Ugh, I am sick as a dog.  I fell off the wagon for a couple of days (food wise) and now I am horribly, blindly sick and cannot even muster the strength to write about my food intake (mostly bread, saltines, pasta and club soda today) or how terrible this week has been.  Just wanted to check in and remind myself to be responsible to this blog.  As soon as I’m better, I’m back on track with the diet and back with the daily blogging.

I’m feeling pretty blue today; I always feel a little sad after weekends with the family.  It’s extremely hard to see my grandmother (and namesake) in her current, diminished state.  I had a horrible headache all day today.  

Breakfast: 1 piece flank steak, 1 egg

lunch: sauteed red and green cabbage with 1 chicken breast

Dinner: 6 wasa crackers with goat cheese, 30 almonds

exercise: 3 miles with the dogs, 20 minutes on the stationary bike

song of the day: “Answer Me” by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings

Daily awesome:  I think this one guy in my class is a total douche (always ruminating on various new-agey philosophies in class, has a yin-yang tattoo- no joke, a big one on his forearm); he’s been rubbing me the wrong way this entire quarter.  However, today after class, we had a very lively, hour long debate that was the highlight of my evening.  I still think he’s kind of a DB but he’s smart and likes to argue (like me!) and I feel like I can actually respect him now.  Surprising and interesting, very good conversation. 

Slumdog Millionaire left me cold, I loved Milk and Kate Winslet is an incredible actress who did not deserve to win this year and is beginning to have a completely ridiculous and affected personality.  I love awards shows.

Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs with spinach and feta, 1 cup canned peaches in light syrup

Lunch: no

dinner: 1 corn tortilla with sliced chicken, cilantro, tomatoes, salsa, black beans, 2 empanadas, 1 slice flank steak

snack: 25 tamari almonds

exercise: no

Song of The Day: ‘Coal Miner’s Daughter,’ by Loretta Lynn

Daily awesome: another favorite blog: http://streetanatomy.com/ 

It’s an interesting blog about anatomical art- multiple authors and artists.  

I’m really into anatomical art (I’m obsessed with diagrams of hearts and muscles, have them up around my house, collect antique medical texts); I have a beautiful tattoo already designed (but not yet inked) involving an anatomical heart and a Roetke poem; it’s going to be my reward when I graduate or lose 60 pounds (whichever comes first).

So, this was my first REALLY bad food day in awhile; it started just fine and progressed into something of a fiasco, by the end.  I’m still at the parental home, I did the interview with my grandmother (who is now less mentally sound then she was even one month ago and also incontinent enough to have had to change and wash her pants twice today- it’s heartbreaking and I wish I lived in this area to help her and my mom), but I was inside the house ALL day, with a brief-dog walk exception.  For starters, I slept until 11 am, woke up, walked the dogs, cleaned up the house, interviewed grandma, made dinner with my mother, played about 4 games of scrabble.  Many other things happened, but we didn’t even end up going to the show at the Seasons tonight (Eliane Elias- I would have loved it, being a big bossa nova fan, but my preggers sister was far too ill to go).  I ate like a pig, did not exercise and felt like shit all day.  Just goes to show, I suppose.

Well, I’m going to get back on track tomorrow, not going to be derailed.  This is a little glitch and there are bound to be more throughout the course of this (hopefully final) diet and lifestyle change.  I need to get back to my home environment, so I can regain my sense of control.  I can hardly bear to look in the mirror around here, because when I’m with my family, I just feel so ugly- read into this what you may, it’s just the way things are.  I don’t normally dwell on that when I’m at home- I get ready, preen in the mirror, check out how my jeans fit like a normal girl, but here I sometimes just feel like a lost cause.  Three days with ample family time is enough; I really do feel thankful to be an adult. . . I’m going home tomorrow, Noah gets home on Monday, it’s going to be a great week for diet and exercise.  Positive, positive, positive.

