! trANNsformation BaBy !

Love that song by Diane Reeves (Better Days)

After a battle with Kaiser today, I finally have a prescription waiting for me. I’m going to go pick it up at 7:45 pm in hopes that I miss the crowd. Otherwise, it’s been a day of trying on clothing for this weekend. I found a pair of jeans for 14.99 (size 14 and a cool dress $20.00 (size 14). I figure that I would wear the dress this weekend for that wine and hors d’oeuvre affair at the swanky inn that I reserved (shit - at 261.00 a night it should be good). I think that’s what the swanky crowd would do, dress up for it. I don’t drink wine but I’m sure I can get him to buy me a greyhound or something. I even managed to hit the gym after my little shopping trip so that was cool…

I still need to find a few tops to wear… clean out my car and hopefully locate my favorite perfume somewhere in my trunk (yep, it’s that bad in there!).

Tomorrow is busy - replace my car mirror, appointment with Kaiser for my CPAP machine and hopefully get that goddamn Brazillian.So food wise, I was extra strict today. After all, I may get lucky this week!

I really enjoyed this today because I just love Mo’Nique : http://www.oxygen.com/monique/It’s that Fat Chance show - go to Fat Girl Tip #8Bring IT!

I still had a crack chips bag left (not the MF ones) and decided to eat a few out of it this morning when I woke up. After standing in the kitchen crunching 4 chips, I immediately flipped on the faucet and soaked the living shit outta the rest of em. Then I angrily crunched my way through an MF soy chip snack bag while thinking about WHY I’m on this fucking restrictive diet. I sat on my bed and battled the food demons (MF soy chips) until I finally drank a large glass of barley tea. For about 10 minutes, I really wanted to say FUCK THIS to MF and unfortunately, myself. It was really tough and to suddenly feel this vehemently about it after being on this diet for about a month and a half was alarming. Then I got hit by the BLUES. I guess my period is really on it’s way. You know suddenly everything is so technicolor instead of those muted pastel tones…

I decided to stop struggling and take a nap. As soon as I woke up, I ate another bag of the MF chips. At that point, I made a decision. I walked over to the sink, cut open the last 4 bags - ate about 2 from each (yeah, I’m a masochistic bitch) and soaked them. I stood there staring at those shiny mylar bags full of floating evil. FUCK.

I can’t help but to feel defeated. I only lost 1 pound this week and I should be happy about it but I’m not. I won’t bore you with a long soliloquy. I know that most of this is my hormones and some of it is a legitimate outpouring of feelings. I’m not gonna let myself down or everything that I’ve worked so hard to do… I am finally starting to feel alright about myself.

Wildchild just called, she and hubby are buying a 650,000 one bedroom condo with a killer view of the city. They already have a house in a nearby city. You know, she set me up with him when she was dating someone else….

Sometimes your period can make you irrational.

Then again, sometimes, you just have to have a bad day so you can look forward to the good ones….

Left the house at 10:30 and started crankin at work - finished at 8:15pm. Wow, I could feel euphoric but hell - I’m tired. So I’m just content to sit on my couch and type this right now! Now I’m ready for my vacation!

I actually can’t believe I powered through all of that crap.So much for abstaining from the chips. I am sad to report that last night I ate way too many chips from a bag (regular sized) and it was obviously more than the daily recommended allowance. So then I woke up this morning and ate the rest of it. Yep, terrible. You would think I’d be runnin for detox today but no - I got home and had a snack pack. Do I feel terrible about it? Actually, amazingly no. I’m actually ok with it and know that I need to watch my eating. So guess what, no more ordering soy chip packs. It’s obviously a bag trigger food.

I can’t wait to have dinner - I’m having broccoli and chicken breast again. I’m SO thrilled - honestly! I had a chili (MF) -yuck, SB bar and those pesky soy chip servings. So I’ve only got one more thing to eat since I’m counting the chips as meals Yep, damage control - somewhat.

I can’t wait till tomorrow. I’m gonna veg out and go to the gym! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not thrilled about that gym thing but damn, I haven’t gone forever! No prescription at Kaiser today Those assholes better have it by Monday! I’m gonna set up the waxing appointment for Tuesday so I can do multiple errands in one day. I’ve gotta buy some lingerie (none of my stuff matches!) and maybe another pair of jeans. I’m also gonna schedule a massage next week - it’s been a while! I’m also gonna book my eco tour to Macchu Picchu. My friend wants me to wait for her to book the airfare. Clean out the car, clean up the apartment… So busy…

TNT commercial - Holly Hunter - that new Saving Grace show - I love her - ever watch that movie ‘Living out Loud’? She has so many great movies. Lara Croft Tomb Raider is on TV - that goddamn Angelina Jolie is just a work of art…Damn was that Daniel Craig - HOT BODY!!! Oh, but I digress, I’m practically giddy with the thought of not working! I can’t wait to go to Cambodia to see Angkor Wat - I’ve always wanted to go there since I was in 8th grade. I’ve found some eco trips that go there - I just have to find a great airfare…..

But the best fuckin thing is NO WORK!

Today I spent just chillin! I was happy to wake up at 6:30 and know that I didn’t have to go to work so I went back to sleep! It was fabulous! I called Kaiser to get a birth control pill prescription for next week and it looks like it might not come till Monday but they want me to call tomorrow to see if someone may call it in for me. I’m tryin to get to my period before it ruins my booty call next week! But I’m feelin kinda weird like it’s on the way

So today I got to sit, watch Top Chef and feel alright with my MF foods (well as alright as you can be). I had chicken breast and broccoli florets for lunch and it was fantastic. I also had a sugar free jello cup Checked out the discussion boards on MF to keep myself motivated and saw some great photos of weight loss. I’m gonna try to be a little productive now and make some MF foods to soak. That way tomorrow I’ve got something to eat at work. I’m fighting off the urge to eat another MF soy chips snack - I ate one for breakfast already. I’ve been eating that as a meal because it freaks me out to have a snack. But I just can’t do it! I’ll have somethin else - (still scared shitless about the damn oatmeal because of last time)….

I’m just so grateful to have today off from the rat race… hopefully I’ll get most of my work done tomorrow so I can totally be off on Sunday Tomorrow is weigh in - that should be interesting….