blue streak yet again
The stye is gone.
I managed to scare anyone who bothered to come to work yesterday, looking like I just rolled out of bed despite a dusting of mineral powder across this crusty face of mine. No eye makeup with this thing under my lid next to my tear duct. I went through the motions all day as no one showed up to work so it was very very quiet.
Shopaholic came in for a minute and took me to go get coffee. She complained of having to have ‘a talk’ with her boyfriend because he’s again whining about not getting enough attention as well as sex. She said she wanted to stab him because he’s so damn irritating. But I guess it’s better to have someone than no one - in her mind.
So today I have the day off to celebrate being a veteran and to honor those that are still serving as well as those who have left us. I didn’t like being in the Army but it did manage to help me pay for some of my undergraduate studies as well as continuing to give me about a hundred bucks a month for my knee injury incurred while I was in service.
I got on the scale this morning and it read an even 200. Somehow, I don’t know why - but it was shocking and a cause for my heart to beat a little faster. Why is that so when I was 198 last week? It’s only 2 pounds shy of this number…. it means the same damn thing. It’s the reason why I’ve been wearing skirts and the same pair of pants because none of the other things fit.
I feel frustrated, lost and more importantly a bit defeated.
I wandered through the aisles of the store today looking for a product that was recommended by Islandgirl but came up empty handed. I then proceeded to go buy food (not good either) and headed home. As I walked up and down the aisles, I noticed people around me but didn’t feel a part of anything. I saw kids with their parents, couples, older folk, teens - yet I felt very much alone. I glimpsed my reflection in the store window and thought - honestly I’m not THAT fat - why do I feel like shit? I walked into the clothing store and despite poking around for a minute - I wanted out.
Guess I’m bordering on melancholy again….nothing super serious. Just the blues. Watching John & Kate + Eight on that TV had me bawling in a minute. Now I feel exhausted, bloated and basically an empty shell.
If it weren’t for work, I don’t think I would leave my apartment. I just want to stay in, keep the blinds drawn and VEG out.
Yep, think I’m depressed.
Oh well.
People are dying, in pain, suffering great losses, worrying about suffering great losses and in such straights that my melancholy is just bullshit.
Get over it.
Oh well.
I guess we all have our own reality.
Just wish something would come along one day and change mine.
For the better that is……
Posted by anngirl on November 11th, 2008 under General| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
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November 13th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Glad the sty is gone. I could not find rapidcuts at GNC either, so I went on line and found it and I am going to order it there.
rapidcuts.com
I am glad you are going to hold out for a house vs a condo. I think you will be happier about it even if it takes longer to find.
I am sorry you are so depressed..
November 17th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Missed this……..sorry you were so down. Thank you for your service.