Today was a good day- ate well, exercised, worked, made it to class on time. . . what a relief.  I’m feeling a little bit more in control of myself.  I’m really fighting the urge to eat like a maniac right now; I just need to push through it.  I know I’ve just been a little depressed lately and the desire to eat nasty food is just another facet of feeling down, even though it doesn’t feel like that when I’m experiencing it directly.  I’m going to sleep early tonight, going to wake up early tomorrow and work out, then Noah and I have meetings all day, then. . . Wolverine!  

Breakfast: 2 eggs, 1 slice wheat bread, 3 slices turkey bacon

Lunch: sammy with 1 slice wheat bread, 2 laughing cow light swiss wedges, spinach, sliced chicken

Dinner: potluck at school, 1/4 cup rice pilaf, 1/4 cup quinoa, 1 piece flatbread with strawberry preserves, small green salad, 2 apple slices, 

Exercise: 30 day shred, 30 minutes stationary bike (8.5 miles), 1 mile with dogs

1000 mile in 2009: 329.5 

Song of the Day: Grey Ice Water, by Modest Mouse

Daily awesome:  Susan Boyle backlash, holla!

I ate so frigging much today; I felt totally out of control.  The next few days are going to be completely badass and May is going to be my month, I swear.  I want to lose 20 pounds this month, and I’ve shown some inklings of straying completely from the diet lately.  The next few days are going to be hectic- Noah gets home, we have out-of-town work meetings and several projects to finish, I have a full social calendar for the weekend (starting with the Wolverine premiere Thursday at midnight- Taylor Kitsch as Gambit, hello sailor! The midnight movie will be preceded by the one-night-only, live-streaming This American Life, which happens to be playing at the same theater), but I’m going to spend some time tomorrow night preparing a lot of healthy foods to have on hand.  I’ve let my healthy pantry run a little dry- I need to make some edamame, wash and cut some vegetables, buy some lowfat cheese and healthy bread and yogurt, etc.). I can’t even bear to write a whole rundown of the days mileage and food intake; I’m just  feeling like a lazy blogger lately and tonight I am full and bloated and wretched and all that, so I’m going to skip it and get over this rough patch starting tomorrow.  No excuses in the month of May; that’s my plan.  I want to plan out days when I’ll eat something indulgent, like pasta or a slice of cake or something and otherwise remain motivated and on plan.  I also have some serious organizing to do of my closet\linens and need a thorough spring cleaning including a steam cleaning of my carpets.  I want to get those two things done within the next two weeks.  I’m also re-incorporating sugar-and-fat-free instant pudding back into the diet; I used to eat it all the time the last time I was losing weight and I’ve been feeling a hankering for the sweet stuff lately, so hopefully that will take the edge off.  Anyhow, tomorrow I’m back on track with all things diet, including blogging and will make a return to my daily awesomeness.  I cleaned my bedroom, changed my sheets and vacuumed the house tonight and I already feel better.  Nancy and I had a fantastic sushi dinner and then I ruined it two hours later by eating my weight in tortilla chips and salsa.  I have to stop fucking around and get serious about this.  I want to have a fabulous month of May.

I finished the challenge, barely, this time!  Evie and I had a wonderful time yesterday, got caught up on almost everything.  It’s funny how i was just complaining about how I’m lacking in girlfriends down here and suddenly one of my oldest and dearest makes the trip down (from Seattle) and we have a fabulous day together.  Today I will be frantically writing the essay I should have written this weekend, for class tonight.  Also, I thought the Slump Busters Challenge page would be updated by now- is there no new challenge this week?  Does anyone know?

Yesterday: 

3 miles with the dogs, 30 minutes on the stationary bike, 30 day shred

Challenge: 80 oz of water, 270\270 minutes of exercise, 16\ 12 miles

Hurray!

Today was not bad.  I didn’t exercise again, but my food intake was pretty much on track.  I’m just feeling depressed and kinda like a wet blanket lately; haven’t been wanting to blog or read or do anything much but watch TV and smoke cigarettes this whole week.  I’m way low on exercise minutes, at least compared to how things have been going.  Maybe I just needed a resting week or something.  My old friend Evelyn is coming down to visit me tomorrow and that will hopefully be just the thing to snap me out of my funk.  I haven’t seen her all year and we have a lot of catching up to do.  I’m going to make sure to exercise in the morning so I can make my minutes for this weeks challenge.

Breakfast: no

Lunch: salad with the usual stuff

Dinner: wheat pasta with tomato sauce and ground turkey

Exercise: no

1000 miles in 2009: no

Challenge!

80 oz of water

210\260 exercise minutes

4\6 clean eating days for the week

13\12 miles

Song of the Day: Colours, by Donovan

Daily awesome:  Looking forward to a night of at home pampering tomorrow evening.  I was supposed to go up to Seattle and see my mom (which I forgot about when I was planning my relaxing evening), but it turns out she’s not going to be in town.  In honor of my night of personal grooming tomorrow night, enjoy makeyourowncosmetics.com.  I haven’t really explored the site too much, but I’m a fan of homemade cosmetics; every Christmas I make up a batch of bath salts or soap or something fun to give to the girls and I have some tried and true recipes that I love, love, love!  Looking forward to discovering some new ones on the site.

