you never know what the day may bring….
So I was minding my own business tonight and making my weekly Mom call when she says, ‘Do you want to speak to your Father?’ She asks me this every week.
‘Nah, Ma - I know he doesn’t want to speak to me,’ I replied.
‘No, he does (yelling in the background ‘Bobby get the phone, it’s your daughter - she wants to talk to you.’) - hold on he’s coming.’
Before I could catch my breath - ‘So how is it going over there on your side of the world?’ he says. Like we’ve been talking these past 4 years. Like we haven’t spent most of my adult life being estranged because I’ve committed some atrocity that he cannot seem to forgive me for when in reality it is he who committed the atrocity that I have always forgiven but never forgotten.
About a half an hour later, we had discussed my brother, his plans to move back to the US (as suspected it has to do with work) and my offer to help him find a rental in his new location. He wants me to look into Medicare for Mom and he wants my brother to come live with them.
‘Love you Dad - it was good to talk to you today,’ I said.
‘Good to talk to you too - shoot me an e-mail right after you get off the phone so we can communicate. Love you kiddo.’
Weird.
So one can be somewhat relieved that one is communicating with Dad again after his 4 year silence. But one also recognizes that Dad is self serving and needs your help that’s why he’s willing to talk to you. His move is far from a compassionate effort to help his ailing wife, rather the result of a change in command at work which is not to his liking.
But one must play a part in this facade in order to ensure that decisions are being made with Mom’s best interests in mind.
I politely refused his offer to pay off my credit card debt - right now my brother needs the help. But it’s typical of him to do this - you’ll pay it back one way or another. It’s never free.
He asked about my finances and I told him about it. Money is not an intimate issue with me - I have no tie to it in that way. Don’t know if that is a good or bad thing. But I did tell him that I am able to manage on my own and I am fortunate to be employed.
Hmmmmm.
yeah,
I know
I should have
taken the money.
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October 19th, 2008 at 8:47 am
No, you did right to not take the money. I know what you mean about the payback. Best to be sweet and kind and not put yourself under his thumb. There’s no wiggle room under a thumb.