Well, it’s been a while since I last posted; I have been INSANELY busy.  Since I last wrote, my sister had a beautiful baby boy (Lucas Jose, 7 pounds 9 ounces, 72 hours of mild labor contractions followed by Pitocen and 30 minutes of pushing), I broke up with David, gained a ton of weight (I think), moved home to Seattle and threw out my back.  I have been packing and moving this whole week- I still have to clean out my old apartment of all the leftover stuff- not to mention many, many trips to Goodwill to drop off some of the junk I’m having such a hard time letting go of.  Noah and I ended up moving his apartment the Friday before last (it just so happened he found a new place at exactly the same time I was moving) and mine this past Friday.  I don’t know how it could possibly have come to pass that we ended up doing the damn thing ourselves but all the people I know well enough to ask for help are currently unavailable having either recently given birth, moved out of town or are attending school.  So it was just us and an hour of help from Chance (who drove like a bat out of hell up to Seattle from Olympia to help for a short time, as he had work AND school that day).  We filled a 17 foot moving truck full to the brim with all my furniture and personal items and then unloaded that bitch in 2 hours (we were hustling to get the truck back down to Olympia on time, which is a two hour drive from Seattle during rush hour).  So Saturday I woke up chipper and cheerful and ready to get started putting all things in their right places and after about an hour of putting away dishes and breaking down boxes and dragging the random wicker furniture my mom has into the garage (I swear, it’s the weirdest thing, she has one piece of the foul stuff in every room- a sassy blond wicker chair here, a miniature ottoman, stained white, there- it’s very weird as she generally has more sophisticated taste), I realized that I could barely stand up and that my back felt like someone had stabbed me with a hot poker.  Ever since then, I’ve been in various states of repose.  I can’t really move around, I’m walking like I’m 90 years old and I’m had to take codeine yesterday, which makes me terribly, allergically nauseous but I had to take it for the CRAZY pain.  I’ve never had a back injury before but this shit is no joke!  I’m going stir crazy and the dogs are starting to wig out- I can’t even really walk them the past couple of days.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I can stick with my Aleve regimen of today, rather than Saturdays vomitous codeine.  I’m dying to get the house set up and to get some goddamn exercise and I’m just praying that my early bedtime, hot bath and reliance on painkillers will make for a more pleasant and productive day tomorrow.  Glad to be moved up here, though I’m having some intense and conflicted feelings about it.  I need two strong, fresh weeks, leading up to my birthday, at which point I’m throwing a completely unhealthy dinner party- going to try out all manner of elaborate recipes that I would never make for just myself (for dietary reasons and because I’m a very good, but very, very lazy, cook) and sample all of them with the joie de vive of a girl who doesn’t (still!) have 80 pounds to lose.  I have racked up 68 miles on the pedometer since I last wrote, though, so, there’s some concrete evidence that at least a modicum of regular exercise was had, but I have certainly not been faithful to my routine.  This is one of the reasons I’m so enraged about my sudden and debilitating (if only for two days so far, hmpph) injury- I want to get everything set up so I can really establish my routine here.  I’m thinking that I’ll just modify what was working for me before, but I’ll have to scale it back a little earlier, as I’ll be commuting to Oly 3 days per week.  My plan goes as such: wake up around 8, take the dogs to the dog park adjacent Green lake, walk around Green Lake (3 miles), come home for some stationary bike, then exercise video action.  Possibly I’ll break it up so I’m doing stationary bike only in the morning and then an exercise video at night or vice versa, but this is my plan.  I have one year and two weeks to complete my weight loss journey (got to kick my fat self to the curb before I’m thirty, I mean, bitch, please).  I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

Will get back to regular food journaling, daily awesoming, and mile totalling soon, but not tonight, eh, except milage for the year which is now. . . 796.5- getting close, y’all, but I need to push it through these next two and a half months to get to 1000 by New Years Day.  Hope all you ladies are doing well out there.

Well, today was good, busy and basically on track with the diet plan. Got in a workout, saw friends, got shit done.

Breakfast: 1 poached egg on greens with balsamic vinaiger, tomatoes, chicken breast

Lunch: no

Dinner: green salad, sandwich with chicken breast, tomatoes, light mayo, wheat bread

Exercise: 40 minutes stationary bike (11 miles) 30 day shred, 2 miles with dogs

1000 miles in 2009: 728.5

Song of the Day: Single Ladies, by Beyonce

Daily awesome:  David Lynch’s Interview Project is very cool and This American Life-y.

