a good mood last night.

It was rather strange, at around 11:30am I started to decide that I would clean out the kitchen cupboards.  It’s scary in there, shit falling out when you open it.  An absolute mess.

But what a strange notion to have?

Anyways at around 6:30pm (with breaks out the wazoo), I wiped down the kitchen floor having completed the final chore of pairing up all the tupperware and recycling all the lids that remained.  One could only ponder in a sea of plastic where those bottoms might have gone…

I hauled out about 4 bags of sauces, dried goods and korean dried goods that expired.  It was sad but also a sharp reminder about eating what you have rather than picking up shit, putting it away for that one time you might want to cook (never happens believe me) then you find it in 2009 with an expiration date of 2002.

Good Grief.

It was a pretty amazing feat.  

I am pretty pleased with myself to be self initiated to do this deed.  It’s unlike me. Maybe I’m clearing stuff out for the move I will be making as soon as I land the house.

It’s super weird.  I am not very productive on my days off and this was astounding.

Something is going on with me….

Maybe the most heaviest drapes are being pulled aside and I now I’m looking out of the sheer ones?  Could the Sam-E be clearing my path?  It’s no miracle thing mind you but I’m wondering about this…I don’t feel particularly thrilled, euphoric but maybe the melancholy is being to dissipate a bit?  

I’m not sure what’s going on but I do know that it is improving my life.

It’s a good thing.

OMG. 

Could I be turning into Martha Stewart?

Fucking great.