Yesterday:

Breakfast: sandwich with 2 slices wheat bread, 1 egg, sliced chicken, yellow mustard, 1 tomato

Lunch: no

Dinner: salad with sliced chicken, feta, mixed greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, sprouts, radishes, garbanzo beans, olives, nonfat balsamic vinaigrette

Exercise: Levels 1 and 2 of the 30 day shred (60 minutes), 30 minutes stationary bike (8 miles), 2 miles with dogs

1000 miles in 2009: 309

Challenge!

Exercise minutes: 210\260 

Water: 96 oz

Miles: 13\12 (yay!)

Well, today was my second good food day of the week.  Tuesday and Weds. were a total wash and I’m still feeling kind of out of sorts.  I can’t shake my spring blues.  Tomorrow my professor, Rebecca, is throwing a sustainable garden party- we’ll all be planting and digging and hopefully enjoying the sunshine.  I’m also going to take care of some fun errands, like returning clothes I ordered from Old Navy online (1x is too big for shirts now!!), going to the casino for my monthly voucher, buying a new pair of jeans etc.  Also, I think I’m going to go to a film screening tomorrow night- it’s a movie made by some local boys around my age and reportedly very cute (or so says my married pal Katya, who gave me their email address, which I haven’t used yet), and I’ve been told by a couple people that they’ve heard of our movie and want to get together with Noah and I, to talk about making a low (zero) budget movie in this area.  I’m looking forward to it, but once again, none of my friends are interested in going, so I’m going to call this girl Bekah from my class to go with me (Katya can’t go).  I exercised today after taking two days off (except walking, which I’ve been doing a lot of.  You’re welcome, dogs!) and it nearly killed me.  I think later this weekend, I’m going to go run those stairs again.  That was extraordinarily unpleasant, but I felt great afterwards and I need something extra hardcore to compensate for my bad food behavior earlier this week.  I’m looking forward to a good day tomorrow, back on track and all that.  I’m so frustrated with myself that I can’t keep my food plan on track.  I can only do it if my fridge is completely stocked with everything I need and if I go to the store only when I have a list of EXACTLY the things I need.  I can’t deviate one iota from the list, or I’ll come back with frozen pizzas and the like.  I just want to do this and it’s making me feel so fucking weak and pathetic that I can’t even manage seven full days of completely under control eating.  It’s not like my food plan is too stringent, I get to eat plenty of food that I like, I love vegetables and all that green stuff; eating shitty food is an unconscious bid for sabotage and it’s making me hate myself.  I can’t decide if I need to relax and get over it or take myself more heavily to task about it.  I think I’m exercising enough that it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but as soon as I stop eating those crackers, or that slice of pizza or good god, that entire tub of coolwhip, I am consumed with the kind of morbid shame that should only come from really drunk karaoke (50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, by Paul Simon.  The Comet Tavern.  I was 19.  Crying and wasted  I have never, EVER lived it down.  I don’t embarrass easily, but thinking of it still makes me cringe now, nine years later.  I have to say, though, I am, under normal circumstances, known for my karaoke prowess) or killing puppies.  I’m right now, before my two sleeping pills kick in, trying to give myself the ’shake it off, champ’ pep talk and it’s working marginally well.  Tomorrow will be better, great even.  

Breakfast: nope

Lunch: sandwich with lettuce, spinach, chicken, 2 laughing cow wedges, horseradish

Dinner: 1 cup wheat pasta with spinach, tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, feta cheese, kalamata olives, parmasean

Exercise: 30 day shred, 30 minutes stationary bike (9 miles- I was going super fast today!), 3 miles with dogs

1000 miles in 2009: 299

Challenge!

Water: 128 oz

Exercise minutes: 120\260

Miles: 11\12

The doing-something-for-myself involves my plan to have 2 hours of uninterrupted, just-for-fun reading this Sunday night, followed by a home grooming bonanza: eyebrow plucking, pedicure, pumicing my callouses, face mask, body scrub and thorough lotioning followed by self tanner. After this, I will work on my creative writing for 2 hours and will not allow any deviation from this plan!

Song of the Day: Call Tyrone, by Erykah Badu

Daily awesome:  Well, this is not exactly awesome but, well, yikes.

Another bad food day, but not quite as bad as the day before.  Adding the 20 minutes to my workout minutes.  I did do four miles again yesterday.  Ugh.  

Challenge:

8\12 miles

60\260 minutes

Water is on track

1000 miles in 2009: 287

Will write later.

I had a bad, bad day today, involving pizza, an entire container of fat free coolwhip and many other anxiety-foods.  I can’t even get into it, but needless to say, I’ll be adding some exercise to my minutes for the week.  I feel fucking disgusting.  

