! trANNsformation BaBy !

Ok so maybe it wasn’t a stellar eating day but it wasn’t crazy.

I had a bad bout with the sand man last night and apparently I won because I went to bed at 11:30 and woke up at 4:30 wondering when I was going to really fall asleep. Went for a shower after tossing for an hour, then tried to lie in the bed until 7:00 and sleep but it never came.

So breakfast was non existent (bad mistake) and when lunch finally came along I had a total of 3 1 inch by 1 inch squares of some holiday cookie and a 1 1/2 inch macaroon. Then off to lunch with Shopaholic at the Perurivan joint - yummy grilled fish, about 7 bites of a weird ‘lipton chicken soup’ without the chicken and extra long skinny noodles, some rice and vegetable bits floating around then one of her yucca fries (ugh) and 1/2 the mini bun and curried pork shoulder inside. Some ice tea rounded it off. It wasn’t bad at all - well that is until I hit my Ghettro girlfriend’s house and had some of that 78.00 ham and a 2 inch by 2 inch ball of her mac&cheese with this horrid canned cranberry sauce. It was good as hell.

She made me laugh so hard when she was on her 5th rum & coke while shredding her documents downstairs in her ‘in law’ - ‘Girl, shit. Steal my identity - you’ll just be mad!’ Now you know my girl fucking is in foreclosure with her house, yet she’s going to the inauguration in DC, not paying back her 3000 bucks from her uncle until ‘next payday’ and she’s sitting there responding to that Citibank tv add on identity theft.

I ’bout fell off her makeshift futon couch and coughed up my own artificial cranberry juice on ice.

It was damned funny and we both laughed.

She’ll be alright for now I guess - she borrowed 3000 from her Uncle and gave it to some legit company that’s supposed to work on saving her house. So she went from a sale date at the end of this month to the end of next month…. meanwhile, she spent 200.00 on alcohol for her yearly Christmas bash and threatened to buy a flat screen TV last time we went to Costco.

She’s ridiculous.

Back on the wagon tomorrow for my eating! I’m feeling good about it even though it wasn’t perfect today. It wasn’t crazy and out of control. That’s a big difference for me….

I finally came home - of course I went to her house after I dropped off that cleaner to my other friend. ‘Did you do the rinse cycle on the machine for the carpets’, she asked - ‘What rinse thing?’ I answered incredulously.

Fuck, no wonder when I got home today my house smells like a dried wet dog. WTF?! Oh well. You learn something new every day. I just Febreeze’d the goddamn floor so now it smells like a faintly artificial lavender smelling dried wet dog.

Tomorrow I’ll harken out to get the goddamn powder shit and vacuum the carpet again.

Good Grief.

Wow can you believe NYE is here? Dang.

I just took a moment as I didn’t remember what I did last NYE’s and then read last year’s entries in December. Wow. Did you know I weight 170 pounds on fucking 12/16?! WTF?! That’s a whopping 32 pounds less than Saturday! Dang.

I also realized that I was in NYC with Shopaholic - both of us feeling wistful about our fucked up love lives (my non existent cop and her non committed 3 year boyfriend). It was weird to read that as I remember something else that my G. girl said ‘You know they say how you bring in the New Year sets the stage for the year.’ Hmmm.

Let’s see we were in Madison Square Garden with about 8 billion folks listening to Jill Scott sing like nobody’s business and laughing at Chris Rock. Now that should have meant 2008 was a non stop pleasure fest.

Not.

So let’s shoot that theory down immediately.

Damn, that’s what I get for listening to a woman on her 5th rum & flat ass coke.

Tomorrow night I’m staying here at the ole house.

Just me, myself and I - my warm heater and some fresher smelling carpets. I will have to have a bit off the artificial bubbly - I’ll procure a single serving bottle of the finest Martinelli sparkling cider to toast at midnight I’ll shut down the TV and wish great things to all my friends, family, the world, my ancestors and myself…then at midnight I toast to everyone with the candles glowing and the soft music playing. A true peaceful setting for 2008 to make her grand exit and to usher the blushing New Year!

Shit. That sounds utterly FANTASTIC!

Then I’ll meditate for 5-10 minutes before hitting the hay…

Damn. Who knew being at home could be so goddamn satisfying?!

Let’s see - food was fine today. I went to Costco on a whim this morning with the intention of walking out with a bouquet, batteries and fruit.

I walked out with a nice bag of tangerines, a nice container of blueberries, a rechargeable battery pack - my first as well as a few containers of soup (chicken/martha stewart’s turkey), some frozen cooked shrimp as well as a thing of organic salad. I didn’t look at the madelines, the hotdog & soda combo, the sweets, the fats, the cheeses… I made it out alive.

With my dignity

Felt good to cruise outta there and drive by all the fast food joints without a craving in sight.

it was great.

The chicken soup I had for dinner along with a sweet potato I nuked in the microwave. Yummy stuff - I gotta tell ya. Ate about 5 tangerines which were good too.

So New Years eve is coming up and honestly - I would want treats to celebrate. But realizing I gained 10 pounds in about a month and a half was sobering. I know I pigged out for Thanksgiving - a pineapple upside cake AND a pumpkin pie eaten in their entirety. HORRIBLE. To think that would have no effect was dumber than dumb.

So this NYE - I intend to celebrate with my cooked pork loin, a bowl of rice, kimchee (my pickled Korean vegetable) and shrimp cocktail! How great is that? Yum Yum. I can have pineapple, blueberries or tangerines for dessert. What a switch no?

