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moody monday
The sleep study was most miserable but necessary - I slept so poorly that when I got the final wake up at 6am I was absolutely exhausted and called in sick today. I came home, soaked the glue out of my hair and skin then laid down for a minute and ended up waking up 5 hours later! WTf?!
So then I got a few things cleaned up around here, ate too many calories and generally wondered where the hell my period was this month?
Insatiable hunger.
Weird.
I’m also brooding today about how hard it is to lose weight and how I am absolutely SICK of thinking about it, despairing about it, being angry about it, crying about it etc etc etc….
So I don’t know where I am right now with this shit.
I wish I could either get gung ho about doing it or be happy with myself at where I am right now.
I am sick of hating my body - all those lumps and bumps. Today I tried to think about what it felt like to be skinny - honestly I can’t remember that well. I remember being able to tuck in shirts, to not be so hassled when buying clothes, to see my collar bones and my face is less full. It felt good but goodness, it’s a faint memory when now it feels like sheer torture day after day - all of your energy is focused around either self loathing or self deprivation.
I am tired of it.
Well tomorrow is another day and hopefully this is just a momentary slump.
Posted by anngirl on February 24th, 2009 under General| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
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February 24th, 2009 at 1:01 am
It is tiring of worrying about your weight. But just think about it. At least we are honest about it. We are not these Hollywood types who sneak down to Brazil two months after we give birth do have a “mommy tuck”. We are real women who don’t smoke up a storm, do drugs to squash our appetites, or have Starbucks fed into our bodies so we can have the caffine high and its laxative effects. Nope, we take it one day at a time in the most honest way possible. We do the best we can - alone and with each other.
You have a right to feel the way you do. You have been go go go and do do do for everyone else. I am glad you called in sick and I hope you call in sick tomorrow too. You need a kick back take care of you day. Don’t clean. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t do something for anyone else but you. It’s supposed to rain and since you are made of sugar, I don’t want you going out and melting. ; )
Hugs!
February 24th, 2009 at 6:38 am
Oh MY! Bobbie has said it all so eloquently that I don’t even have to think this morning, which is a good thing because it’s 5:29 AM (2:29 your time; I hope you’re fast asleep…), I’m about 3/4’s through my first cup of coffee and I have 15 glorious minutes left before I have to listen to that damned Leslie Sansone. I guess Bobbie’s right about how *real* we are; but it’s not the Hollywood types who annoy me, quite frankly. I KNOW they’re made up of string and sealing wax and photoshop. It’s the girl in the office down the hall from me who gets on MY last nerve (and those freaking board members). But hey Annie? Methinks that some of those lumps and bumps of which you complain aren’t quite so lumpish and bumpish as you imagine them to be. I think some of this negative self-image is the result of sleep deprivation. Hopefully, the sleep study will produce some helpful results, and once you start getting a good night’s sleep on a regular basis, things will look ever so much brighter…
Big hugs,
Z
February 24th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I dont know what I could possibly say that these 2 lovely ladies havent already said.
(((HUGS)))
Im glad that you took the day off too. Like Bobbie said.. you always do everything for everyone else. Take a day or 2 for you!!!
I think I have to agree with Ella, too Im sure your lumps and bumps are not as bad as you think they are.
Losing weight/exercising and being healthy is hard. Its not just hard for you. Its hard for all of us. Im struggling too. BUT Im not giving up and neither are you!!! We can do this, we will do this!!!!
February 25th, 2009 at 7:35 am
I am with Bobbie, you are definitely made with sugar and a whole hella lot of spice thrown in for good measure.
Sleep study, I was be so nervous I would not sleep either. I used Ambien CR, best med in the world and only use it rarely but boy will it give me a great sleep with no drug out feeling in the am.
luv ya kiddo
xoxoxoxo
February 26th, 2009 at 3:17 am
Ps. I have to secondly endorse the Ambien CR. It’s nice just like Island Girl said.