Well, once again, I’ve had a little break from the blog.  Things have not been great- Noah’s mom passed away last week and things have been very hectic since then.  He’s feeling okay; as far as cancer deaths go, hers was an ‘easy’ one.  They decided to stop treatment one week and the next week she was dead- this is after TEN YEARS of beating down the big C even though it kept rearing it’s horrible head: in her hips, her spinal fluid, her breasts, her liver, her brain and pretty much making it’s toxic way through her whole body.  Again, she was spared a protracted period of being bedridden, out of her mind, or in excruciating pain (as in, it only took days, not months), but the basic premise of the thing is so unfair: she fought against it as hard as she could and still, still, STILL it got her in the end.  Anyhow, sad week.

Tomorrow, being thanksgiving, is probably not going to be the best day, food-wise, but I’m making several healthy dishes to balance out the inherent lardiness of the holiday staples (stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, etc.)  I haven’t been working out very much, save for four stationary bike sessions (42 miles!) and the daily dog walk.

I’m feeling pretty low these days and really struggling with my motivation.  Work is in a state of stressful chaos, I haven’t had anything new to show my writing group in 2 weeks (and I’m supposed to be making steady progress on my novel) and my family is coming into town tomorrow: my mother, father, grandmother, two great uncles and my mom’s brother, who was diagnosed a few months ago with terminal cancer and who has been estranged from the family for ten years and will now be experiencing a tearful reunion with his mother (my gram) tomorrow- in my living room.  It’s going to be nuts.  My grandmother can’t sleep alone anymore and in fact the whole trip over here is kinda iffy (as far as her dementia and health goes) and so she’s going to be literally sleeping in the same bed with me for several days.  Following my family’s visit here, I will be accompanying them back to Yakima (with the dogs, of course!) for a week to prepare for a craft fair next weekend that my sister and I are doing.  Also, my cousins baby shower.  I am going to be very anxious the next ten days and I’m going to do my absolute best to stay on plan and work out like a maniac (which is also a healthy way to manage my nervousness).

Anyhow, wish me luck!

Breakfast: 2 soft boiled eggs, 1 slice wheat sourdough, 1 apple, 1 tomato, 1 banana (I was freaking RAVENOUS this morning)

Lunch: cheese bagel with salmon cream cheese and tomatoes (shit!)

Dinner: out for Thai food with Chance, 1\2 order pad khe mao with chicken and extra broccoli, like two bites of his sticky rice desert

Before bed: 1 cup low fat peppermint ice cream

Exercise: 1 mile with dogs

1000 miles in 2009: 934 (getting close!)

Song of the day:Teardrop, Massive Attack (the cover by Jose Gonzalez is also awesome!)

Daily awesome: Well, I saved this one for a few weeks because I knew there would come a day when I really needed some hilarity in my life.  So here it is, Steven Colbert’s top ten breaks in character\total hysterical collapses live on air.  This is what pure joy feels like.

I don’t know what the hell is going on with this site, but my past two posts were for some reason not actually published. . . ? ? ? So, yesterday:

Breakfast: 2 soft boiled eggs on toast, 1 tomato

Lunch: tuna sandwich with light mayo and wheat bread

Dinner: Lots of baked broccoli with salt, pepper and light olive oil, 1 baked tilapia fillet (5 ounces)

Exercise: 30 minutes stationary bike (8 miles), 1 mile with dogs

1000 miles in 2009: 891

Fine- no challenges then.  Yesterday was pretty good- picked up Nance from the airport, went to my writing group, worked, exercised. Today was not the best food day, as I guiltily split a fat-filled sammy with Nancy at lunch, but it definitely could have been worse.  I’m looking forward to a relaxing evening involving a bath, the new episode of 30 Rock, several chapters of the book I’m in the middle of (I Was Told There Would Be Cake, by Sloane Crosley- pretty good).

