! trANNsformation BaBy !

BBC today:

The latest study looked at the relationship between eating speed, feelings of “fullness” and being overweight.

Just under half of the 3,000 volunteers told researchers they tended to eat quickly.
Compared with those who did not eat quickly, fast-eating men were 84% more likely to be overweight, and women were just over twice as likely.

Those, who, in addition to wolfing down their meals, tended to eat until they felt full, were more than three times more likely to be overweight.

Stomach signals

Professor Ian McDonald, from the University of Nottingham, said that there were a number of reasons why eating fast could be bad for your weight.

He said it could interfere with a signalling system which tells your brain to stop eating because your stomach is swelling up.

He said: “If you eat quickly you basically fill your stomach before your gastric feedback has a chance to start developing - you can overfill the thing.”
He said that rushing meals was a behaviour that might have been learned in infancy, and could be reversed, although this might not be easy.

“The old wives’ tale about chewing everything 20 times might be true - if you did take a bit more time eating, it could have an impact.”

So today I went to a school meeting and then, well ahem…

and then I decided to go with Shopaholic to get a pedicure (it’s been about 4 months now).

After that, it was 5:00pm and I had the AUDACITY to go home!

Cannot believe I did this but what the hell!!!

I don’t remember what it’s like to go home at 5pm - it was great. It’s 7:41 and I actually have some time left before I have to go to bed.

Amazing.

I’ve decided I don’t want to spend the money to go anywhere for my birthday this year, but I ain’t sayin’ shit to anyone so they’ll leave me alone! Let them think I’m going away somewhere and I’ll take 2 days of complete silence No phonecalls. No emails. Just me, myself and I! That’ll be my gift to myself and a 35.00 massage

So last night I had the weirdest dream.

In a nutshell, I discovered that my best friend was developing a social relationship with someone I truly despise. I confronted her about it and she basically told me that she wanted to pursue a friendship with this loathesome individual. I told her that it would mean the end of our friendship and she didn’t put up a fight. Then in my dream, I was upset and telling myself I could either kill myself or I could move to another state and never be heard from again.

I woke up upset and thinkin - why the fuck would you kill yourself over some dumb ass bitch? You would move to another state.

Ms. Crisis called and told me that Mr. Crisis’ dream job has finally posted at the Community College and there was 2 positions, not just one so they are excited again about the prospect of him getting a this coveted position. I hope dude really honed up his interviewing skills - remember he had problems being able to articulate his own accomplishments and that killed him last time. I wished him well and let her know that I was excited about this finally coming up again for his application process. Then she asked and I told her about the mini nightmare.

Her perspective was way different, she felt that it was a really good dream that recognized my ability to discern a disingenous situation (my father’s sudden display of love and communication - how it’s driven by his self serving bullshit) and realizing I had choices. She is pretty versed in dream interpretation (she has so many degrees) and it was a really fresh perspective on the matter.

Yeah, I definitely realized while we were talking what that phone call meant - in the past I would have been all excited about the prospect of rebuilding our relationship and now I see it for what it really is, a method of obtaining what he needs right now which is assistance. It was so obvious, it was pathetic really. If it weren’t for the trouble at work and his need to escape - he would still be ignoring my packages and attempts at communication. What a fucking asshole.

Well at least I didn’t have a goddamn PTSD abuse dream at the sound of his voice. That’s what I was worried about. Funny how Shopaholic took the role in my dream and another co-worker I despise was in there too. Odd. She said it was because it was too much to put my father in that role, so my mind presented it in a more palatable way.

Useful. I felt her interpretation was useful as all I could think about is whether Shopaholic was going to betray me in some way. I’m telling you, Ms. Crisis is a very talented person. I don’t see much of the talent during our long phone calls of her misery but every now and then, she shines. I know she’s incredible with hospice patients and their families. She’s a great therapist herself (she practiced for a number of years). So this was a good thing today.

I spoke to my brother about it and he agreed with me. He does want to live with my parents but at the same time, I let him know that he would have to go back to work no matter what the situation was and that he should get a job right away because his money is running out. I didn’t dare utter a word about how I advocated for him last night because I don’t want him to slack off again and not look because he knows my father would help him out with his credit card debt. That fucking parasite. Sometimes, unfortunately, if given the chance, my brother can also be self serving and stupid.

