! trANNsformation BaBy !

It was a whirlwind of a week but it ended nicely.

On Friday I visited my dentist who told me that I still needed my every 4 month teeth cleanings - an extra 200.00 a year ;( because it helps my teeth out a lot. I will go 3 times a year - not 4 though. My teeth are doing ok - which is great. I’m a bit anal about my teeth.

Ok, that was a crazy sentence.

But it’s true. I’m a freak about dental hygiene…. I’ve got boulders in there but hey - at least there’s no bad breath and yellow teeth. Ugh.

Then I hit up a different venue for the botox shot. Yep, ain’t no recession goin’ on when it comes to face management especially when you’re still trying to hustle a husband. I must say though - it cost me quite a bit less than my regular dermatologist. It was 240.00 for the crows feet shot by a an MD at UCSF. I guess it’s their way of making a little extra. I stood next to a willowy brunette whose face looked ’stretched’ to say the least. She was as tight as a drum…

But what’s great is it’s gonna take a good 5-6 months before I have to do it again and it’s a lot less than before….

Then as the day progressed I met up with Long Beach and WOW she’s pregnant again 11 weeks…. She miscarried for her first time so we’re all honoring her and wishing her the best.

I had a sweet time with her - we went to see Toni interviewed by Michael Krasney (NPR guru) and she was absolutely fabulous - friendly, warm, personable - funny - she tickled herself and laughed so much during her time. It was a true pleasure to see the only living American Nobel Laureate So proud to see her. It was a great moment.

So this morning, dropped sweet LB at the airport and she sold me her books for the LCSW exam.

Then I went into work and met up with Shopaholic. We both grinded from 11:00-4:00pm - taking a short break for lunch. It was fairly productive - but honestly I don’t think you can ever get truly completely caught up?

Oh well.

Tomorrow I’m flying out to Denver for that monthly nonsense and flying back again on Monday with teenie bopper in tow. Couldn’t do a round trip in one day because I’ve been feeling sniffly so I’m glad I did this for myself…

Shopaholic gave me her copy of Mercy - Toni’s new book and I can’t wait to read it tomorrow! So great.

Seems like the goddamn grooming never ends - now the greys are peppering my hairline like nobody’s business but I know to do it right I’ll be sporting a Munster hairline so I have to do it next week ;( so I can wear a hat for about 3 days. GEEZ.

Exercise.

Still haven’t gotten around to that yet and it’s really impacting my mood as well as my growing waistline. NOT CUTE.

But I’m feeling in control of my work so that’s good.

Just gotta get that other stuff in line…

I have to say that I was back in fighting form today… the disaster of last Friday behind me - I moved forward with good cheer.

A very productive day at work and relatively decent eating as well.

I left work insanely early (5pm) and my only faux paus today involved me running out of a store because I left my wallet at work! Yikes!

But otherwise, I have to say that it feels good to feel better about myself. I’m glad I’m out of that rut. Now back into life on the upswing

And Mother Nature is still here - how great is that upswing during this crazy time?!

Yesterday I went in to work on my day off to get caught up before the year is out. I think it’ll help monumentally with the amount of anxiety that work gives me on a daily basis - so I’m making the time investment to get the payoff of not feeling super stressed in the future. Damn, elbow grease for everything no?

I managed to stop and get the ole brows groomed as well as teeth cleaned (98.00 because I have to get it done every 4 months and insurance doesn’t cover it - maybe eating less would help this out?) during the workday. So after grinding into the evening and the ole hand being shaken every 1/2 hour to relieve cramping - I felt a sense of accomplishment at 7:30 last night.

Then Wildchild calls me and says, ‘Let’s meet up for dinner’. I agree - after all why not? Well, to make a long horrible story short - she surprised me by bringing COP to our meeting. I was horrified. There I was, hair slicked back, crap clothes on and no makeup having to come face to face with a guy that dogged me TWICE?! I was furious, humiliated and downright fucked up. It ended quickly with me walking him out and basically telling him to have a good life (in a nice way).

FUCK YOU.

But felt like shit afterwards…I don’t know what’s worse - seeing someone you have a crush on who dumped you twice and looking like sheer hell - or that fucker showing up because you were a CHUMP twice and seeing if you were game a third time. I wanted to kill WC but whatever - I let her know never to do some shit like that again. How fucking embarrassing to have someone know you have been still thinking about him a year EVEN AFTER he didn’t bother to call you back. An ego boost for a fucking asshole… at my expense.

Fucking loser.

So I guess any fantasies I had about this situation are completely KILLED off. Because there is no way in hell I’d fall for it a third time.

Fuck off.

So last night was horrible and now I’m coming out of it.

I’m not working at the hospital this weekend and expecting my friend LongBeach to show up next week so I’m gonna start picking up around here and getting ready so it won’t be a cluster fuck on Thursday night! Geez.

Meanwhile, Mother nature is visiting and it’s absolutely MISERABLE.

But I am still working at my job, living my life and making a smart decision about what I’m worth. But damn - did I have to get ambushed like that?

WTF?

Oh well.

Just goes to prove that you NEVER know what the day may bring and you know what - I spoke my mind and was NOT a quivering mess.

WC well intentioned but completely idiotic in her approach.

But no more get togethers with WC for a while…

she needs a time out….

The stye is gone.

I managed to scare anyone who bothered to come to work yesterday, looking like I just rolled out of bed despite a dusting of mineral powder across this crusty face of mine. No eye makeup with this thing under my lid next to my tear duct. I went through the motions all day as no one showed up to work so it was very very quiet.

Shopaholic came in for a minute and took me to go get coffee. She complained of having to have ‘a talk’ with her boyfriend because he’s again whining about not getting enough attention as well as sex. She said she wanted to stab him because he’s so damn irritating. But I guess it’s better to have someone than no one - in her mind.

So today I have the day off to celebrate being a veteran and to honor those that are still serving as well as those who have left us. I didn’t like being in the Army but it did manage to help me pay for some of my undergraduate studies as well as continuing to give me about a hundred bucks a month for my knee injury incurred while I was in service.

I got on the scale this morning and it read an even 200. Somehow, I don’t know why - but it was shocking and a cause for my heart to beat a little faster. Why is that so when I was 198 last week? It’s only 2 pounds shy of this number…. it means the same damn thing. It’s the reason why I’ve been wearing skirts and the same pair of pants because none of the other things fit.

I feel frustrated, lost and more importantly a bit defeated.

I wandered through the aisles of the store today looking for a product that was recommended by Islandgirl but came up empty handed. I then proceeded to go buy food (not good either) and headed home. As I walked up and down the aisles, I noticed people around me but didn’t feel a part of anything. I saw kids with their parents, couples, older folk, teens - yet I felt very much alone. I glimpsed my reflection in the store window and thought - honestly I’m not THAT fat - why do I feel like shit? I walked into the clothing store and despite poking around for a minute - I wanted out.

Guess I’m bordering on melancholy again….nothing super serious. Just the blues. Watching John & Kate + Eight on that TV had me bawling in a minute. Now I feel exhausted, bloated and basically an empty shell.

If it weren’t for work, I don’t think I would leave my apartment. I just want to stay in, keep the blinds drawn and VEG out.

Yep, think I’m depressed.

Oh well.

People are dying, in pain, suffering great losses, worrying about suffering great losses and in such straights that my melancholy is just bullshit.

Get over it.

Oh well.

I guess we all have our own reality.

Just wish something would come along one day and change mine.

For the better that is……