Noah and I worked ALL day today and STILL didn’t get but half of our necessary tasks completed.  We spent a ton of time working on a website for my uncle, where people can go to view pictures, send comments to my aunt and his family, and donate to help with college funds and memorial costs.  I’m half-dreading and half-relieved to be going to Yakima tomorrow; apparently it’s completely in shambles over there.  Everyone is rightly devastated.  Dying at 57. . . it’s just too young.  I felt bad about Noah having to work on the site with me, especially because he just had to go through all this arrangement-making stuff when his mom died.  I’m feeling pretty deeply fatigued and it’s only going to get worse.  Mexico, I hear your siren song and I’m coming to you.

Good day today, though, as far as dieting goes.

Breakfast: apple

Lunch: This was a crazy thing.  I ate a seaweed salad, which comes in a package that I get at the asian market all the time.  It’s one of my favorite foods.  However, this time around, the oil or something must have been rancid because I ate the damn thing and then BAM, I was puking my guts out.  It was crazy.  I was TOTALLY fine afterward, just went on with my day.  So lunch was: 2 servings tomato soup (200 calories), 3 servings oyster crackers (200 calories), 14 low fat tortilla chips (120 calories) with salsa (20 calories) and some carrots with hummus (100 calories)

Dinner: Big salad with grape tomatoes, butter lettuce and raddichio, with a seared tuna steak (which I badly overcooked), green beans with black gomashio, sesame oil and soy sauce and edamame.  400 calories

Desert (doh!): 1\3 of a container of fat free Cool Whip (about 175 calories)

Calorie Total: 1215

Exercise: No

1500 miles in 2010: 311

Song of the Day: Many Rivers to Cross, by Jimmy Cliff

Daily awesome: I’m honestly drawing a blank today, I’m too tired to pull something out of the hat today and I didn’t tool aimlessly around the web today at all (all work and no play makes AJ a dull girl, I’m telling you what!), except my endless arsenal of Johnny Weir awesomeness, which I will air further at a later date.  But I do hope everyone is having an awesome day!

Rough day today; my favorite uncle died unexpectedly this morning.  The whole family is gathering in Yakima and it’s total chaos.  He has two kids a few years younger than me and was a really wonderful, funny, empathetic, weird, and fascinating person.  Everyone is totally devastated.  I’m worried my family is falling into some sort of cursed period of time: this year alone two of my uncles diagnosed with cancer, one Grandma with Alzheimers, the other with pancreatic cancer which will kill her in six months (or possibly sooner, now that she’s suddenly lost a son), also the family business is in ruins, my own parents are on the verge of bankruptcy because of it and now this. . . I’m feeling lonely and upset and really wishing I had a husband or boyfriend right now to do some shoulder-crying with.  Additionally crazy is that we are moving all our office equipment into my house for the month, tomorrow, because Noah is leaving for the full month, to Mexico, and I don’t want to have to drive to Olympia (an hour away) when I need to use the office computer.  This period of hecticness in my life is going to be prolonged, so it seems, for a little longer.  This week, I just want to be sure I get in killer workouts and eat minimally and well.  That’s my only goal, aside from helping my family get through this horrible clusterfuck of a year. RIP, Uncle Mark.

Breakfast: 1 mango, 1 slice rye toast with a poached egg (400 calories)

Lunch : 1 cup quinoa from last night (280 calories)

Dinner: not really, but I ate 2 string cheeses and a mango (they’ve been on sale lately and they’re my favorite) 380 calories

Calorie total: 1060

Exercise: 1 hour stationary bike (15 miles)

1500 miles in 2010: 311

Song of the Day: After It All, by Cat Power

Daily awesome: My streak of Johnny Weir-themed daily awesomes continues: the Vanity Fair Faces of The Olympics outtakes.  I know, it’s a lot of awesomeness to take in and maybe a Weir break might be needed soon, but I swear I am still outraged about his Olympic placing and also, cmon, is there any more lovable, ridiculous, or titillating celebrity out there right now or any human being more stone cold foxy, albeit in a preposterous way.  I think not.

Still continuing our craziness at work.  I just got home last night from Oroville, where we spent a very pleasant weekend, celebrating Noah’s birthday.  It was all very relaxed but there’s been some stress lately, as he and Chance want to move to Berkeley in October and I don’t, really, and the whole fate of the business is up in the air, with our recent sites launch and all the work we’ve been putting in.  We’re ready to see some serious financial returns for all the hard work and time we’ve been putting into the business, but these things are slowgoing.  I’m so sick of being broke.

I’m also SO sick of being fat.  It’s quite literally killing me.  I’ve done 33 miles on the bike and on foot in the past ten days; that’s two times on the stationary bike and intermittent walks on foot.  It’s not enough.  But I’m once again feeling resigned to this healthy eating\crazy exercise\ lifestyle program.  I have to keep on; life shouldn’t be this hard and a major element of distress in my everyday life is my size.  I so, so, so want to eliminate that problem once and for all.  We’re leaving for Mexico in three weeks and I couldn’t be more excited; can’t wait to recharge my batteries and I haven’t even SEEN the ocean in so freaking long.  I’m feeling super lonely for a boyfriend these days and there are no reasonable prospects on the horizon.  Everything feels difficult, like I’m trying to move through molasses.  Ugh.

Breakfast: 1 mango, 1 string cheese (300 calories)

Lunch: 1 piece toast with almond butter (200 calories)

Dinner: 2 cooked cups of quinoa with chopped tomatoes, olives and feta (550 calories)

Calorie total: 1050

Exercise: 3 miles with dogs, 40 minutes stationary bike 11 miles, 30 day shred

1500 miles in 2010: 296

Song of the Day: Mr. Officer, by Citizen Cope

Daily Awesome: More Johnny Weir.  This time, a theme party.