I admit that I am powerless….
I still had a crack chips bag left (not the MF ones) and decided to eat a few out of it this morning when I woke up. After standing in the kitchen crunching 4 chips, I immediately flipped on the faucet and soaked the living shit outta the rest of em. Then I angrily crunched my way through an MF soy chip snack bag while thinking about WHY I’m on this fucking restrictive diet. I sat on my bed and battled the food demons (MF soy chips) until I finally drank a large glass of barley tea. For about 10 minutes, I really wanted to say FUCK THIS to MF and unfortunately, myself. It was really tough and to suddenly feel this vehemently about it after being on this diet for about a month and a half was alarming. Then I got hit by the BLUES. I guess my period is really on it’s way. You know suddenly everything is so technicolor instead of those muted pastel tones…
I decided to stop struggling and take a nap. As soon as I woke up, I ate another bag of the MF chips. At that point, I made a decision. I walked over to the sink, cut open the last 4 bags - ate about 2 from each (yeah, I’m a masochistic bitch) and soaked them. I stood there staring at those shiny mylar bags full of floating evil. FUCK.
I can’t help but to feel defeated. I only lost 1 pound this week and I should be happy about it but I’m not. I won’t bore you with a long soliloquy. I know that most of this is my hormones and some of it is a legitimate outpouring of feelings. I’m not gonna let myself down or everything that I’ve worked so hard to do… I am finally starting to feel alright about myself.
Wildchild just called, she and hubby are buying a 650,000 one bedroom condo with a killer view of the city. They already have a house in a nearby city. You know, she set me up with him when she was dating someone else….
Sometimes your period can make you irrational.
Then again, sometimes, you just have to have a bad day so you can look forward to the good ones….
3 Responses to “I admit that I am powerless….”
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Jun | Aug » | |||||
| 1 | ||||||
| 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 |
| 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 |
| 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
| 30 | 31 | |||||
Blogroll
Meta:
July 22nd, 2007 at 10:56 pm
I’m sorry you’re having a bad day
I have been there so many times, hormones can do crazy things to us. I don’t need to tell you this, but one pound is great and YOU are great and can accomplish this. I hope tomorrow is better for you!
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:05 am
Fookin hormones! I had a total hysterectomy when I was 27, so been on HRT and doing okay, but if I try to go off of them I have only 2 moods..suicidal and homicidal
So I chose to stay on them
Hang in there my friend, this too will pass. Glad you got rid of the crack chips. My drug of choice is ice cream, so I cannot have it in the house, and even worse if I make home made ice cream………..ack! I had best shut up now
Take care and don’t be so hard on yourself
xo
July 23rd, 2007 at 11:14 pm
I’m gonna tell you, just like you would tell me…
I don’t care about how many F*ckin bags of soy ships you ate, you lost a pound!!!! That is an accomplishment, and should be celebrated! Every pound gone should be celebrated!!! You deciding to soak those trigger chips should be celebrated! You are the shit!!! Never forget that! Now get to that drug store and get those pills so you can get laid this weekend!
Love Ya!
Melody