Shit, guess that goes for me too. So yeah, I know, that glass house is comin’ down on me as well.

So I finished the goddamn traffic course online and it ends up costing 65.00 not 19.95 as advertised. Such bullshit that bait and switch - you don’t figure it out until after you’ve done everything. Because I am a last minute girl, I had to pay 35.00 for shipping of the certificate so I can drive it over to the goddamn courthouse about an hour away from here. So that has to be done on Thursday (which is my last day to do it) - so here we go by the hair on my chinny chin chin.

But it’s off my plate for the moment and that feels good. I did some bills and that was good. I am having major problems in cleaning up my place, so that’s not cool.

I just want to lay around and watch movies.

I haven’t opened the blinds today and am still in my bunny pj pants and oversized t-shirt, furry socks at the moment. I don’t anticipate going anywhere - but the least I could do is get this mess cleaned up.

I know.

Oh well.

195.5 was today’s weight.

There isn’t much to say about this. At this point, honestly - everyone knows what to do about it. I can see the weight in my face once again as well as my gullet.

I’ve got to cook up some turkey cutlets and pork loin today so I can take to work with me this week. Turkey sandwiches for lunch I suppose.

Now I can’t figure out why I bought it because quite frankly the thought of cooking it… yeah I’m one lazy FAT bitch.

Geez.

But the workweek should move along smoothly and I am off on my birthday week - so that’s good news. I’m feeling a bit greedy about spending any money on my birthday this year, rather wanting to stay at home with a good book and tea. That’ll save me a coupla hundred bucks.

After all, what’s there to celebrate?

Yeah, yeah - I know. Health, good job, sanity (well not always), family, friends…

Gonna fuck with that vision board today I think…. clooney definitely needs to go….

I’m gonna watch Ratatouille today That sounds fun to me.

Shoo - did anybody watch ‘The Savages’ - it was very good. I watched that on Friday and cried my ass off.

But hey I’m in that kind of mood lately so maybe it wasn’t entirely the movies fault….

Chin up new week ahead full of new adventures and then followed by a GODDAMN WEEK OFF!

So I was minding my own business tonight and making my weekly Mom call when she says, ‘Do you want to speak to your Father?’ She asks me this every week.
‘Nah, Ma - I know he doesn’t want to speak to me,’ I replied.
‘No, he does (yelling in the background ‘Bobby get the phone, it’s your daughter - she wants to talk to you.’) - hold on he’s coming.’

Before I could catch my breath - ‘So how is it going over there on your side of the world?’ he says. Like we’ve been talking these past 4 years. Like we haven’t spent most of my adult life being estranged because I’ve committed some atrocity that he cannot seem to forgive me for when in reality it is he who committed the atrocity that I have always forgiven but never forgotten.

About a half an hour later, we had discussed my brother, his plans to move back to the US (as suspected it has to do with work) and my offer to help him find a rental in his new location. He wants me to look into Medicare for Mom and he wants my brother to come live with them.

‘Love you Dad - it was good to talk to you today,’ I said.

‘Good to talk to you too - shoot me an e-mail right after you get off the phone so we can communicate. Love you kiddo.’

Weird.

So one can be somewhat relieved that one is communicating with Dad again after his 4 year silence. But one also recognizes that Dad is self serving and needs your help that’s why he’s willing to talk to you. His move is far from a compassionate effort to help his ailing wife, rather the result of a change in command at work which is not to his liking.

But one must play a part in this facade in order to ensure that decisions are being made with Mom’s best interests in mind.

I politely refused his offer to pay off my credit card debt - right now my brother needs the help. But it’s typical of him to do this - you’ll pay it back one way or another. It’s never free.

He asked about my finances and I told him about it. Money is not an intimate issue with me - I have no tie to it in that way. Don’t know if that is a good or bad thing. But I did tell him that I am able to manage on my own and I am fortunate to be employed.

Hmmmmm.

yeah,
I know
I should have
taken the money.