Breakfast: 1 slice grain bread with tuna

Lunch: crackers with tuna, slice swiss cheese, orange, handful craisins, handful cashews

Dinner:  oh lord, huge dinner.  2 1\2 slices marinated flank steak, 1 cup rice, 4 spears asparagus, lots of spinach salad with hard boiled egg, chives, feta, balsamic vinaigrette, 1 cup light mint chocolate chip ice cream (I did manage to pass on the cream-cheese frosted cupcakes)

Snack after dinner (bad kitty!!!): 2 large handfuls cashews (I cannot believe I just kept eating and eating one of the most calorie-dense foods I can think of), 1 handful craisins.  I don’t even want to consider how many calories and how much fat I took in tonight- it was the damn cashews.  Subtract those motherfuckers and I could have been okay with the ice cream.  Ugh.  Clean slate tomorrow, a long drive home, Nancy’s baby shower and the Oscars. . . I LOVE an award show (don’t judge me), I’ll be watching my favorite one at my friend Kathy’s house, doing laundry and generally relaxing.  I can’t wait.

exercise: nope

Song of the Day: “Carry The Zero” by Built to Spill

Daily awesome: My mother mended a favorite sweater of mine today that I believed was beyond repair; it’s flaming red, breasty and fabulous, I love the thing but haven’t been able to wear it for awhile.  Looking forward to doing so tomorrow; thanks mom!

Too tired to really write, just wanted to food journal a bit.

Breakfast: 2 eggs, 1 slice swiss, 1 slice toast, chopped chives, 1 orange,

Lunch: many baby carrots, tuna salad on 1 slice grainy bread (made with olive oil mayo, and just a little bit- lots of celery and dill pickles- my favorite), 1 cup (!) craisins

Dinner: out for dinner again.  4 pieces fried calamari, 1\2 slice bread, salad with mixed greens, spinach, steak, wild rice, mushrooms, tomatoes, olives, mustard vinaigrette

exercise: 4 miles with dogs in the a.m with my mom (good to talk to her one-on-one)

Song of the Day: “Bring It On Home to Me’ by Sam Cooke

Daily awesome: I went to a classical music show tonight at my fathers venue and, although I actually loved it (single pianist, Beethoven and Debussy fugues- moody and soothing at the same time and flawless execution), it made me think of the very clever satirical blog Stuff White People Like.  This blog is FULL of absolute gems, though as a white person, I sometimes cringe at how easily they’ve hit my nail on the head.  So funny. 

I am currently playing scrabble with my mother.  Long day of driving and no exercise (well, a walk this morning).  We went out for mexican food and it was a fat bloodbath, though it definitely could have been worse.  I have to be on track tomorrow; I need to put my best foot forward here at my parents house.  

Breakfast: peanut butter on toast, 6 ounces soy milk

Lunch: 2 slices swiss cheese, 2 handfuls craisins

Dinner: previously referenced fat bloodbath.  Mexican food; 10 tortilla chips with salsa, fajita salad: sauteed steak, chicken, onions (I hate green peppers, so they left those out) in a flour tortilla shell, sour cream (why, god?), guacamole, shredded iceberg lettuce.  The only thing I didn’t eat was the flour tortilla shell.  It could have been worse,  I suppose, but not my finest hour.  

Exercise: brief walk this morning, less than 1 mile

Song of the Day: ‘Isis’ by Bob Dylan

Daily awesome:  two inspirational weight loss blogs: 101 Reasons I Hate Being Fat and Steve Version 4.6.  Both awesome (that’s why they’re in the awesome section, people!).  Also, my mom just beat me at scrabble (which I myself am extremely good at), by 30 points, because she is also awesome!

ps: I meant to post this last night,  but didn’t actually click ‘publish’.  My bad, y’all.

