For the past four days.  But our site is launched and out of beta and we’re starting our initial marketing push.  I’m powering through work right now but I feel like I am out of control in my personal life.  I can’t get my eating in check, I’m lonely, I’m self-isolating and I can barely muster the energy to take the dogs for a walk.  I feel like shit, though and also do not look physically wonderful right now; I have a few pimples and my stomach is more bloated than usual.  Ugh.  I think I’m just tired and a little sick (like EVERY other member of my family right now!), so I’m grumpy and feeling bad about myself.

Today I’m home in Seattle and am going to take care of errands and do a few things before returning to Olympia on Monday.

Lots of stress, but only for a few more days.

Also, there’s this:

JOHNNY WEIR WAS ROBBED BY THE OLYMPIC JUDGES!!   Oh, the humanity!!  I love the figure skating, I can’t help it, tacky as it may be, and my borderline psychotic devotion to the adorable Johnny Weir is well-documented.  He should have medaled (well, you know, the bronze, anyway, or even 4th place).  Depressing.

Bonus Olympics daily awesome: Deadspin’s hilarious and right-on series about various news outlets euphemizing J. Weirs obvious gayness. We can all agree, I think, that Johnny Weir doesn’t care for ladyparts, doesn’t want to talk about it, and wishes literally EVERY reporter who’s ever interviewed him would just let it go.  Also, the fur thing, the Russia thing, Poker Face.  He’s amazing.

14 hour work day today, culminating in me being too tired to write.  I’m in Olympia and have another monster day set up for tomorrow to get our sites launch under control.  I can’t even do a food breakdown because i honestly did not write down a single thing I ate today and have no recollection of any of it.  I vaguely recall eating a piece or potato pizza and picking at a caesar salad at lunch with a client, but it’s pretty hazy.  Will resume regular posting as soon as this batshit crazy three-day launch is over, but now must fall into a deep and welcome sleep.

Well, I’ve been radio silent for a week, visiting my parents (and sister, and new nephew).  As usual, I struggled with food stuff while with the family.  I had a couple good days, a couple bad ones and three that were just meh.  I’m now finally home and watching the winter Olympics, beading a necklace and generally trying to relax.  Noah and I have had a slow couple of months of work, but after our recent breakthrough on the site we’re launching, we’ve been inundated with unrelated job requests: when it rains, it pours!  This is very good, although March will be a hectic month for us as Noah will be out of town for the former half of it with his dad on a sea kayaking trip and in the latter half out of town with me, in Mexico.  So we’ll be cramming multiple jobs into the next three weeks and hopefully, stashing a little more cash than we thought we’d have for our upcoming fabulous vacation.

I’m feeling pretty good, generally trying to maintain.  Spending Valentines Day with your parents is pretty lousy, but I’m not particularly invested in the holiday, even when I do have a boyfriend, so it wasn’t too rough.  I need a really hard workout tomorrow morning to get my head on straight and a week of correct eating following that.  I’m going have a totally boring, totally on track day tomorrow with no emotional eating or criticism for my mother or thundering of my biological clock or refusal to remove a soup-stained bathrobe or any other bullshit that I feel like doing but shouldn’t.  Wish me luck.

Breakfast: 4 oz steak, 1 tomato (200 calories)

Lunch: chicken sandwich with one chicken breast (200 calories), 2 slices bread (200 calories), mustard

Dinner: 6 boiled potstickers (230 calories), 2 cups tomato soup (200 calories), 32 oyster crackers (130 calories) 20 blue tortilla chips (150 calories)

2 ounces cheese with 13 crackers (340 calories)

Calorie total: 1750

Exercise: 1 mile with dogs, 40 minutes stationary bike (8.5 miles- slow today, also 24 miles done over this past week- not much stationary bike)

1500 miles in 2010: 249

Song of the Day: Shark in the Water, by V.V. Brown

Daily awesome: Reasons Betty White is awesome (which we all know she is!).

