! trANNsformation BaBy !

Yep, the magical number showed up on the scale.  

I only went to the restroom about 5 times before stepping on that goddamn machine - but it would only yield the 5 pounds.

I’ll take it.

Yes siree…

Not gonna turn my nose down at a solid 5 pounds - not lost by starving myself to death on some goddamn horrible shake plan but an honest 5 pounds lost from these toddler steps of conscious eating.

I’m also back on the exercise track thanks to Shopaholic.  Now I can add this into my toolbox and see how it helps me out.  Yesterday we went to a boxing class at her gym and it was challenging.  Of course I was the BIGGEST girl in the room and had to represent.  Nope, didn’t quit, modified it so I wouldn’t hurt my knee but the BIG girl made it to the end of class.  I was also forced to stand in front of one of the back mirrors which was horrific but I took a look a few times and watching all that fat swaying was sobering.  But the fact of the matter is that I was WORKING and you can’t be mean to a big girl that works out. 

Hell no.

So today I am hurting… sore as fuck.  So I’m gonna take it easy today - count my calories and get caught up on reimbursement request for work as well as digging up my license papers.  Tomorrow morning I’ll head out early and do the 5 mile lake just to keep me on my toes.  I’ve decided that I’ll go walking either 30 minutes or an hour or one of my firm tapes in the morning before work.  Consistently to see what’s doing - not to mention I’m doing these arm exercises for my bat wings. OMG. NOT ATTRACTIVE those wings.  I’m planning on donning a tank top at the hottest time in the summer so I’ll work diligently to that end.  I’ve found a few videos on YouTube for arms that are pretty good - here’s one link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbBt9la9KqI

They’re from Marie Claire TV and they actually make you sore the next day even though they seem quite gentle.  I’m also trying to do push ups again (my weakness) - 5 in the morning and 5 before bedtime in order to push things along.

Getting rid of the excess fat also helps a lot too!

I’ve got my gym membership until March so I may go and catch a class once in a while.

I got my phone bill yesterday and guess what - NO MORE phonecalls for work on my cell phone! 165.00 worth of extra payments!  So that’ll be good for me too.

I got a call yesterday from the UCSF sleep clinic so I’ll call em back on Monday to see about that sleep apnea evaluation.

Looks like my ducks are finally lining up.

Oh yeah, finally decided that I’m not ready to face the dating world at 198.5 pounds - it’s not presenting my best.  I feel like if I’m down to 170 or 165 - I’ll feel better about myself.  So I figure I’ll take this challenge in 5 pound increments and hope that I’ll be close to it if not there by June.  

Fuck, I’ve been alone for how long now?  I can hold my shit until June.  

So my goal is to hone those changes I’ve been trying to make in my eating.  So at the end of next month my steps are more solid and not so shaky.  

It’s like a home remodeling project you know?  Yep, there’s gonna be some slips, mistakes and blips along the way but I’ve gotta live in here so I’ll keep at it….

We’re off to a good start!

I’ve got 5 pounds to lose.  

The mud bath.

Definitely interesting - something to try once in your life.

It was weird to sit in a vat full of hot mud which was very very thick.  It was cool that’s for sure - but after about 12 minutes  you sweat your ass off and you want OUT.  Then a quick shower and onto a bathtub full of natural mineral waters where you soak for about 10 minutes.  Believe me - after one hot dunk - you want to sit in there with arms, back and knees out of the tub.  Then you’re offered a sweat in the wet steam room which was wonderfully scented with eucalpytus.  That was wonderful to have that aroma in the air. Next you’re wrapped in some dry blankets to cool down and you can feel your heart racing from all that heat.  I would have preferred some aromatherapy type of mud (lavender or sage) and at the end - a very gently tepid wrap in lightly scented (if you choose) blankets.  Now you could do it for a wee bit cheaper but honestly, the other place didn’t look very hygienic

I treated Shopaholic to that and an hour deep tissue massage.  She’s bought me concert tickets before so I thought it would be a good way to treat her back.  

