So I can’t sleep. . . not hungry anymore but just generally feeling anxious and, well, awake.  I was reading a bunch of the other blogs on this site and guzzling bottle after bottle of water (thanks, feathers, it totally DID help :)) and I think I’m totally going to institute a reward system.  I’ve been pondering the successes and shortcomings of my eating plan the past couple of weeks and I think that I need to change up the way I exercise.  I’ve been too lackadaisical about working out and not giving it enough variety.  Also, I was on one of those calorie-count websites earlier tonight and it showed the shocking amount of calories you can burn by swimming or otherwise doing water activities.  I am a student and have access to a beautiful pool and sauna for free, but I’ve been a little too self-conscious to go to the school gym recently.  I need to get over it because 700 calories per hour sounds pretty nice to me.  Also, I happen to be an excellent swimmer.  I swam competitively all through my formative years (since I was 8, then all through high school) and it always kept me in great shape and I am now recalling the satisfied and tired-to-the-bone feeling you get after swimming.  Thinking about swimming at state competitions and open-water meets and playing basketball since I was seven years old. . . it makes me feel so incredibly ashamed that I let my own weight get this out of control, that as someone who was a dedicated athlete (also, softball and soccer when the season was right) and generally healthy person, I completely forgot to take care of my own body, to treat it as the excellent and well-oiled machine it can be.  It just makes me sick.  But anyhoo, I need to stop the Negative Nancy routine and get on with my plans.  So swimming- I’m thinking twice or three times a week, to switch up the stationary bike action.  Also, I really need to get a medium sized pilates ball- in the past, when I have dropped weight, those things have been indispensable for awesome, toning floor exercises.  I’m really noticing a change in my thighs and calves, but my stomach is a real problem and I need to start busting out the crunches EVERY DAY.  As it is now, I probably do them 3 or 4 times a week, but I need to step the whole workout routine up a notch.  Swimming, more stationary bike, more situps, more free weights.  Also, in terms of the reward system, since I don’t have a scale and I hate spending my whole day counting calories, I think that each time I legitimately drop a pants size, I’ll get myself a little gift.  My pants size is generally the indicator of my weight loss as I am much smaller on top- I always used to put on weight only in my ass and legs; it wasn’t until I started to really pack it on that I got a poochy stomach and the horrible saggy boobs I have now.  Hopefully it will all tighten back up (I’m still young-ish, I can hope) with a lot of effort and exercise.  So for rewards. . . I have a few things planned out.  When I reach my goal of getting back into a size ten, I’m getting the new tattoo I’ve been wanting and elaborately planning out for two years now and taking a trip to Italy.  I used to love to travel and avidly pursue a long, hostel-hopping backpacking trip any time I had enough money saved and could get the time off work.  Traveling, exploring makes me feel healthy, invigorated, and alive.  It also provides A-material for an aspiring writer such as myself and the opportunity to meet all sorts of amazing people.  But for each of the many pants sizes to come before that, I will treat myself to a little something something.  I just really need to re-motivate and stay the course, step up the workouts and try to sleep 8 hours every night (something that has not historically been in my repertoire).  Better get cracking, cause mama needs a new pair of shoes!