Well, today was not too bad but I have been off my workout plan all week.  I need to pull it together; I swear I can feel myself gaining back some of the weight I lost already.  It’s funny; this is always how I end up sabotaging myself on diets, start by saying ‘oh, well, putting extra cheese on that sammy won’t hurt, I’m working out constantly’ and then all of a sudden it’s a month later of being mostly sedentary and eating crap and I’ve put back on five pounds.  I had a VERY low key day today, after working hard all weekend.  Did some laundry, watched the True Blood finale (MaryAnn’s death AND Sam Trammell nudity. . . AMAZING, with a capital ZING!), read, started planning this live storytelling event I’m setting up over here (turns out, as usual, it’s going to be ten times more work than I thought it was), didn’t put on makeup and wore slippers when I went to the grocery store.  Tomorrow, I have coffee with my writing buddy, Katya, a planning meeting for the Moth event and a morning meeting with one of our clients. I have a lot going on right now, as always, but mostly I’m just waiting by the phone, convinced my sister is going to go into labor at any moment (and she really might- her due date is the 17th).  Things aren’t really working out with David and I think I need to cut him loose, but I’m dragging my feet about it quite a bit.  I haven’t been eating well or working out as much as I’d like, so I’m feeling huge and logy all the time.  I’m just so stalled with the weight loss thing; I need to kick start myself again and the only way to do that is to just DO IT.  I’m going to be pissed tomorrow when I wake up at seven, but I’m getting a real workout in tomorrow, as god is my witness.  I’m going to be so glad when the Biggest Loser goes up on Hulu this year; it’s such a good motivator.

Breakfast: nein

Lunch: sandwich with sliced chicken breast, wheat bread, tomatoes, pesto, light mayo.

Dinner: salad with everything on earth: lettuce, spinach, radishes, olives, avocado, edamame, feta, tomatoes, red cabbage, green onions, celery, chicken breast, balsamic dressing

Snack: those new popped potato chips (3 grams of fat per serving and 120 calories- not too shabs), about half a 3-serving bag (booo!)

Exercise: No, except 2 miles with the canines

1000 miles in 2009: 715.5 (I only did 7 miles in the past five days, including today- I am fucking up, big time)

Song of the Day: Lucifer, by Jay Z

Daily awesome: Stay. . .stay. . . stay. . . get it!

So, I’m officially finished with college AS OF TODAY.  Hiyo!

This month has been quite hectic and full of shitty food and stress, stress, stress.  I’ve been riding the stationary bike and walking (89.5 miles since I last wrote), but my exercise video commitment has completely fallen off.  Noah and I worked like crazy over labor day weekend, trying to get all our multiple projects on track.  My sister is due, like, yesterday (actually, next week), but they think they’re going to have to induce.  I have to break things off with David because it’s just all getting too distracting and he’s just too bland for me, I think, even with the good bedroom stuff.  I’m getting ready to move home to Seattle in November (thank god!) and trying to get my head back in the game as far as eating goes.  I think I’ve probably put five pounds back on- my smallest jeans are getting a little bit tight.  I did, though, have a cool experience the other day: I have two virtually identical pairs of jeans, same brand, same color.  One has been too small for me since I got them (it was one of those ‘I’ll get into these in a couple months, no problem’ things, which of course NEVER work out, but I like the jeans so much I never got rid of them) and the other fits and I wear them often.  So yesterday, I was rummaging around the house, trying to find the pair that does fit, in a panic- they were they only jeans that agreed with the rest of the outfit I was putting together.  Anyhow, I found them and put them on and wore them all day without incident.  But, as it turns out, they were the pair that never fit me before- I found the newer, fitting pair later in a laundry basket.  The too small ones now fit loosely and pretty well.  So, a small victory!

I put together an intensive shopping list for tomorrow- I’m purging the house of disgusting food, I’m going to mop the kitchen and spend the day preparing nice, healthy food to have around the house.  I made a pact with Noah, that we’re not going to eat out for two weeks.  This will be extremely challenging, but I need to cut that part of my diet WAY down, not to mention, I’m kind of struggling for money right now.  So, a challenge!!  Anyone want to join us on cutting down on restaurant eating?

Breakfast: nein

Lunch: mexican food, 1\2 steak quesadilla, 1\2 cup rice, handful of tortilla chips

Dinner: 1 1\2 cups quinoa salad with tomatoes, black beans, feta cheese, basil, capers, olives

Exercise: 3 miles with the dogs

1000 miles in 2009: 708.5

Song of the Day: Dearest, by Buddy Holly

Dailiy awesome: This is a very good, unsentimental article by Roger Ebert, about his 30 years of sobriety and his previous life as an alcoholic.  It’s a little to culty about the Program, but I’m easily rubbed the wrong way by that sort of thing, being a sober person who does not attend AA meetings or use the program to stay sober.  But it sure is interesting and brave and bold, for someone whose serious-person persona is so public to out himself as a former alkie.  Interesting.