Dinner, lovely.  Bouchon in Yountville - THE place for award winning restaurants.  French Laundry is there!  It was an exquisite pumpkin soup - beautiful.  The Maine lobster salad with brioche was AMAZING.  Now the mussels with fries and her german trio of sausages were ok.  She picked the prixe fix menu which was only 55.00!  So it was a lovely evening and then she dropped me off at home.  She paid for dinner.

Today I had my brows done by my little sweet pixie at Benefit… she’s so damned cute.  A little half Chinese girl who is absolutely GORGEOUS.  I’ve been going to her for years.  I always give her a big tip because she is such a sweetheart.  Then Shopaholic and I went by the shoe store to see if I could get those MBT shoes that I’ve been wanting - YIKES - didn’t have my size :(. 

Oh well, can’t have everything I guess.

Then off for a 5 mile walk around the lake - THANK GOODNESS she made me do it.  Honestly, I didn’t think I could it’s been so damned long.  So that was fabulous.  It was a nice way to ease into a routine again.  I did laundry while she hung out before heading off to Happy Hour with some of her friends.  I didn’t want to go - shit.  I’m worried about weigh in tomorrow!

Who knew Peet’s 16 oz sugar free mocha’s were made with full fat milk  Yikes.  Learned my lesson for shizzle to ask for non fat!  I had this twice this week - what happens you are OUT and ABOUT.

Trouble.

Oh well.  

So we’ll see.  I hope I make the 5 pounds tomorrow!

If it doesn’t work out - I’m not worried.  I hope I still maintained my 4 pound weight loss for this month.

Geez.  I’ve spent a lot of money this past few days.  I’m not used to that - damn, gas, tips (I am a big tipper unless it’s absolute shit) etc.  That day foray cost me a day worth of work plus a little more.  GEEZ.  Time to go back to being frugal again.

It doesn’t feel like I’ve been on vacation this week.  Honestly, running around to the doctor’s does not make me happy - yesterday it finally felt like I was on vacation.  Even if it was only for one day and it cost me a million bucks

Have to say that I am nervous about weigh in tomorrow morn….

Fuck!

Did I mention that last night - I got a wild hair up my arse and decided to try the FIRM workout DVD I’ve had for a zillion years.  Bottom line is that it was alright - I managed to stay in for 30 minutes before I collapsed!  

Made me feel like I can start moving again.  

I’ll do it again tomorrow night.

So physical therapy went well - the gal was very gentle and kind.  I got a little ultra sound heat and some neck exercises to do until next week.

I met up with Shopaholic for a bite of salad and to hear her lament about why she still hasn’t rid herself of the ball sack.  (OMG - like that was so fucking rude - ok - ahem - boyfriend) Guess she’ll do it when she’s ready.  She told me she’s worried about being ‘good enough’ for some dude.  She’s still smarting over that last asshole - goodness knows my diary is full of that exact shit for like the year after we broke up and then it was so goddamn depressing I ditched the diary.  

Well tomorrow we’re gonna go to Calistoga to check out a mud bath - I’ve always wanted to do it.  Never tried it before and it’s off season so it’s a wee bit cheaper.  Well - maybe not cheaper.  Gotta call in the morning to make sure they’ll let her wear her swimsuit in the mud bath - because if they don’t - she won’t do it.  So I’ll wake up early and make a few calls.  I’ve got a back up just in case  So that should be fun- she’s insisting on driving.  

Food might be a bit off tomorrow.  But nothing horrible - I feel like I’m making progress so I don’t want to kick myself in the ass…

Needless to say grooming had to take place tonight and honestly- that part sucked.  I hope I’ve got the balls to be in my bathing suit in the hot springs.  I always shy away from shit that involves that much exposure - but honestly - NO ONE CARES.  I want to enjoy my day and unfortunately that involves me being exposed in a bathing suit but I’m NOT gonna let that stop me.

Someday I’ll be 80 and geez - I’ll wish I could walk my sloppy 42 year old ass around in my bathing suit. :) 

Shit - or at least I hope I’ll feel that way…

I started out this fine morning with a call from one of my client’s grandmother - she’s AWOL again. I kindly reminded her that I was on vacation and to call this number etc.

