! trANNsformation BaBy !

Well, there’s a windfall going on - a windfall of cases as people are leaving and things are being shuffled around.  I find out today that I’m getting 3 more - YIKES.  

What can I say?

I am swamped.

So church.

I got there on time at 7:50pm for the 8:00 mass.  It was weird being back there - I didn’t really know how to feel.  The routine hasn’t changed though, up, down, kneel, up, down, kneel.  The prayers were the same with slightly different inflections, the melodies varied a bit…

The incense really tickled my already running nose.  There’s something about sitting in church that makes me think that if I painted in the name of religion - I would be as magnificent as Michelangelo.

I will say one thing - the acoustics were TERRIBLE.

Maybe that was a good thing?

Goodness - you didn’t hear sinner sister Annie say that.  No you didn’t.

I managed to put nearly 10.00 in my cuss jar today at work.  It’s been a real rough first day.  It’s gotta get better - it’s just gotta.  

So I see people are still jerks even at church.  There’s a longer line for the Priest then the junior priests and it made me wonder if maybe they feel slighted.  I took the express lane and got ‘ash’d’ by a jr. priest.  He seemed pretty confident in what he was doing.  ’Dust to dust’ - something like that.  We all wore our sooty crosses on our foreheads.  A very diverse looking cult.  At one point, I thought briefly about what was under those white robes as well as whether the clergymen were all bonafide good folks - no pedophiles lurking about….

Wow were the acoustics bad.  I doubt I’m gonna do this every Sunday until Easter.  But it’s weird, as I was standing there mouthing the prayers I thought about gay marriage, female clergy, abortion rights, birth control, penises, halitosis, stem cell research, the backwash from the wine chalice, bitchy parishoners…

looks like not much has changed.

But then a little spark went off when the Priest said, ‘Good deeds, go out of your way to do good deeds.’  I wondered about how I would be able to do that - even driving sets me off.  So strangely enough after the crowd dispersed into the darkness and the row of  white headlights and red taillights started - I decided to let a few folks go ahead of me.  I noticed that a few folks let me go.  

It was like a Liberty Mutual commercial - you’ve seen those no?  Where people do nice things then someone else sees it and does a nice thing etc etc?

Then I thought about something else I heard through the fast food speakers they have at church - ‘forgiveness - practice forgiveness’.  This is a real hard one to swallow.  Weird, I’ve forgiven my father for his most egregious sins (or at least I’ve put them aside) yet the gal that pissed me off 6? months ago that I walked by yesterday in the parking lot giving her a terse ‘Hello’ while she stood there looking at me like a wounded pup - her face an open plea - hmmm.  Forgiveness?  I think what was worse was that I was evil describing it to some of my friends.

Doggone it.  What am I doing now? Aiming for martyrdom?

See this is the slippery slope of religion in my eyes - it can be obsessive, it can end up costing you nearly 10.00 as you try to give up something you love dearly, it can end up making your seemingly carefree life of being a skunk a bit hard to swallow…. now that is the good part about religion.  The part that asks you to treat others with kindness, forgive, perform acts of charity, etc.  Now mind you THIS religion knows nothing of this at times…. it’s as conflicted as I am.

So you pick out the pieces that will work for you.  Like with anything else in your life. You grab the grey babydoll long sleeve because the white tight t-shirt will just make you cry.

On your way home, you call up LA today even though she’s pissed you off by being a skunk and casually chat with her - validating her perfect skin and lovely figure.  

Now suddenly your life is a 12 step pamphlet - wondering about those other folks you could forgive.  

WTHeck?

Then you get home and snap at your Mother for not being patient with you as you attempt to have her help you decipher a Korean cosmetic brochure given to you by some idiot woman at work who you know doggone well needs more than this fantastic serum/cream/toner/softner and anti aging ampules to make her look better.

Nah, not heading towards sainthood anytime soon.