Well, it’s been a very bad week.  I’m feeling pretty down again and have been eating like a morbidly obese hippopotamus for, like, ten days.  My belt is getting tighter and I was down to the last hole and ready to trade the entire thing in for a new one.  The only thing good is that I’ve been exercising a lot, too- not, by a long shot, enough to mitigate the candy and fries-eating madness, but enough to offset it a little bit.  My stomach, which is usually the first thing to deflate when I lose weight and has been no exception this time, is incredibly bloated and full.  I need to flea bomb my house.  I’m moving in two months.  My sister’s relationship depresses me and my own bores me (except the sex part is still fun).  My business is slow and I’m broker than a joke.  The dogs are on my last nerve.  I steam cleaned the house and then it was promptly ruined by the animals.  I have been keeping a walking diary though, got myself a pedometer and everything, so I can keep track of mileage, even when I’m being a lazy blogger.  56 miles (walking and biking) since I last wrote- I think I can make my goal of 1000 miles by the end of the year.  Every workout has been like pulling teeth lately, probably because it feels like my stomach is full of rocks all the time.  Today, I ate teriyaki chicken and tonkatsu, and TWO cans of beef ravioli (low fat, but still 800 calories total!  Also, being a fairly excellent cook- particularly of Italian food- I know it’s a bad week if I can’t even boil water and make a simple sauce), and drank about two gallons of water and today was one of the better days this week.  I feel disgusting.  I have to have a good day tomorrow.  My house is stocked with healthy foods- freshly pulled carrots and radishes, heirloom tomatoes, roasted tofu, seaweed salad, a wealth of asian pears and nectarines, low fat chicken sausages.  I staged a raid on the co-op during Noah’s volunteer shift Thursday and took advantage of his 40% discount, also last weekend I picked my mothers garden clean (pears, tomatoes, basil, etc.).  There is no reason for me to be anxiety-eating like I have been;  I put in my notice on my apartment here, to be out by November first, to leave Olympia and move home to Seattle- gee, I wonder if I could be at all concerned about that?  I’m also feeling a little overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do both for school and for our upcoming merchant processing site for work.  A lot of things are up in the air.  I want to be falling back on my healthy exercise routine and diet plan- a constant during chaos, you know, but I haven’t been able to rally myself out of this funk.  Earlier this week, I went to the movies with Noah (District 9- seriously, I feel like that movie was made specifically for me, so much did it appeal to my every sensibility.  Loved it!) and ended up getting some gross-ish licorice from the grocery store.  I had like almost a pound of the stuff and it was not really that good.  Usually, I would either throw it away or just let it sit in the cupboard for months until my sister discovered it during her next visit and gobbled it up.  But no; later in the night, I ate piece after piece of the awful stuff as I watched old episodes of Lost.  I’ve got to snap out of it.  This was a major backsliding week and I cannot have another one if I want to continue my progress to my next goal (my birthday\movie screening).  It’s getting a little bit down to the wire and I still have another 70 pounds to go, god help me.  Also, I hate feeling like shit- I like the way my body feels when it’s mostly free of processed garbage like what I’ve been eating all week (strawberry licorice wheels and canned ravioli-WTF, people, seriously) and it’s not as if I don’t have all that at my fingertips.  Tomorrow, I’m going to wake up at a reasonable hour (also, I’ve been sleeping late, another indicator of capital-D depression), do my dog walking and my workout, then have healthy meals, all day, watch not a one minute of television (though, fellow fans, how good has True Blood been lately?  Amazing, yeah?  Mmm, Sam Tramell. . . ), finish my book and work on my school projects.  Then, tomorrow night, the casino!  I’m pretty broke but I’m going to spend the voucher they sent me this month on some mindless recreation, I think, to get back into a more pleasant mindframe.  That’s the plan.

Breakfast: 1 can low fat beef ravioli

Lunch: chicken teriyaki and tonkatsu, 1 cup rice, small green salad

Dinner: can o’ beef ravioli (god, what is WRONG with me?)

Exercise: 2 miles with the dogs, 30 minutes stationary bike (8.5 miles), 30 day shred

1000 miles in 2009: 619 (added weekly tally plus todays)

Song of the Day: Do Re MI, Ani DiFranco covering Woody Guthrie

Daily awesome:  Well, this is nerdy web designer stuff, but Smashing Magazine often has extremely useful design articles and blog posts, as well as nut-and-bolts practical stuff very useful to those of us in the oft-boring web field.

