! trANNsformation BaBy !

Yes. I lost the equivalent of a can of stewed tomatoes this week! I have to say that I know why it’s not more:

1) I lost track of all points a few times.
2) I am eating way too many points at times.
3) I am EASING into this and need to be a little more strict.
4) I am not recording all of my food.
5) NO exercise.

But I have to say one pound down is better than one pound up!

The hospital was crazy today - busy as hell. Harriet and I finished up around 5pm and headed to a sushi joint. We had a lovely dinner (despite seeing Stinker! Greeted politely - Harriet was shocked that we just talked about how she was getting married and she walks into the restaurant with her husband - but trust me no shit was spoken. Harriet was the one who brought up the fact that she was such a slutty mess that night :).

We headed over to her house and over popcorn and chamomile tea, I learned that she was packing up to move out of her house that she acquired last year. She said that 3000.00 a month mortgage payments just couldn’t be done. She put her house up for sale and is moving back to an apartment. She was not depressed, but rather insightful about how she got the house after her mother died in order to please the memory of her mother. She said that she couldn’t live her life for anyone else anymore and because she was working too many hours - it was killing her. She talked about how difficult it was to meet men because she doesn’t look like ‘Beyonce’ rather ‘Aunt Jemima’. She introduced me to a stray kitten that she befriended (Midnite) and said that coming home to an empty house was easier because of the kitten. She says that she spends most of her time at night playing with the kitten on her porch. I told her she should take the kitten with her to her new apartment. She adores that kitten. She also said that she’s probably going to adopt a child because she’s 45 and she’s not sure if she would be able to have a child. ‘When the time is right, I’ll meet someone who may not be perfect but what I need at that time.’ As we laughed about life and reminisced about her Mother, I couldn’t help thinking what a fantastic human being she is - her childlike voice, her giggle, the love she has for her Mother (single Mother, no siblings), her growin’ up with her grandparents in Georgia, her pride in her sorority, her having phone sex with a man she met online but never met in person - for the past 3 years, her desire for a family, her struggle getting her license and her collection of elephants. She’s a joy and I hope that someday she will get everything she desires.

The rain poured down mercilessly on my drive home. I’m beat!

All in all it was yet another good day…

Last night after the art class in the pouring rain, I decided to go to the market to buy groceries in order to avoid leaving the house today. Pacing up and down the produce aisle, I wished that someone would cook for me every night. I don’t understand the aversion to cooking - I can do it in a pinch. Shit, I cooked for my ex husband for nearly 10 years! But somehow, I just don’t care to do it anymore. The low carb tortilla with diced pre-cooked packaged chicken quesadillas are getting old. I found a package of chicken breasts that were 50% off because yesterday was the last day. After much deliberation, the 8.00 price won me over. I bought a bag of cleaned collard greens and a few onions. Yep, I was gonna make soup (or my version of it). I got home and then the search for the goddamn crock pot was on. No crock pot. Lid is present but no bottom! Oh well. I did however manage to clean out one of my under the sink cupboards which I haven’t looked in for at least a year! I threw some expired chicken broth (2 weeks), spoonful of crushed garlic (from a jar of course) and all the ingredients in the ole pot. 2 hours later - yum. I was surprised - it was actually pretty good. Then I left it on the stove to cool and threw it in the fridge this morning when I woke up. Now. I had a bowlful of it today for lunch and if you don’t see me for a few days - you’ll know why!

Russian roulette with my gastrointestinal tract. But I’m sure I’ll be fine - I’m a pretty hearty shit. I grew up eating shit that was left out for days. One of our staples (kimchi) is buried for at least 4 months before it’s fermented enough for consumption!

But hey, it’s already 2:38pm and I’m fine! I’ve been digging around in the closet and reorganizing a little. I bought these japanese (2.45 a piece) bags that you can use your vacuum cleaner to make everything fit in a compact space. You’ve seen those on TV right? Anyhoo, it worked alright. I got a comforter and my sleeping bag/down jacket put away. So now I have some space to throw that laundry basket back into the closet. I know I could make more room by getting rid of a huge rubbermaid bin full of clothing. But Scarlett, some other time is a better day! Let’s not get crazy now! So I’m drinking tea and gonna pick up around here so when the ambulance comes to get me they won’t say I’m living in a sty! What a motivator no? That’s what happens when you live in a 500 sq ft space. I intend to vacuum today as well! Wow - I am being productive!

