Mild drama - all on my part of course….
Food today - mildly atrocious. Two latte cookies (large by the way). Otherwise, it was ok but not stellar.
So I got a text this morning from Stocky ‘I love you.’ Yikes! Completely freaked me out.
I responded casually. I had a conversation with him tonight and told him that it wasn’t love - rather lust and the two can be easily confused. He said that he is aware of what he’s feeling. I asked him to refrain from the ‘love’ word as it was difficult for me as I would like to reciprocate because he is such a sweet guy - but I was not ‘there’ at this time. He was initially hurt by it and then after more discussion stated that he understood my feelings about the subject. Then I switched the topic and we ended the call.
I’m not feeling that great about that discussion. I’m also wondering if perhaps it’s just me being freaked out because I’ve never had anyone treat me so nicely. I mean where are the smoke screens and guessing how someone feels about me? What? You LOVE me? WTF? Am I trying to sabotage this situation? Hmmmm. I am not used to someone so open with their feelings and knowing what they want - shit - let’s be real - how could someone be in love with me? Especially after such a short period of time where I have not been on my best behavior? I’ve been a shit to Stocks and he’s endured it. My last relationship, there wasn’t enough I could do for that asshole. I bent over backwards and sideways and upside down to try to get his love and it was NEVER enough. The jerk could not even plan holidays with me in advance because he never knew if he was going to stay with me long enough. He had major commitment issues. Maybe this is still fucking with me? Who knows.
Oh well. If he bails - he bails. But I guess I need to examine my feelings about not being able to be treated nicely.
Life - always complicated.
Shit - maybe it’s just me.
Posted by anngirl on November 20th, 2007 under General5 Responses to “Mild drama - all on my part of course….”
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November 20th, 2007 at 2:07 am
I have been through that -”why would anyone love ME?” quite a few times. Please give yourself a chance. You are a very very nice person and do deserve a lot of love and consideration. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their life.
You are quite right of course to give this thing with Stocky a lot of thoughts. But please don’t under-sell yourself.
lots of love,
iniya
November 20th, 2007 at 6:40 am
I agree w iniya that you do deserve love. That said, it’s always awkward when one person feels it & declares it well before the other is there. I think you handled it well telling him you WANT to reciprocate but you’re not there yet.
My best advice is to give it time. One day you’ll know either you do love this guy, or you don’t. Try to enjoy your time together, and try to learn that being treated nicely and having someone love you for who you are is what you deserve. Ultimately, you need to feel the same way about the person for the relationship to work, but sometimes that takes a while to figure out.
Good luck. This is a good problem to have, by the way!!!!
November 20th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Am I the only one who finds it strange that these very special words weren’t spoken in person at an appropriate time and place? Maybe it’s the romantic in me but this seems juvenile to me; or maybe he’s just shy–what do I know? I think you handled it VERY wisely. I’m hoping things work out for you and learning more is the way to go–slow and steady….
November 20th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Indeed, Soclose….very appropriate observation, from my side of the fence. Are we just being overprotective, Annie-girl? I DO admire your practical approach here, but why is it that we seem to only be practical when we’re not too invested to begin with? I’m afraid I want you to be madly in love, passionately attracted, in awe of (his) intellect, and CAREFULLY STAND-OFFISH until you have this paragon among men eating out of your hand. But yes, I’m very glad that you’re holding back with this one (Stocky); he still worries me with his anxiousness and (perhaps a little)premature declarations of love, and, frankly, with the way he backed off long enough to regain your interest. That, in particular, felt manipulative to me. Good for you, though - refusing to jump in until you’re sure. I’m glad you’re taking it slow and easy, m’dear…
November 20th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
I think that you are selling yourself short. the question is…Why wouldn’t someone love you? Stocky seems like a nice guy. I don’t blame you for being careful. That is smart. However i have good vibes about him. The texting I love you is a little weird. i agree with so close that is a in-person type of declaration.. However you handled it beautifully. Just take your time. Things will work out as they should.
Now how are you doing on those 5 pounds? Me not so good. But I am gonna fix that.
Love ya!!!!