stormy weather….
So there’s a storm heading in and fortunately I don’t have to be anywhere so my living room is a great refuge from the impending deluge.
Man, what can I say about yesterday? Parts were good (sex) other parts not so (feelings). Well I drove him to take a test for probation counselor today in another city an hour away. *What I won’t do for some ASS * He was supposed to set the alarm for 545 - I was awakened at 6:00am. A mad rush ensued in which I was the only frantic party. Who was taking this test again? He could really use this job - he needs to get on the county tit. He’s at a non profit and doesn’t make shit. Of course, he was ill prepared for the event. He didn’t even have the proper paperwork so it was a mad rush to find a Kinko’s nearby. But it went off without a problem - even bought him coffee & a muffin before dropping him off 10 minutes early. I felt like I was dealing with my ex husband or a teenage child and that wasn’t cool. So that’ll easily get rid of any possibility of true romance…. I’m not interested in being someone’s Mother. I’ve been there and done that for a grown ass man!
So I was able to visit with the Cats couple and went to breakfast with them. It was nice to spend time with them. Poor Lady Cats is going to get canned from that horrible job. She is not good with paperwork and the new deadlines will seal her doom. At first I listened as I always do and then made the mistake of trying to come up with solutions. Finally, she broke down and said that she had thought of all the things that I did but she felt hopeless. I backed off and told her that either way I think she and hubby will prevail. It’s sad to see your friend in a dire state and not be able to intervene except to sympathize. There is a lot she could be doing but due to her age 52 and her health - she’s not motivated. She said that she would ‘hang in there’ and hope to ‘weather the storm.’ I can appreciate that - but I am also a realist. I can’t be on the STREET. I have to prepare if I’m going to get fucked over. I have to start hustling a new gig, moving, etc…. That’s just me. It was so sweet, Sir Cats was doing a crossword puzzle at the Starbucks (after a hearty breakfast) and they shared that they do a crossword puzzle together every morning because they get up so early (6:00am). They feel that if they complete the puzzle in its entirety it’s an omen for a super good day and if not - it’ll still be good - just not as good. it was so incredibly sweet - they’ve been doin it for years and years. It really warmed my heart. In the adversity - they’ll still weather the storm together. I just wish something good would happen for them. They are such good people. We ended on a really soft note with me telling her that my reaction was due to feeling so helpless…
I’m washing sheets right now. That ass sweats himself at night. NOT COOL. I’m not a fan of any bodily fluids on my bed. So I came back and started washing everything. Need my bed back. That adolescent also bled on my pillows (probably a boy zit on the back of his neck) and that made me grimace. You know it’s a bitch to get nice linens at a decent price and now there’s a goddamn stain on it. I guess I’ll just replace it with another - but it sucks. I washed all the blankets too. Now how bad is this - I didn’t bust out my nice blankets (comforters) - instead I made do with a bunch of throws. I figured it’d be easier to clean and he wouldn’t sweat too much. I actually thought about buying a light blanket (microfiber) for the bed just for these occasions. I will probably do just that…. terrible. A fuck blanket.
I also called to get an STD test - but I’m gonna call back on Monday because it’s not till March 13! Too far away.
I gotta tell you - the sex was great because I didn’t feel so goddamn self conscious. As a large woman, I always think that men are looking at those porno bodies and making comparisons with mine. I know I could never meet up to those expectations. But this man makes me feel sexy and so desirable. I mean with my last boyfriend it was so hard because I was never thin enough for him and it just made everything so much worse. Now, I am freer to think about pleasure (my own) and not be worrying whether my gut is brushing against the sheets while I’m on my knees. Man, what a difference. Ideally, my new partner will have such an attraction to me and I can be just as free. Who knows - maybe I’ll actually have an orgasm?! I’ve never had one with a partner before….
Crazy called, he’s feeling better but not for today. He asked about tomorrow and I told him I didn’t have anything going on. I’m fine with it. We joked about being imaginary friends forever and how right now everything is perfect… Whatever. It’ll be no loss if this doesn’t work out.
I’m so happy to be home safe and warm. Food has not been great - I have to say. I don’t know where I’m at with this right now. I don’t feel like extreme dieting. I don’t feel like bingeing - so I’m in limbo with it right now. I think I’ll just try to eat decent and exercise until I can get it together.
I feel almost like period symptoms again today. Weird.
Well, time to go get the mattress cover. It also think it’s high time I ate something. I haven’t eaten since 8:30 and now it’s 3:30. I don’t feel raging hungry or anything. Just weird.
My mood is subdued (much like the lighting in my box) and I’m tired as hell.
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February 23rd, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Hah! Every woman should have a blanket like that! (I actually typed what you said and they rejected my comment).
Too tired to start over.
Glad you’re having some fun, kiddo - you deserve it.
Hugs,
Z