I’m in Olympia, working for a couple of days.  I had a good day with exercise today and a shitty day for food and calories (sometimes it feels like never the twain shall meet, right, ladies?).  Got a lot done, but am feeling pretty low-self-esteemy today, thanks to the gross over eating.  I totally lost track of calories and can’t even bear to estimate.

Breakfast: 1 apple, 2 tomatoes

Lunch: 1 chicken breast, 1 seaweed salad from Uwajimaya

Dinner: Let’s see. . . 1 LARGE quesadilla with jack and smoked cheddar cheese, probably 6 ounces of sauteed chicken breast, green onions, olives, sour cream (2 tablespoons), salsa, guacamole.  Green salad with radishes, baby spinach, lettuce, almonds, bleu cheese, cucumbers, olive oil and vinaiger.  AND after that, I ate about 6 peanut butter cookies from safeway (which are not even good, really).  What the hell, right?  I actually don’t think I’m even accurately describing how big and fatty and cheesy and NOT ON PLAN the quesadilla was. It was bad, you guys, it was so bad.

Exercise: 3 miles with the dogs, 45 minutes stationary bike (12 miles), 30 day shred

1500 miles in 2010: 216.5

Song of the Day: American Boy, by Estelle

Daily awesome: The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

Oh boy, I’m really fighting the urge to eat like a. . . well, I don’t know like what, but something really big and hungry.  A lot.  I want to eat a lot of junk food right now and I am trying to resist the urge.  Fuck that, I am DEFINITELY going to resist the urge.  But still, it’s killing me.  I’m having a nice quiet Friday night and all I want to do is sabotage my good week, it’s plainly crazy.

No, no eating- I’m going to do some writing, catch up on personal emails, work on a couple craft and birthday projects (necklace for nancy, decoupaged table for Noah), and make a (probably failed) attempt to go to bed early.

Noah and I had a major breakthrough today with work- and jeez, we really needed it.  It’s boring and techie so I won’t go into it, but it’s going to make our lives ten times easier than they’ve been for the past four months.  Things have been moving along with our site launch at a snails pace for months (when you’re launching a financial services website, there are multiple compliance departments you have to go through, PCI audits, security checks etc.) and now we can start to move faster and more cohesively on the thing, thank god.

Anyhow, a good day, except I tried to go to the library and discovered that all three libraries within reasonable driving distance of my house are now closed on Fridays due to budget cuts. Everyone cares about stuff like libraries, for godsake, especially in Seattle- what the hell is going on here?  I was truly saddened to see that (also, I really need some new reading material).

Breakfast: 1 cup quinoa (250 calories)

Lunch: 2 servings tomato soup (Trader Joe’s has amazing tomato soup in 4 serving containers- it’s 100 calories per serving, totally filling, not too salty and perfect for the winter) 200 calories, with 32 oyster crackers (130 calories), 2 servings tortilla chips (260 calories) and 1 slice rosemary bread (120) 710 calories all told, yeesh

Dinner: small green salad with greens, carrots, red cabbage, green onions, tomato with fat free balsamic vinaigrette (again, something I found on my Trader Joe’s trip today: they make a really good fat free vinaigrette) 100 calories, sandwich with 2 portions sliced deli chicken (120 calories), 1 laughing cow light swiss cheese (35 calories), mustard and spinach, 2 slices rosemary bread bread (240)- 495 calories

Calorie total: 1455

Exercise: 45 minutes stationary bike (11 miles), 1 mile with the dogs, sit ups and pushups

1500 miles in 2010: 201.5

Song of the Day: Not Big, by Lily Allen

Daily awesome: Favorite Lost Characters Explain How To Make A Sandwich.