I borrowed a co-workers Bissell cleaner today. It took a bit for me to figure out and I ran out to get cleaning solution and spray. I don’t want to use hers up - so I ran it through tonight and honestly - I’m not that impressed. It’s cleaner than it was when I started but it’s not that AMAZING clean that I expected from a giant ProHeat 2 cleaner. It looked brand new when I picked it up tonight so I’ve got to give it back looking sparkly clean too. I’m gonna run it again tomorrow and return it tomorrow night. I have no room for that thing so I want to return it. Hopefully tomorrow’s run will be better. I’m happy that it’s almost dry right now - which is great.

I’ll try to head outta work early tomorrow so I have enough time to run this thing, clean it up and drive it back to her house.

Oh yeah, Co-Dependent called today. I ignored her call for Christmas. I just didn’t feel like dealing with it. So today we chatted and apparently her boyfriend’s car was towed (drunk piece of shit forgot where he parked it) and she paid 500.00 to get it out. Amazing no? I told her that I would not comment on that because she is tortured by it all. She thanked me. So I told her I might want to try another massage (hopefully better this time) before New Years and she was excited about it. She’s got Irritable Bowel Syndrome (let’s see - stressful job - worse homelife) so she’s got a bunch of MD appointments on 12/31 so she said she would want to go if I can get an appointment.

We’ll see what they have.

I’m off that day so I’m pretty happy if it works out - happy if it doesn’t. My main goal was to have this joint cleaned up, all the laundry done and fresh flowers before the New Year.

So I am one happy camper.

I also made it through day 3 with relative ease so all in all - it’s good.

Believe me, I know rough days are ahead but I’m pretty happy that I’m easing into this well. I think being busy has really helped out a lot.

gotta love em when you’re NOT on a diet.

Yep, I did alright today - stopped by the grocery store and picked up food for the week. Guess I’ll be cooking some pork loin to eat with a side of veggies. Easy peasy in the oven covered with tin foil so no goddamn mess to clean up - just dip them in this peanut powder from Thai cooking in an envelope and 25 minutes later - Voila! You’ve got a meal. Pretty yummy too with lots of ketchup.

I got some pineapple slices and blueberries for the ole oatmeal as well as bananas. Nothing else really looked very good. I need my persimmons but I have to head out to the Asian places for those…

So I had soup again tonight - the store brand in the cold section - a whole big container was 270 calories. A lot of broth so when it’s hot you sip it a lot till you finally get to the good stuff and then you can eat that last. Seems to take a while to eat it which helps.

Oh yeah, that 20 chew rule might help too.

So while a bit challenging today - I made it.

I wanted to cheat tonight after eating my 1200 so I got up and cleaned the bathroom sink then went over and did the kitchen countertops/stove and microwave. Now I’m settling down with a cup of chamomile tea….

need to drink more liquids to take the edge off - but that’s the first time I distracted myself with a chore rather than TV which makes me want to eat.

Bad habits.

I even got my calendars today at the bookstore - so that makes me feel so much better. I also did about 2 hours of work here at home (typing in notes). That part wasn’t cool. But at least it’ll cut down on the anxiety of not having everything done by the end of the year. I guess I need to do some more for tomorrow - but I sure am wondering whether I want to do it….

So that’s about all that’s fit to print today. My brother lost 6 pounds and I made the flight arrangements (with his credit card) for my ex husband to see his internet honey in the Phillipines. I guess I’m a pretty good friend. I got some hair stuff out of the deal for my trouble! 54.00 saved thank you very much!

So on the list tomorrow:
Vaccuum
Kitchen floor
cooking
wash rugs
stay on new eating plan
drink more water

whew!
Looks like a busy day!

self control sucks.

But I made it - did a bit of a calorie adjustment - 1200 and it worked.

I bought those progresso light soups - you know the ones that got villainized because of the MSG…

Well I had two of the vegetable noodle ones and it was a grand total of 240. Pretty good for 32 oz of filling soup. I had to add a little protein to make it work.

Drinking more fluid really helped I think, not to mention charting all my food so I would know exactly where I was at.

It wasn’t easy but it got done and I feel instantly better about my situation.

Small steps…

Now if I could just break down and start cooking again - I bet it would help. Oh well.

Let’s not get crazy.

I managed to pick up quite a lot today and do laundry so that made me feel better. I’ve just got a few last minute touches like vacuuming and finishing up the kitchen/bathroom - that’ll get my place ready for the New Year. I just want it to be somewhat orderly in here and not start out with a goddamn mess which I had today!

I’m only working 1 day next week so that thrills me to no end.

I sent my other agent an e-mail with about 8 houses to see and he wrote back asking me when - so I’ll write him back about Monday.

Meanwhile, I plan to tow the line till I get a week of decent eating and then celebrate by doing something nice for myself like - hell I don’t know. I’ll think of something but it won’t have anything to do with eating. Kinda want to break that cycle of celebrating with food…. I’m gonna try to get a massage before the New Year - hopefully this one will be way better than the last.

Thinkin about maybe starting up the meditation thing again. 10 minutes at a time….a few times a week to start out. Hope it’ll help the stress reduction.

Big plans for tomorrow. Gonna go buy some water, some fruit and hopefully get those calendars I want from Barnes & Noble and finish up this joint.

A good first day.

small steps.