Well, it’s back to school tomorrow.  Night classes as usual- second quarter of the class I was taking last quarter, shouldn’t be that strenuous.  Today was a pretty good day- a little too snacky, but oh well.  I thought I saw one of my best friends from high school in a restaurant today and now I can’t stop thinking of her.  It really makes me want to rassle up some names and numbers of everyone I’ve lost touch with.  I’m feeling quite good, though still impatient for the smaller pants sizes.   I have days when the weight loss process seems like it will be a snap, like I could keep on like this forever, no problem and just let the chips fall where they may.  But days like today, my goals feel really far away and I realized how embarrassed I would have been if it had been Heather in the restaurant today, how uncomfortable with how I looked.  She and I moved to California for 6 months after high school; we surfed and partied and had inappropriate sexual liasons with the loutish surfers that populate the area.  We always had a blast together and we looked so physically similar in high school that people often mistook us for sisters- now that would NOT be the case, if she looks anything like the doppleganger I saw in Happy Teriyaki today.  I did see her a few years ago and she was shocked, even though she handled it like a pro, and I’d love to hang out with her again soon, but I wouldn’t want to run into her or anyone else like that without a lot of advance warning.  Isn’t that so sad and limiting and ridiculous?  To think getting fat is the worst thing that can happen to a woman?  I’m proud of my accomplishments the past five years, but I would be fucking ashamed to run into guys I dated in high school and afterwards, how disgusting of a societal commentary is that- or a view into my pathetically secret acceptance of all the bullshit we’re supposed to believe about fat women in particular.  I hate myself for subscribing to a corrupt belief system, but I do (for myself), and I just want to lose this weight so I can feel like a normal person again.  I’d give almost anything to speed up the process, but I need to snap out of all this Negative Nancy stuff; I’m fine, this is going to take awhile and I’m just going to have to be all right with it and not give up.  

Breakfast: no 

Lunch: out, Happy Teriyaki, cabbage salad with chicken, slivered almonds, carrots, radicchio and non fat sesame dressing.  This lunch was a total revelation- I’ve never had this salad before and it was INCREDIBLY delicious and satisfying.

Snacks: 1 serving reduced fat Wheat Thins with 1 slice swiss, 1 serving tortilla chips with salsa

Dinner: Salad with romaine, baby spinach, feta, tempeh, tomatoes, radishes, olives, carrots, red cabbage, balsamic vinaigrette

Water: 96 oz so far

Exercise: 2 miles with the dogs, 30 day shred, 40 minutes stationary bike (11.5 miles)

1000 miles in 2009: 129

Song of the Day: Needy Girl, by Chromeo

Daily awesome: My best friend in the world was recently and unceremoniously dumped by a man who she’s lived with for seven years, dated for nine and whom she thought she would marry.  She’s in her first year of grad school in Detroit (a big adjustment for a Northwest girl, even without the dissolution of her long-term relationship).  She is the most competent, hilarious and amazing person I know and I just found out today that she’s met someone and is seeing him very happily.  I’m so thrilled for her and I hope this will help her get over the hump.  Proud of her for moving on, even in the face of utter heartbreak.  When my long term, thought-I-might-marry-him relationship ended, I was a wreck for six years, gained 90 pounds and never was able to have a functional relationship again.  But Lynn, she’s back on the horse in six months- incredible!