Breakfast: no

Lunch: 1\2 french dip sammy, side green salad with roasted tomato vinaigrette

Snack: 1 apple, 20 low-fat cheez its

Dinner: Salad with baby spinach, red leaf lettuce, tomatoes, celery, carrots, red cabbage, sprouts, olives, 1 slice gouda, chicken breast (6oz)

Exercise: no, but yesterday: 8 miles on stationary bike, 3 miles with dogs, 30 day shred

1000 miles in 2009: 882

Song of the Day: Double Shadow, by the Junior Boys

Daily Awesome: A little article about how AWESOME dogs can be.

I had a pretty blah day today- but on track with food, exercise and water intake.

Did some work, got my hair cut, had dinner with my wonderful friend Evelyn, who I rarely got to see when I lived in Olympia but now lives actually quite close up here in Seattle-yay!  She was thinking of getting a group of girls to all do weight watchers together (she wants to lose like 50 pounds) and while this was not entirely tempting, I was thinking of how motivating the old Slump Busters challenges were for me- does anyone know if we’re still doing that anywhere on 3FC?  If not, I’m ready to start it up again- anyone with me?

I’m going to try to get those gals together out here in the real world and bring them into our blessed online home for Fat Chicks (say it with pride, now) and rekindle these eating\exercising challenges, because I know I, for one, need some mini-goals to rip into, to get me officially back in the game.  So. . . anyone?  Bueller?  Bueller?

Breakfast: 2 eggs soft boiled, 1 slice wheat toast, 1 tomato, 1 cup skim milk

Lunch: Left over Indian food (left at the house by a musician friend who was staying here this weekend)- 1\4 piece naan, 1\4 cup chicken, 1\4 cup saag paneer.

Dinner: Salad with a chicken breast (baked), red leaf lettuce and baby spinach, carrots,celery, tomato, olives, sprouts, pine nuts, 1 slice gouda, light champagne vinaigrette

Exercise: 30 day shred, 2 times around greenlake- 6 miles

1000 miles in 2009: 871

Song of the Day: Famine, by Sinead O’Connor

Daily Awesome: Things Disney Taught Me About Being a Lady. They’re raising some excellent points here, dude.

I am officially back from my break from blogging.  I’ve spent the past month growing fat and lazy, but I’ve spent the weekend evaluating how I want to spend this, my 29th year. Unfortunately, as far as my goals for this year go, I’ve really fallen short.  I’ve lost about a size and a half (two on a good day), but that’s not a very fine show for nine months of alleged dieting.  I’ve organized a calendar to keep track of each day until I turn 30, on October 25th, 2010.  This year’s birthday was amazing- had all my friends over for a fabulous dinner party and games.  But I was so disappointed to have not reached my weight loss goals, to have let it all slip again.  I have to do this this year, I’m so unhappy with this one thing, it’s driving me crazy.  The rest of my life feels so good, and productive, and on track these days (except that I’m having MASSIVE money problems right now), but it’s like I’m dragging around this extra person all the time, still this fat girl who can ruin birthdays and embarrass me at business meetings.  I can’t afford any more off weeks and certainly no more off months.  I hate not being able to dispatch this problem with purpose and surety- I just want to be done with it, but the siren song of shitty food and inactivity is still so loud and attractive, just that same old self-punishing bullshit.  Anyhow, I think the only way to do it is just to do it, so here goes again.  Lots of exercise and vegetables and water- no cheating or binging or laziness; that’s the essence of my plan.  Only good news: 69.5 miles on my pedometer since I last wrote- and that’s without the stationary bike- woot!

Breakfast: english muffin with one soft boiled egg, 1 tomato, salt

Lunch: Salad with sliced turkey, 1 slice gouda, sprouts, tomato, celery, carrot, garbanzo beans, olives, light champagne vinaigrette.

Dinner: Leftover wheat pasta with tuna, tomatoes, capers, olives

Exercise: 30 day shred, walk around greenlake with dogs (3 miles)

1000 miles in 2009: 865

Song of the Day: All My Heroes Are Weirdoes, by !!! (Rest In Peace, Gerry Fuchs, you will be missed)

Daily awesome: In honor of last nights amazing Mad Men Finale, here are some of the most insane moments on that show, courtesy of Television Without PIty.