Well, today was not as good as yesterday, but I have not fully blown my diet.  It’s uncanny here- I feel so bloated and unattractive and dejected.  I know it’s just my complicated relationship with my family, but I can’t help but to go into a shame spiral about my fatness every time I get over here.  And yet I’m also too self-conscious to work out in front of my parents (they weren’t around yesterday when I did the video and the bike).   It’s fucked up and I have to just get over it-  I want and need to do my full exercise routine tomorrow and I’m going to try not to let my anxiety over my mother seeing me sweating and fat in my workout clothes get to me.  Anyhow, bottom line is that I did not work out today.  And I ate a lot of nuts (yeah, buddy).  Seriously, though, cashews- why the hell does my mom ALWAYS have a gigantic container of them in her pantry?  I snacked on them a little bit today and I’m disappointed, but I can move on.  I knew that it was risky to come over here for five days with very little agenda except to get ready for the craft fair- lots of opportunities to blow my diet.  Not to mention the influence of my ex-bulimic, now pregnant sister, who is in her first trimester and literally CANNOT stop eating (and not regular food either- she has become a frequent visitor to Jack in the Box, Burger King, Taco Time, The Old Country Buffet and other insane places like that).  I’m just trying to keep it cool, so I’m not going to freak out over a few extra nuts, though I’m sure they made a serious (and seriously effed) difference in my calories today.  I’m getting over it, trying to go to sleep early and get a healthy start tomorrow.

Breakfast: 1 leftover taco- ground beef, cheese, onions, lettuce, sliced tomatoes

Lunch: 6 inch subway sammy with chicken breast, cheese, dijon, honey mustard, pickles, olives, tomatoes, lettuce, onions

Dinner: Homemade broccoli and cheddar soup (thanks, Mom!), about 1 cup, salad with spinach and red leaf lettuce, pine nuts, sliced pot roast, cucumbers, radishes, tomatoes, sprouts, feta, balsamic vinaigrette

Snack: many cashews throughout the day, maybe 3 or 4 ounces (yeesh)

Exercise: 2 miles with the dogs

1000 miles in 2009: 57

Song of the Day: Alarm Call, by Bjork

Daily awesome: Here are Self Magazine’s 20 Weight Loss Foods.  I’m thinking about shifting my diet into higher gear in terms of food (this means a crackdown on salad dressing fat, unfortunately) so I’ve been looking into what stuff to fill my kitchen with.  This is a pretty comprehensive list, with recipe suggestions, too!