Holy hell, I am incredibly tired again tonight.  I literally did not have a spare moment today; I got through my stationary bike this morning and thank god, because I definitely would not have taken care of it after class at 10 pm (as I am sometimes wont to do, being a night owl and all).  There’s been baby shower planning, frantic work, babysitting a sick kid (which included cleaning up vomit WHILE ALSO writing a paper about eco-linguistic theory for class tonight- my laptop really dodged a bullet today), three crisis phone calls from various friends (including a years-sober friend of mine who fell off the wagon last night- so, so, so incredibly upsetting, I can only imagine how she must feel) and also, I ate five (yeah, you heard me, FIVE) eggs today.  I don’t even know how it happened.  Tomorrow morning is the trip to Yakima and I am still wary, especially because my sister and I are fighting (sort of) and there is some truly unpleasant stuff going on with the creation of the website\staff issues that I have to take care of over there.  Normally, my business partner (who is also my total bestie) would go over with me to help soften the blow, but his mom has cancer and he is in San Francisco with her right now (totally thinking of you, Sochets!), spending some time with her while she is not especially fucked up from all the various chemical and mechanical treatments she’s getting.  She’s truly an incredible woman; cancer keeps trying to take her down- for the past NINE years she’s lived with it in her brain stem, hip, pancreas, lungs, spinal cord, and  meningeal fluid off and on- but she rises up every time and beats it back down.  She is eventually going to die of the disease, the doctors have told her a thousand times (and even in the two years I’ve known Noah, he’s flown down there to be at her supposed death bed at least seven or eight times), but she is fighting tooth and nail and has exceeded her previously predicted lifespan by nearly a decade.  She’s incredible, is something of a medical oddity, has had papers written about her and is generally prone to COMPLETELY BLOWING MY SOCKS OFF.  She’s so awesome.  

So, a dorky workout thing which embarrasses me to even record for posterity: I swear to god, watching musicals while on the stationary bike makes the time FLY by and I feel like I get a better workout.  I’m barely able to get past the grotesquely dweeby image of myself doing this- fat chick on a stationary bike with a crazy headband, sweating like mad, singing ‘And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going’- but I’ve been able really rock the shit out of the stationary bike lately.  I feel like it’s enhanced my workouts.  Weird, right?  I usually vary up my routine with the bike: sometimes I listen to workout mixes and just focus on the music and the exercise, sometimes I watch episodes of shows to keep track of time (I heart you, two episodes of Arrested Development- 46 minutes of stationary bike bliss), sometimes I read magazines, sometimes I split 30 minute sessions with pushups and weights and such.  But I swear, really belting out the showtunes enhances the workout like nothing else I’ve done.  Don’t judge me; it is unbelievable.  Who knew what strange magic ‘Luck Be a Lady Tonight’ could produce in combination with exercise equipment?

Anyhoo, very weird, not good eating day today.

Breakfast: nope

Lunch: 2 tomatoes, 2 eggs, 1\2 chicken breast, olives, goat cheese scramble

Dinner: 2 eggs on 1 slice sourdough with 2 slices sharp cheddar (ack! too much dairy)

snack at 11 pm: 1 egg, 1 slice wheat bread, 1 tomato, 1 tablespoon light mayo

Exercise: 1 mile on dog trail, 40 minutes on stationary bike

Song of the Day: ‘Heartbeats’ by The Knife

Daily awesome:  I needed a little silliness in my life today so I watched one of my favorite things: 46 seconds of perfect television.  If you haven’t seen Kathy Griffin threatening to knock the dicks out of a hecklers mouth on new years eve LIVE ON CNN (oh my god, I mean who hasn’t seen it, but it’s so sublimely perfect that you should watch it again), get ready for an extra super special treat.  Griffin is not normally my favorite, but here is where she really shines; it is the crassest, most old-school joke ever, but I’m a fan of her awesome vulgarity.

Ugh, I’m just putting off doing the tons of homework I should have completed this weekend, not reading or doing anything vaguely constructive, just watching old Intervention episodes on youtube and generally being useless.  I worked all day today and felt deeply compelled to smoke cigarettes, but did not (huzzah!).  

Decent food day, but again, not the best.

Breakfast: balance bar, tomato

Lunch: sammy with mustard, light mayo, tomato and chicken breast, on 1 slice of sourdough bread

snack: 20 tamari almonds

Dinner: salad with chicken, red leaf lettuce, radishes, olives, tomatoes, garbanzo beans, sprouts, goat cheese, carrots, balsamic vinaigrette.  

Exercise: 1 hour stationary bike, no dog walk (sorry guys, I know around the block doesn’t count)

Song of the day: ‘This is England’ by the Clash- my favorite by them and a stirring anthem to work out to.