Food yesterday was alright but I didn’t really track points - today I’m back on it and doing alright. I figure one bowl of my soup is probably around 4 points. It’s basically shredded chicken & collard greens. I know it’s pretty conservative, but there’s no added fat or anything so I figure it’s alright. I’ve been adding that fake metamucil stuff to things to bring down the point value - sometimes it works I’m also trying to hydrate today as well. I’m horrible about drinking enough fluids because I hate havin’ to go to the bathroom every five seconds!

Exercise is not going well. I have still not exercised since last week. It’s still rainin’ but I should be doin’ something. Doesn’t lifting the tea cup to your lips count?!

Tomorrow I’m going to the hospital to work and then dinner with lovely Harriet. She said she has some news for me and I’m pretty intrigued. She bought a house a year back after her mother passed away. She took care of her Mom for most of her adult life and goodness knows she deserves happiness. She’s 43 years old and a very large woman (5′11). Its so sad that men can’t see her for the extraordinary human being that she is - it’s ridiculous. It just sucks that it’s gonna be raining tomorrow and I have to work!

I like the rain when I don’t have to be out in it! Now Maury is on the idiot box - how is it that these women are able to cheat with like 25 partners? I can’t even seem to get one! I think People’s Court is on next - Judge Milian will yell at people while I pick up this joint.

No work today! Ahhhhh! My little portable heater is warmin’ my space, hot tea in copious amounts to warm my belly, chicken soup in the fridge, oranges on the counter, Hillary & Barack doin’ well, bills not overdue, car runnin’ smoothly, Dexter in the DVD player, plenty of batteries in the cupboards and friends like y’all to warm my heart.

Damn, in my little mediocre world - life is good.

I neglected to mention that yesterday one of my former co-workers Stinker (now that’s a really ‘nice’ name for her) happened to say that she got married as of last November. Now, she’s the chick that I went out with to a ’singles mixer’ along with WildChild and Harriet (social worker at the hospital) early last year. So at that time, she wanted to come along because she wanted to support my effort to get out there and meet someone. She had a boyfriend (5 months) and talked about getting married to him. When we got to the lounge, she took the last ‘ice breaker’ thingie and laughed it off as she ran around the room trying to fit her ‘lock’ into that elusive ‘key’. Mind you, I walked in last and there were no ice breakers left for me! Then when the only decent guy in the room came up to speak to all of us, she started in flirting really really hard. Dude walked away saying that he would be back to hang with us again. Now she went to the bar to get a drink and Harriet asked me if I was interested in the guy so she could have him sit next to me on the u-shaped sofa. Stinker came back with her drink and heard our conversation. She said, ‘Annie - you like him?’ I told her I’d try to talk to him when he got back. Wildchild asked me to go to the restroom and once out of earshot she asked me how serious she was with her boyfriend because WTF was up with her flirting? Next thing you know, we get back and Harriet looked pissed! She whispered to me, ‘I told her what I was going to do and as soon as he came back she invited him to sit next to her!’ There was Stinker flipping her long hair, leaning into him with her hand on his leg repeating, ‘I’m FEISTY! I am SO FEISTY!’ while giggling wildly. At that point I wondered if she would unzip his pants with her teeth then I wanted to BREAK HER NECK! I really wanted to ask her in front of him ‘SO WHAT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND?! WHAT WOULD THAT POOR SAP THINK OF YOU BEING SO FEISTY?!’ Wildchild saw my face and said, ‘Girl, it’s so not worth it - just let it be, let’s go!’ So we all came together in my car and after making us wait for 10 minutes, her pug face came scampering out tottering on her high heels with his number in her hand. I was aghast! So I called her ass out and asked her why she was acting so crazy when she had a boyfriend AND knew I was interested in that punk?! She said that she was just meeting a new friend and somewhere down the line said, ‘You just don’t know how to get a man!’ I wanted to KICK HER cheap ass high heeled ASS to HELL while I told her that she was acting like a SKANK at the lounge! After a few minutes in the car, tempers cooled down and she apologized to me. We ended up at jazz club afterwards where I decided to just let it go and was friendly to her for the rest of the evening.