Yes, that’s right, I sunburned my breasts in a tanning booth today.  It took like five hours for it to show up, but sure enough, my 8 minute bid in the tanning booth has made my rack look splotchy and pink, there’s even some heat rash bumps.  Pretty.  But, a small price to pay, I think.  I’m going to Mexico in 7 weeks and it is my intention to not waste a single day there and to come home with a fabulous tan that will sustain me through the rest of this cruel winter.  So, I’m going tanning twice a week from here on out, so I’m not all pasty when I get there.  Also, I feel a million times better now; I did a lot of grooming today.  Tanning, manicure, pedicure (I did those myself- I can’t get my nails done professionally because it makes me too uncomfortable, it’s also expensive), shaved legs and armpits, waxed my mustache (such as it is).  I’ve been bummed but I really felt fully recovered today.  Yay, me!  And the date with John the other night was shitty, but that doesn’t mean I won’t have good ones in the future and it always makes me feel better to put effort into looking my best.  I’m back on the wagon with food and all the pampering made me feel good today.  I’m so excited to take a real vacation, I can’t wait to go.  I’m actually glad I have almost two months before we leave, because that just means more time to progress through my weight loss plan and the skinnier I will be in Mexico.  Also, we got a small job today.  It would normally not be that big of a deal, but since we’ve been putting all this time into developing the donation engine and adjoining website, we haven’t gotten paid in a long time, so this extra money will help (especially because we’re taking a vacation neither of us can really afford).  Basically, aside from the crispy ta-ta’s, it was a pretty great day.

Breakfast: 1 cup quinoa with all the stuff I put in it last night (250 calories)

Lunch: Sandwich with 2 tablespoons light mayo (160 calories), wheat bread (220 calories), 2 ounces cheese (200 calories) and 1 portion chicken lunch meat (60 calories)- this was a poor meal choice, but I was dying for a sammy

Dinner: 1.5 cups quinoa plus roasted tomatoes (270 calories) and 4 oz chicken breast (120) and green salad (greens, carrots, green onions, balsamic vinegar, 1\2 tbsp olive oil) (80 calories)

Calorie total: 1360

Exercise: 3 miles with the dogs, 40 minutes stationary bike (11 miles), 30 day shred

1500 miles in 2010: 189.5

Song of the Day: Good Morning, by Kanye West

Daily awesome: check out the site for Wranglers new mens collection, there is a super hot interactive . . . I don’t know what to call it. . . it’s fer sure awesome, though, so take a gander, ladies.

Today was better.  I think this is all I can ask when coming out of my depressio, Strong Sad- esque period of blueness: that every day feel better than the last.  I’m shaking off the last of it, today with some extremely reckless retail therapy (new cowboy boots- amazing!  AND a size 14 H&M dress-I haven’t fit into their 14’s in, like, 5 years! And of course, I normally now wear an 18-20 in pants, so I’m happy) and some work on the book.  I was feeling like my diet had been horribly derailed and I was so off track, but in trying on some clothes today (in stores and from my own ‘too-small’ box), I’m realizing that it’s no joke: I did lose weight in 2009- nearly 50 pounds.  January was rocky, but I’m back on track now and I don’t know why I’ve been so emotional lately, but I’m getting over it and moving forward.  No workout today, but I planned it that way.

I went out with that guy earlier tonight.  He’s not quite as stellar a boyfriend candidate as I had originally thought.  He was hungover on Monday when I met him and he was hungover again today- that really, really does not work for me.  Also, the conversation was awkward, without our dogs as buffers.  I’m not sure if I’ll see him again; I don’t even think he liked ME that much.  We had an early coffee, but then skipped the movie we had tentatively planned to see.  It was all just. . . meh.  I feel like I’m never going to meet someone who really lights my fire.

Also, I made a ton of healthy food to have around for the next week or so: roasted chicken breasts, cut veggies for salads, steamed veggies for snack, quinoa with roasted garlic, carmelized onions, feta and tomatoes, roasted tomatoes (my favorite condiment).  Must keep up the forward momentum.

