! trANNsformation BaBy !

A Christmas Story is playin - always love that one. Ralfie! Love it when he says, “SHHIIII” when he’s helpin’ his Dad change the tire then he gets soap in his mouth. I adore that one. One time, I did that and man - I had to chew soap.

It was a really good day. The Cat couple came over and brought a beautiful honey baked ham. I bought a zillion dollars worth of side dishes: green beans, brussel sprouts, squash, mash taters, rolls, one apple - one sweet potato, one tiny chocolate pecan pie at Whole Paycheck:) yesterday morning so I was all ready for their arrival at 11:45 today.

They brought me the most awesome present imaginable. I was so moved that I cried. Julie brought me her beloved Tibetan tiger prayer rug that was hanging on her wall that I’ve admired for the past 4 years. It was incredible. She told me that she couldn’t think of anyone that it would be more fitting to give to - she said I embodied the strength & beauty of the Tiger. I am so honored that she would choose me to give such a valuable and sentimental gift to … it’s just amazing. We then proceeded to eat the food and watch Into The Silence - a silent documentary about monastic life in France. I had to do the dishes halfway through but they really enjoyed it. I packed up everything for them to take home except for some ham, a little of the side dishes and one piece of sweet potato pie. It was a wonderful afternoon. I felt loved…

Suddenly I’m not so preoccupied with you know what and more appreciative of what I have around me.

I woke up at 3:00 in the morning thinking about THAT situation and was driven to tears - an incredible longing in my heart. A yearning for something I have no control over and that’s probably what caused such distress. I got myself out of bed and decided to be productive to counteract this nonsense. I made reservations to go see Long Beach for the weekend of 1/11/08. We’re going to Desert Hot Springs for one of our getaways. I found a great price for airfare 119 and the times are reasonable. She’s gonna look into the cost of two hotels I picked out. It should be very relaxing and fun. I miss her - she is a very positive girl - a pitcher of sunshine. It’ll be interesting to see how she’s doing after such an arduous year. They’re getting ready to buy a house and they’re trying again for a baby. After I finished with this, I cried some more (only a temporary distraction) and eventually fell asleep.

It was crisp and cold today but the sun was shining.

I’m grateful for the love and support from all of you.

I am grateful for the love I receive from my friends and family.

I am loved.

I am oh so grateful for honey baked ham, yummy foods and the endless supply of tomorrows

Merry Christmas everyone

not even a mouse - because I probably ate it too!

I had a yummy Thai dinner in front of my tv set watching the end of Trading Places. I’m so happy to be home. It was a long day - ran until 5:30pm and I didn’t feel like goin’ to anybody’s house to hang out. I’m pooped. So it’s great to spend a quiet evening by myself

Who could ask for better company?

I even got a voicemail from you know who ….

Santa must have been listening…

Sweet.

That was last night’s date in a nutshell. Today I’m feeling slightly melancholy again because I know that it was just for the moment in the moment and nothing more - but hell it was SWEET. It’s great to get kissed by someone you dig, to smile until your face hurts and to be held by a sweetheart (momentarily). No honor was lost, no gropefest - just kissin on the couch. Nice dinner (I got the chicken to be cheap) but the real date was on the couch. I sent him home at 1:30am as he was falling asleep he was so tired from work. He drove past his house on our way home to show me where he and his mom lives. It was kinda nice. He talked about growing up, his time in the service, his house etc. I enjoyed it. He said, ‘I’ll call you.’ as he smiled at me when the elevator doors closed. 

Ah, it was nice while it lasted.How often can you live in the moment. For me never. I always think about the future, think about the past etc. But I have to just let this go because honestly - his track record is so shit - I doubt I’ll hear from him again. He’s got heartbreak written all over him. Too bad I can’t be THE girl for him. Oh well.

Cest la vie.

Wildchild called bright and early for details. I gave her scant because I don’t want her blabbering her big mouth everywhere. I did tell him last night that I’m only in the office until Thursday so he’ll just avoid the place from now on. *I hope. I can’t wait for dinner - I’m hungry.

Food: FF greek yogurt w/teaspoon of jam, banana, bowl of Special K protein cereal and non fat milk (heated), bag of popcorn, a few bites of a biscotti I got at Starbucks a few days ago, a sweet potato I cooked in the microwave.Dinner: spaghetti & steak. I intend to eat half and bring back the other half for consumption tomorrow night (maybe) YUM. It’s at that same 50’s joint - Wildchild is bringing her entire family and one of the nurses is bringing hers…7:30pm reservations.

I feel wistful. I’ve been thinking about him non stop today and feeling like that would be the last time. Stupid. Absolutely ridiculous that I’m crushing on some dude that may never call me again OH well. I’ll get over it - I always do.

So yesterday - the lawyer was not a lawyer rather a claims guy from the law firm. Not cool - he shouldn’t put legal in his job description rather - administrative or claims. He’s a nice guy but clearly not what I’m looking for - but of course I couldn’t say no when he asked for my number. Ugh…Otherwise no other hopefuls on e-ugly.Yawn - it’s 5:01 and I’m tired. I’ve still got 2 1/2 hours till dinner ;( Oh well, I’m gonna watch another movie. LIves of Others. Should be interesting….

9:31pm.

Dinner was good - I ate nearly the whole steak and definitely ate the spaghetti portion! It was good. I got outta there quick.

So much for not getting emotionally involved.

Can things work out for me ? Just this once?

It took a whopping 5 hours and 15 minutes. During this hike - I saw a beautiful grey tiny fox sleeping in the sun, 4 deer and a squirrel jumping from one tree to another. I only encountered 3 ladies riding together on their mountain bikes. It was a very quiet hike except for my panting, laughing (seeing yet another hill after about 6 already!) and at one point - a call for divine intervention. I sang We Are The Champions! when I saw the gate to the parking lot.

So many thoughts during the hike - anticipation, joy, sorrow, sheer exhaustion - memories would flood in and flood out. I thought for sure a gnome or fairy would appear to grant my three personal wishes (after granting me major wishes - to use for the world). I spent quite a bit of time smiling for sheer joy of many things. But I must say right now - I am in PAIN!

I ate a banana and mushy persimmon when I got home and now will be ready to grab some popcorn for dinner. I am so tired - it’s amazing how I came home and plopped in the tub for quite a while.

I’ve decided to not go with the group. I think it would be too arduous to try to hike while holding a conversation. But I would like to do the trail again to see if I can do better….

Blazing Saddles is on right now and I love the way Gene Wilder speaks so softly. I remember him in Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. That movie is one of my all time favorites. It’s so wonderful.

I am feeling excited, yet cautious about tomorrow. Both about my hair and about my date. If it doesn’t work out it’ll be OVER for sure - FOREVER.

Meanwhile I’m meeting a lawyer at 2:00pm tomorrow - we’ll see if he’s interesting….

Guess I’ll pick up a little tomorrow. I’m really nervous about the haircut….:)

Wonder if it’ll go with my wheelchair?