To be quite frank - I have never let it go. After that night, despite her apologies and her explaining that her insensitivity was due to her lack of female friends - I never wanted to be her friend again. Polite conversation, but no more hanging out. She was hurt by it I know, but then again so was I and I didn’t want someone like her around me. She didn’t act like any friend I have ever had before - she said she didn’t know how to act around girls because she just never had any female friends. She prefers males. RIDICULOUS.

I think there’s something horribly wrong with a woman who can’t stand the company of other women. If it weren’t for all my girlfriends (which include all of you!), I don’t know where I would be today - we are each other’s keepers.

Anyway, you’re probably wondering why I went into this torrid tale but today my tarot card was two of swords - suspending judgment, making peace, a choice made, a good time to resolve any outstanding differences. An end to pain (physically and emotionally), end to quarrels.

Yeah. Time to let go.

It’s one thing to be snubbed by an asshole guy - it’s another to have your girlfriend put you under the bus. I haven’t seen her in ages and yet it felt like yesterday when I saw her again. I congratulated her on her marriage and she even feigned interest in helping me locate some paperwork for my license. Who knows if it’ll ever materialize - but I hope that by sharing this with y’all I can let that stone in my heart drop.

I drove a total of 4 hours today to see a client and didn’t use the heat because I was afraid I’d run out of gas on a natural gas car. I froze my ass off on that long ass cold rainy drive and thought about how it was punishment for talkin’ shit about her after she left yesterday. (a tiny group of me, wildchild & baby mama) Tonight in art class, I just couldn’t do that gesture drawing shit and felt like a loser. Again, I attribute this to me talkin’ shit….

Hell, I suck for talkin’ shit and still having hurt/angry feelings over something so trivial in the grand scheme of things.

Time for sage and deep breathing.

The art class is going well - TIRING- but it’s a really great way to make myself draw and get better at drawing. The only thing is that when I get home finally - I am beat. Yesterday food went fairly well. Not crazy about the counting shit thing but hey - it does work if you stick to it…

Which brings us to today. Can you say party at my old boss’s (shit is this correct? or should it be boss’ ? No - that looks fucked up - stick with original) and someone ate like she was going on medifast tomorrow? Yep. I think the slice of cheesecake as well as slice of mango cake (that I bought from the Asian bakery) was probably the determining factors in the downfall. Oh well. There’s always tomorrow!

I drove to Napa earlier in the day to see a client. As I passed the vineyards, my mind began to meander to wonder when I would be sitting shotgun on my way to a romantic weekend, wind blowing in my hair, Peabo Bryson singing ‘Can You Stop the Rain’ on the stereo….heart full of love & lust… Yep. WANDER MIND - WANDER…..

Only you can stop these tears from falling… baby can you stop? Can you stop the rain….. (feel free to hum along)

Then I managed to get my stupid wandering ass LOST and was so aggravated that I drove around in circles for 30 minutes before finding the house that I nearly SPIT! End of WANDERING MIND!!!

On the way back passing those vineyards, this bitter spinster envisioned herself on road leading to SPINSTERDOM! (yeah fuck it - I made that up - you can take those RED DOTS out from under it!)

The party at my (ex) boss’s home was lovely - that lovely little shriveled, alcoholic chimney was in good spirits and I hugged the heck outta her. She made a lovely chicken/shrimp rice dish - Wildchild made sushi (she drank 3/4 a bottle of red by the time I showed up - 20 minutes into it and the idiot co-worker I can’t stand was SICK! YES! Her house is lovely, it overlooks a valley and she’s picked up various objects d’art which I really enjoyed admiring. Her fireplace was lit and after all the riff raff left, we retired to the couches around the fireplace - warmed by the warm fire sipping white wine (Wildchild, Boss, hubby) and green tea (me) speculating on changes at the Agency and life in general. It was so cozy and nice.

So now I’m home. I bought some oranges and cherries today. I like to keep fruit on hand in case I get hungry in the car, at work and at home. I’m not worried about the indiscretions today because I know it was situational - tomorrow it’ll be back to reality.

Pondering when I’ll get laid again - let’s see - should we count the number of times I’ve gotten laid in the past 4 years? Twice. You know you can’t count that time last July? WTF? We don’t need to bring that fiasco up again…

Hmmmm, that reminds me -

where is that spare box of batteries?