I then proceeded to go to my doctor’s appointment - the one for my sleep issues. The Nurse Practioner came in:

‘So what brings you in today?’
Sleep problems, I’m waking up at least 3-8 times per night. I feel like I’ve never slept when I wake up and I’m having a hard time of it.
‘Oh, do you have anxiety?’
Yes, I’m anxious that I’m waking up so many times and that leads to me having a harder day the next day because I haven’t gotten adequate sleep.
‘Hmmm, do you have a history of depression?’
Thinking - FUCK YOU.
Answer: Nope (fuck off bitch - this has NOTHING to do with depression)
‘Ok, sounds like you have a great deal of anxiety. You may be depressed. So I’ll prescribe you some Lexapro to take during the day and temazepam at night.’
I’m not depressed - I’d like a sleep apnea evaluation. I’ll try the temazepam for now - thanks.
‘Oh, do you exercise? Because exercise can really help with sleep.’

OH SNAP!

Byatttcchhh - it was a matter of minutes before the size of my ass factored in here somewhere.

Believe me, the disappointment was palpable on BOTH sides.

WTF?!

Lexapro is some heavy shit. Believe me, I’ve been on it - for depression. It took me about a month to wean off that shit and I was SICK for a good 2 weeks. I did it myself because goodness knows, it really pushed that MUTE button down so hard that I felt like a walking zombie.

To think that someone can just randomly prescribe that shit without knowing more about what’s going on with you?

Yep, really great health care system we have - can’t live with it - ABSOLUTELY will get fucked without it.

So I walked out of there, to my car and then off to the pharmacy to pick up my sleep meds.

I’ll give it a week before I call to find out if she made that referral to the sleep clinic. Oh yeah, won’t be making another appointment with her. That’s for sure.

So updates on my buddies:
LA still seein that Chinese rich dude (31) that she met at the airport - apparently he’s very gung ho on having her come over to his house. Now she’s saying she wants to go over there and ‘get it over with’. Meanwhile, her boyfriend of 3 years told her ‘I don’t know’ when asked when they were going to get married - ‘I’ll make that decision - I don’t like to be pressured.’ So she’s been upset about it but guess who’s coming to Chinese New Year dinner tonight with the parents? She told me tonight that she’s gonna fuck the other dude and take a definite break from Mr. Noncommit. Meanwhile, I just can’t get over the ‘I don’t know’. Goodness knows, I’ve been there and that’s not a cool place to be - but fucking some dude who is pressuring you for a piece of ass is also NOT COOL. But hey, this is not my life. It’s hers.

Shopaholic is still dragging that carcass of a boyfriend around into next month. But fortunately for me, I don’t have to listen to how much he sucks everyday.

Gracious - women huh?

Believe me, I’m a dumb ass about men more than the next bitch but geez - seems like being alone is absolutely NOT something these gals can handle.

Shit, I’ve been alone so long that being with someone is tricky. Yet, I bend over backwards to try to make that happen you know?

So tomorrow I’ve got physical therapy. Yet ANOTHER waste of time. But I’ve got to do it - it’s a workman’s comp thing so I need to go in there and see what they’ve got that might help. For some reason, it’s more painful this time around. I’m taking advil….

Calories today were met.

Still reluctant on the damn exercise part. I’m gonna dig up my exercise video tonight and maybe that will motivate me for tomorrow.

Shit I’ve got to lose about 55 pounds to be considered ‘normal’ - that’s about 145 pds.

Why does this seem like such a daunting number?

That’s because I have to break it up into losing 5 pounds first - then another 5 etc etc etc.

That way it seems more manageable.

Geez.

So brutal realization that a 2 bedroom is all I can afford (house wise) in the good school district. So I think I’ll just wait till the RIGHT 2 bedroom comes along. I’ll keep my eyes peeled and I’m going to turn down the the one I bid for which may come up soon.

Sacrifice sucks - but you gotta start somewhere…. I want to find a decent sized lot so I can upgrade once things get better in the economy. That also means not going to another job for at least another 3 years or so.

This may be the worst possible thought.

Ok, that’s enough.

Let’s focus on the here and now.

Let’s go for a total of 5 pounds loss in a little bit - shall we?  

The last January weigh in is this Friday….

geez.