Breakfast: 1 slice wheat bread with 1.5 ounces english cheddar with carmelized onions (is anyone else a fan of that particular cheese- it’s from Trader Joe’s, is cheap as far as fancy cheeses go and is INCREDIBLE), 1 tomato, 1 banana.  I hate it when tomatoes are out of season- it’s just not as satisfying to eat them when they’re all pale and mealy.  It’s totally out of the question for me to stop eating tomatoes (they’re my favorite, as you can probably tell if you read my food journal), but I get sick of the winter ones, you know? 450 calories

Lunch: no

Dinner: 2 cups veggies stir friend with 1 tbsp olive oil (100 calories), soy sauce, garlic.  Broccoli, red cabbage, snap peas, mushrooms (150 calories).  1 cup cooked quinoa with the aforementioned stuff (400 calories)

total: 1100 calories

Exercise: 1 mile with the dogs

1500 miles in 2010: 175.5

Song of the Day: Les Artistes, by Santogold.  She’s not usually my favorite, but I LOVE that video.

Daily Awesome: Which Bluth will you most likely marry?

Home from Olympia.  Super tired, but feeling rejuvenated by seeing friends, getting work done with Noah and generally taking ‘er easy.  The new phone line is being installed incredibly early in the morning tomorrow, but I’m having insomnia again tonight.  These days I just can barely stand to be with myself; hope I will get fully out of my grumpy fugue soon.

Breakfast: no

Lunch: sushi with Noah; 1\2 portion teriyaki chicken (400 calories) with rice, 6 pieces sushi (250 calories), 3 fried gyoza (shit- 200 calories)

Dinner: Spinach with tempeh, stir fried (500 calories)

Snack: 1 orange, 1 tomato (140 calories)

total: 1490

Exercise: 40 minutes stationary bike (9.5 miles)

1500 miles in 2010: 174.5

Song of the Day: TORTURE, by Wu Tang

Daily awesome: Season premiere of Lost tonight. . . squeeeeee!

Or at least my diet.  The pre-Mexican vacation portion of my diet. Or whatever.  My start-over, pick-yourself-up-dust-yourself-off day went just fine, exercise and food was under control.  Unfortunately, I’m now up at 4 in the morning.  I’m in Olympia, working and hanging with Noah.  I’m still not quite feeling like myself, but I’m trying to, as the alcoholics say, fake it till I make it.  I just need to shake off this fug, and I want to do so by exercising until I drop, blogging every day, keeping my life orderly and mellow and enjoying the new social options provided by moving back to a bigger city.  I do have a date Weds. night with a guy I met at the dog park this morning- he’s tall, seems cool, has a cool Saint Bernard and generally seemed nice.  He does work at a restaurant downtown, though, and said he was a little hungover from last night, so the drinking thing could be a dealbreaker if he’s into the whole restaurant/constant partying lifestyle thing (which it took me so fucking long to extricate myself from).  We’ll see; he’s cute and seemed clever.  I’m trying to get myself out there a little more.  It’s been like, 3 years since I had a boyfriend I was serious about and I need to start looking because I’m starting to get lonely.  Seattle is a great place to have a boyfriend or partner; there’s tons of stuff to do and outdoorsy places to visit and as I’m getting back into the swing of things up here after all the college-town living in Olympia, I’m starting to wish I had someone to go out and tear up the town with all the time.  Blech, it’s 4 am and I need to go to sleep.

Breakfast: 1 soft boiled egg, 1 slice wheat toast, 1 tomato (200 calories)

Lunch: out for lunch with Lisa (fun to catch up with her today, too), 1 cup steamed vegetables and chicken, 1 cup rice (400 calories)

Dinner: sushi with Noah, 1\2 spider roll (300 calories), about 1\2 cup rice (100 calories), 1\2 portion beef stir fried with onions (400 calories- ish)

Calorie total: 1400

Exercise: 1 hour stationary bike (15.5 miles), 3 miles with dogs

1500 miles in 2010: 165

Song of the day: Romeo, by Basement Jaxx

Daily awesome: 100 greatest quotes from The Wire, woot!