Yesterday, though, was a good day: I exercised and ate well and soaked up the sunshine.  I am actually getting a tan from the beautiful weather, which, I swear, makes me look twice as good as I do in the winter, but it doesn’t usually happen until at least June.  

I can’t even bear to recount what I ate today; I’m afraid I might commit harakiri when I see it on paper.

Challenge so far:

Exercise minutes: 60\240

Miles; 4 so far

Water is up to par

1000 miles in 2009: 283

No daily awesome today.  Why did I do this to myself, why, why, why?  Oh well, onwards and upwards, tomorrow is a new day.

Good day, but was too busy to write and went to be very early last night.

Breakfast: 1 cup yogurt, 1 tomato, 1 banana

Lunch: 1 cup teriyaki chicken, 4 pieces tuna roll, 2 pieces tempura (whoops)

Dinner: Salad with tempeh, mixed greens, tomatoes, feta, olives, red cabbage, carrots, cucumber, radishes, sprouts

Exercise: 30 day shred, 40 minutes stationary bike(11 miles), 1 hour hiking in Priest Point Park (3 miles)

1000 miles in 2009: 283

Challenged completed!  Huzzah!!  Onto the next one.  For this weeks Challenge, I think I’m going to try to  count up the 12 miles only in dog walking- I’ve been kind of slack about getting them a lot of exercise, so this should help me crack down.  Everything else in the challenge seems pretty manageable.  I’m totally into the challenge thing; having mini goals really gives a sense of accomplishment.  

I spent a very nice evening with the somewhat-bouncing-back Nancy- she’s going to the doctor next week about her horrible post partum, and seemed to more strongly resemble her spunky old self.  We had a Sex and The City marathon, had dinner, she took a bubble bath while I spent time with little Max.  It was a good night- I’ve felt like since Nancy got pregnant, it’s been sort of like she got a partial lobotomy, she hasn’t really been too interested in anything other than babies, marriage-related topics or similar in a long time.  But she’s starting to seem more interested in the outside world now and that is a very hopeful sign (at least for me).  She also seems like she’s getting more confident in terms of taking the baby out and about.

I have the blues again today; I’m listening to a lot of Velvet Underground, moping around, resisting the urge to call John to get some kind of testosterone fix.  I want to meet someone really wonderful and it’s just not freaking happening and if it did, I’m in no shape to perform the kind of sexual acrobatics I’d like to so that’s out of the question anyway. I just feel lonely for a man in my life.  I also need some new friends.  I have a very full social life, but I need to spice things up a bit with some new, interesting people.  There’s a girl in my class that I’m kinda becoming friends with who seems promising- funny, smart and interesting.  I need to meet more people that have common interests with me- a lot of my friends are in baby or boyfriend land (including my sister) and I need to meet some people who are more into going to interesting events, seeing music, into art or writing or activism.  I feel like I’m doing a lot of stuff lately that falls under the category more of ‘being supportive’ to my friends than in the ‘actually fun and interesting’ column, and I need a better balance of both.  All my close friends (except Noah) are people I met working in the restaurant, and not a one of them (Nancy, who is my closest girlfriend in Olympia, included) has made it to one of my film screenings, the secret cafe we threw, the activist panel sponsored by the city (which Noah and I were on) or any other event pertaining to my life.  The sole exception is Kathy.  They are amazing friends, but I feel like I put a lot more into the relationships than I get back, and I want to expand my group of friends to include more people who share my interests, or at least can muster the wherewithal to show up for me and pretend like they do.  The problem really lies here: my three BEST girlfriends (Lynn, whom I’ve been best friends with since the age of six; Rachel, since age 13, and Holly, who was my sisters best friend and later my roommate and sanity preserver here in Olympia, up until September this year) live out of town, so I’m already at ladyfriend disadvantage and it’s a small town.  Oh well, I’ve never had a problem making friends and I think I just need to cultivate a few of the many acquaintances who I’ve known from around school and town.  I have a lot of peripheral friends who I enjoy a night out with and could potentially be better friends with, if I could put in the effort.  I haven’t really had the time to do that lately, but I think it’s probably time to make time.  Ugh, I’m just complainey today; feeling dissatisfied with my love life makes me dissatisfied with EVERYTHING!  But, a good day.  

Breakfast: mango, 1 cup yogurt

Lunch: sammy with 2 laughing cow cheeses, spinach, 3 slices turkey bacon

Dinner: salad with mixed greens, tomato, cucumber, carrots, feta, 1 chicken breast, non-fat balsamic vinaigrette (pretty good, Healthy Choice)

Exercise: no

1000 miles in 2009: 269

Challenge!

Water: 96 oz

Exercise minutes: 335\290

Clean Eating Days: 5\6

Song of the Day: Changed The Locks, by Lucinda Williams

Daily awesome: The All New Slump Busters Challenge Home Blog Page.  Check it out for next weeks challenge, y’all!!!