! trANNsformation BaBy !

Don’t you just love calling in sick? I do. I used to be terrified to do it, but now - finally- I can do it with ease. So today was pretty much a get caught up day (thoughts of my friend wandering in and out of my heart) and I went grocery shopping. Well what goes for grocery shopping anymore: 3 bags salad, 1 bag arugula (think I’ll cook this) 1 bag baby spinach, 1 bag broccoli (microwave in a bag stuff), 1 bag frozen asparagus, 1 bag frozen spinach, 2 bags frozen white fish, 1 bag frozen teriyaki chicken breasts (cooked), 1 frozen pack of alaska wild salmon, 1 container salsa, 2 boxes tea, 10 cans protein shake 21g protein 2 grm carb 110 calories, 2 laughing cow light wedges boxes and 1 container organic cherry tomatoes. Yep, pretty fucking exciting….

I had lunch with WildChild - Korean food. I ate some spicy pork and ate some spicy soup. Looking at the rice ached me a bit, but I was alright after two glasses of water. Then we went to Shiseido and cashed in on the makeup coupons she bought - so I walked out with a concealer, eyeshadow quad, eyeliner and a little gift bag of tiny bowls. So it was cool. Now, the state of the living room is not cool. I need to work on this immediately. My other friend called and she is giving me shit about hiking to Macchu Picchu, Peru for my birthday this year. I know this little skunk does not want to go - I told her she didn’t need to feel like she should go - just stop fucking around and tell me you’re not going already! I’d like to move forward and make my reservations thank you! I’m going alone for my birthday this year because no one else wants to go… my good traveling buddy just invested in a Board and Care so she’s broke and Little Skunk would rather spend 1000.00 on a new purse than go traveling. Wild Child has no interest in cultural things, she’s just interested in where the bar is located. So it’s alright - shit, I can go by myself on an eco-tour - no problem. It’s about time I did something ballsy other than joining the army at 19! But stop dickin around with it….

So it’s back to the grind tomorrow, I need a distraction at this point. My mind keeps wandering to my fantasy world that only exists for me. (Yep, thinking about my friend) GET REAL HONEY!

I’ve got 4 more MF things to eat. hurrah.

So it was a beautiful weekend, my intelligent, cute, quiet, sweet, shy, young (yes he was 27! I sneaked a peek at that Driver’s license while he was in the shower!) INCREDIBLY inexperienced sweetheart beat me at scrabble. He was lightning quick in BOTH of his most gentle awkward endeavors. That boy’s tossing and turning as well as loud snoring kept me awake for 2 days! But man, it was a pleasure to gaze at him at 1:00, 2:00, 4:00, 5:30, 6:45am and give him a little peck on his cheek as he really is a beautiful sweet boy. Last night after I dropped him off and gave him a hug, I couldn’t help but feel sad. No, the weekend is not what I expected but it was sweet and I was loving, patient and gentle despite the wanton whore that railed within…. Why does everything have to be so hard?

I had miniscule amounts of food during the trip - careful to not indulge (he even exclaimed that I hardly ate anything) that might make me feel unattractive. There was an incredible quiche as well as a mango/pineapple cake that was truly wonderful. So I don’t feel bad about my food intake this weekend. I did meet up with WildChild at 5:00 yesterday for a small dish of pho (vietnamese noodles) then met the salesman at 6:00 and nibbled on some sashimi, cooked fish and 4 pieces of eel sushi. No future with the salesman, he doesn’t have a house, is paying lots for his kids, just got a new sales job - but he is a bit of a cutie. I couldn’t try to turn him into a sex buddy because he’s the type of guy that would not be able to ‘hit it and quit it’ - he’s looking for companionship. He was very complimentary which was nice but I’ll have to tell him that it won’t work out because he lives too far away (good excuse).

So today it’s back to the diet (I called in sick and slept in today till about 11:30!) and woke up to do my laundry. We did a hike this weekend which really made me sore, so I’ve got to amp up the goddamn exercise because I need to be able to do that Macchu Picchu trek in October. It wasn’t too hard to get back on the diet. I’m anxious to feel what it’s like to slide into a size 12!

So there it is ladies… back to reality.

shit. I think I’ll call in sick tomorrow too

I feel like crap today, which is a little worse than I felt yesterday. It’s not cool to trip up your period because there’s always a price to pay…. slightly nauseous (maybe that birth control pill) , still backed up (ate a senekot) and having a slight headache - so needless to say I feel bloated as hell to boot. NOT SEXY… I also feel like I need another few days off! All I’ve been doing is preppin for this stupid weekend (yeah, did I mention I’m crankier than shit). But I did manage to get some things done today, like my massage (very nice) and cleaned out the trunk. Now I have a mess in the living room….fabulous.

Food: I ate a nice lunch with Wildchild - Japanese: we shared white tuna sashimi, cooked spinach w/ miso dressing, chicken yakitori stick and thin beef rolled with green onion. It was nice. She ate my green tea ice cream which was nice too So I got home, drank another shake (mental note - premix it then it won’t taste like the inside of a cat box) - it’s amazing what ice & a blender can do - you almost - ALMOST might think that mess coulda been a milkshake (in some terrible post apocalyptic setting). I’m gonna finish off the night with a MF chicken noodle soup. As I opened the fridge, I stared sadly at my orange splenda pop in the fridge. Yep, that new study still deeply imbedded in what’s left of my brain. Oh well - so I grabbed a sugar free jello (i’m sure loaded with carcinogens) and swallowed it down. Don’t let the aftertaste fool you, it’s only 10 calories and I’m sure the next study will feature this most wiggly chemical concoction.