Daily awesome: Guilty pleasure blog from the totally shallow and totally hilarious hipster rapscallion Aviva.  Veevs is super funny, but, like her Vice Magazine ilk, totally frivolous, but she does interesting stuff, knows interesting people and writes with total, often drug addled candor about her experiences.  Reading her blog is like reliving my earlier days as a consistently wasted 22 year old who never missed a party or an art opening or a secret cafe but with her location (New York/LA) is much harsher than my sweet, relaxed Seattle.  Makes me feel a little dirty and also relieved I don’t drink and screw around any more, but still fun, and funny.

Today was very busy, did not manage to get any substantial exercise, but I feel okay taking the day off.  I had meetings almost all day today and then spent the evening shopping for a baby changing table for my friends baby shower.  It’s almost 11 pm and though I am usually the nightiest of night owls, I think I’m going to just call it a day.

Breakfast: balance bar, glass of soy milk

Lunch: out with client, caesar salad with shrimp and lowfat dressing, I slice bread

Dinner: Balance bar

Not my best eating day, I don’t think I consumed enough calories to keep my head straight, but I’m too tired to make myself something healthy now, so I’m just going to drink a bottle of water and put myself down, instead of eating the gigantic, mayonaisey sammy that is calling my name.

Exercise: dog walk, 2 miles on trail

Song of the Day: Devil Town, by Daniel Johnston (specifically the Bright Eyes cover).  I listened to it and prayed that Friday Night Lights would be renewed for a 4th season.  Fellow FNL fans know what I’m talking about. . . for anyone who doesn’t, get on the FNL train because it is freaking AMAZING!

Daily awesome:

The first prospective (and now for real!) client I met with today turned out to be a fascinating woman.  We had a wonderful lunch and talked about issues in the health care system (she’s an obstetrician who needs a website); it’s one of those rare times when the work is going to be vastly more interesting than I first assumed.  She offers low-cost, non-surgical, innovative treatments for women with reproductive health problems and she has a very interesting patient-care philosophy, which she will be able to share with the world, as soon as we build her a fabulous site.  She’s going to be a very sassy blogger.  Made my day.  

I just read an amazing project idea: a photo journal for every day of an entire year, with a brief paragraph about each photo, all kept digitally.  While I am far too unreliable to tout a camera anywhere except in my dogs ridiculous faces, I was thinking of other ways I could tie this blog into something that would hold my (and reader) interest. While I am obsessing about weight loss, it’s a pretty small portion of my day and of the space in my mind.  So!  I’m going to start out by assembling a song of the day and a cool thing I found out/discovered/experienced today and plan to do it every single day that I blog.  At the end of my weight loss journey (yuck, hate that terminology- journey is such a soft, new agey word, especially for something that feels more like machete-ing my way through an virulent jungle), I’ll have assembled a master mixed tape (er, CD, playlist, what have you) of songs that helped me battle the hostile takeover (I’m talkin to you, back fat!) and a compendium of moments that cheered me up/random shit I ran across on the internet.  It’s going to be a long haul on this and I hate just posting statistics and a daily menu, or griping about family problems or ruined tits or obsessive love of sour cream and cheddar potato chips or how much I miss my old body.  I think this new plan will also help me keep track of how I’m feeling, even if I don’t feel like writing a big blahblahblah about the day.

So, my inaugural Song of The Day. . .

Strict Machine, by Goldfrapp:  

I listened to this one a gazillion times while I was on the stationary bike, was very much in the mood for the thundering electronic beat.  

Trip to Awesometown of the day:

My business partner, Noah, and I have been using this insanely fresh tool a lot lately in our design work; also wrote about the thing in our work blog and have been recommending it to everyone we know.  This tool, from Idee Labs, lets you select pictures from the entire Flickr database, by choosing a set of colors, up to ten.  It rules the school, let me tell you, for folks wanting to do color collages or glean design inspiration.

Here it is, with purple and grey highlighted:

Again, it is sweet, take it for a spin: http://labs.ideeinc.com/multicolr/