Wildchild took me to see the outside of the new apartment building, as soon as it’s finished she wants me to see the inside (Fuck, thanks but no thanks). If I was my usual feisty self I would have been green with envy… instead I felt happy for her and let her know it. I also pointed out all the other apartments that I’ve been seeing on Craigslist and let her know how much they were renting for - man - I wish I could move into a nice place Oh well… guess we can work on one goal for now and then tackle the rest.

Can’t wait to go to bed….

The phone rang at 8:30am this morning - one good thing came out of it - I went for a long walk around the lake with one of my good buddies. It was good to shoot the shit. She recommended the Brazillian lady (Vietnamese lady with really reasonable prices, virtually painfree as well as lightning fast - all traits you desire when gettin your nether regions ripped). I missed the appointment for my side mirror but did manage to get the waxing appointment today at 2:30 and it went well. I walked out a happier woman and left her a 15.00 tip - it was only 65.00 for the deal which I added my calves (hate shaving) and my underarms. She was a good sport and made me feel completely relaxed. She can talk on the phone, set up appointments and chit chat with you while she’s ripping your shit. It was also quite cool that there was very little discomfort despite the proximity to my period. Yep, she had skills!

The Kaiser CPAP appointment at 1:00pm was cool. I have to wear the finger thingie tonight with the mask to see if they have the right setting for my machine. I didn’t sleep with it last night and I don’t feel too badly today. But I have to do it tonight. Dude was cool enough to give me a 89.00 mask that he received as samples from the company. What a cool dude. I was complaining about my ’side sleeping’ issues and he totally hooked me up. So that was like super cool because I’ve seen that mask on the net…but I’m not paying no 90 bucks for it! So it was totally great! The only shit thing is I have to go back tomorrow by 11:00am with my machine etc and see if it needs to be adjusted. I still haven’t cleaned out the trunk. FUCK. That needs to get done….

So food today was practically non existent until about 4:30 (1 shake for breakfast/bar for lunch) when I came upon this Burmese restaurant that is like a Zagat joint near the wax joint. I got the burmese chicken salad and fiery chicken tofu fry - the chicken salad was off the hook (but then, maybe well seasoned cardboard woulda been the same - after all it was 4:30!) but the other thing was not so great. But the RICE??!!!! It was saffron rice - shit - it took every ounce of self control to have a single teaspoon of it. DAMN! I bet it tastes like heaven with a curry! So that was my big indiscretion today… one teaspoon of saffron rice. Fuck it - I’m SUPERMAN!

I forgot to mention that I saw a show on Discovery? about 3 people who were morbidly obese and what they ate. It was insane watching the food on TV. I felt a crazy longing that really shocked me when I watched platefuls of food being laid out. It was sad, I cried along with a few of the women on the show. I was able to relate to the feelings that these folks had with food. The more you eat, the more depressed you become and the more you eat to placate yourself. Vicious ugly and sad cycle. Then I watched the 1000 pound man in Mexico and his struggles. Then I made myself watch a Frasier rerun to clear my head. (Oddly enough Frasier, Seinfeld, Golden Girls, Antiques Roadshow are comforting to me??)

Well I really feel like I’m on the brink of my period and that shit pill last night actually made me feel a bit nauseous. Tonight I’m gonna have one with a shake.

Here’s an article I read a few days ago that impacted me (well that’s another story - I forgot to buy Senekot today) about pop. Yep, I probably drink a pop a day (splenda) to satisfy sweet cravings and then this:

“It may have zero calories, zero fat and zero carbs but that diet soda you’re sipping can still be bad for you.Drinking more than one soft drink daily, whether regular or diet, may increase risk factors for heart disease, according to the latest research from the Framingham Heart Study. “In studies such as Framingham, we show guilt by association, we cannot state for a fact that soda is always the culprit,” said Dr. Ramachandran Vasan, senior author of the Framingham Heart Study and professor of medicine at Boston University School of Medicine. “What really struck us was that it didn’t matter whether it was diet or regular soda that the participants consumed, the association with increased risk was present.”The link between soft drinks and the risk factors is not new - previous studies examined regular soft drinks - but this latest study shows artificially sweetened diet sodas could also be harmful.The Framingham study included nearly 9,000 person observations made in middle-aged people.Researchers have three theories as to why soda consumption affected participants. A person who consumes a lot of liquid at one meal may go on to eat more at the next meal. The sweetness of soda, both regular and diet, may also cause a person to develop a preference for sweeter, higher calorie food.Finally, the brown color of colas is obtained from caramel, linked to inflammation and insulin resistance in lab animals.

Yep, sobering. I am also aware of the fact that every other day there’s something that’s bad for us. But honestly, drinking pop aint good for me and so now - I’m gonna drink like one or two a week. I’m not even a big pop person, I just started doing it since getting on this diet… to assist me in the sweet cravings (I’ve got a mean sweet tooth). But I’m really enjoying teas (Japanese) that come in these big 2L bottles at the Asian store. No sweeteners at all, drink em cold and they remind me of growin up in Korea where pop was a special occasion thing….

Here’s to another semi productive day tomorrow…

p.s. the mechanic (airline technician) is callin and I totally tried to call him back to tell him I’m getting back with an ex (sparing feelings) but that loser didn’t answer his phone. You don’t want to leave that kind of message on the machine. Not cool. So let’s hope he either gives up or I talk to him in person and tell him. Shit - why can’t someone I DIG call me like that? It’s always the ones you DONT want that WANT you. Ugh.

Oh shit - Fucking IHOP commercial….

DAMN I need to get this cable cut off….