Well, I was in an internet blackout area in Montana, could not post.  I had a pretty good trip, except for my uncle’s terrible personality problem.  He’s a complete freakshow- a neurotic fitness freak with a hero complex, who speaks every word with the zeal of the converted.  Everything he says is designed to point out how good and right his life is and how fall short yours falls.  He drove me CRAZY, the entire time.  My aunt is cold as ice and I adore her- she’s totally straightforward and not trying to impress anyone and her obnoxiousness is all out there, right on the surface.  My uncle has gone into this whole lifestyle-soldier mode that is utterly intolerable.  I could not get out of there fast enough.  However, the area is beautiful and we hiked in Glacier (amazing, with a terrifying section walking on a thin path atop a sheer cliff, clinging to the rope attached to the rock face and trying not to look down).  Now I’m back in Olympia; I had a big day of house cleaning planned today and completed about 15 percent of what needed to be done.  I did, however, get a fabulous haircut (I woke up this morning and thought ‘not another day with my hair over my collar or I will go insane’), a weird new cookie jar for dog treats (shape of a monkey) and a dress for my friend Deana’s prom-themed birthday party this Saturday.  I have a whole 80’s outfit all planned out.  The dress is fitted and jersey up top with a trashy mess of tulle and mesh down below- it’s solid black and comes to the knee.  Weirdly cute- I might even crimp my hair, just to amp the whole thing up another notch.  Also, Lynn (my lifelong BFF- since we were six, anyway) has finally, finally, returned home for three weeks from Sweden, before she goes back to Detroit for her second year of school.  Tomorrow, I am actually going to get all kinds of work done- going to do some school work, steam clean the carpets, clean and dust my bedroom and organize the office.  Also, strenuous exercise.

Breakfast: 4 donut peaches, 1\2 cup yogurt.

Lunch: 1\2 subway sammy with chicken breast and all the usual stuff.

Dinner: 2nd half of sub sammy

Exercise: 3 miles with dogs (also, 20 miles done over the weekend in Montana and Yakima)

1000 miles in 2009: 552.5 (I need to get on top of this pronto or I’m not going to make my goal)

Song of the Day: Somebody’s Gotta Do It, by The Roots

Daily awesome: OMG! Lebowski movie.

Holy shit, I seriously almost died today in my car, which is a tiny black Civic without air conditioning, driving to Yakima.  I had to drop Lucy off at the kennel she usually goes to, which is up near Seattle, but then we got stuck in SERIOUS traffic and it was 104 degrees and I’m a Northwest girl and they’re Northwest dogs, we are wusses about the heat, and honestly, I was scared for their lives.  At the kennel, they let me give Klaus a quick, cold bath to cool him off because I thought he was about to perish from heatstroke or some such sun-related illness.  The traffic on 1-5 took for-fucking-ever to get through and turned out to be because of a fire (!!) that burnt down a patch of the divider between N and S lanes of the freeway up near Kent.  Crazy.

So, I was quite grumpy, but then arrived at my mothers house and she had prepared an incredible feast of a dinner, incorporating all my favorite edible aspects of summers here.  It was amazing.  We leave tomorrow morning for Montana.

Breakfast: english muffin with sliced turkey, 1 slice gouda, light mayo, sprouts

Lunch: no

Dinner: oh my god, what DIDN’T I have for dinner, but it was mostly healthy.  Green bean salad with tomatoes, basil, onions, olive oil, vinagar, herbs.  Potatoes with feta cheese, chives and more herbs from Moms garden.  An ear of corn (half of which I burned badly on the grill- my one dinner task, to prepare the corn, went horribly awry).  3 slices pork roast (whoops).  Delicious.

Also, weirdly, I drank a regular soda today.  I am the sort that NEVER allows an ounce of non-diet soda to pass her lips.  It’s like the sugary stuff doesn’t exist for me, usually- give me Nutrasweet or give me death!  I love the diet pepsi etc.  But I was all sweated out and fatigued after driving for six goddamn hours and I drank a cold root beer I bought at a gas station and I swear, you guys, it was like manna from heaven.

Exercise: 1 mile with dogs

1000 miles in 2009: 529.5 (I need to get to work on this thing- more stationary bike upon my return!!)

Song of the Day: Anti Love Song, by Betty Davis

Daily awesome: Because of my anxiety of leaving my dogs for the weekend (Lucy at the kennel and Klaus in Yakima with my dad), I give you the greatest collection of pet halloween costumes I have ever seen.  Appreciate, in particular, the chef and lobster-in-a-pot and the collection of fast foods.

It was nearly 100 degrees today- my house is still a broiling, sweating, dog-panting inferno, there’s no ventilation here.  Yesterday was great and busy- Noah and I went to hang at Kathy’s pool all day (where Kathy was not killed, but was badly, badly burned!), then went up to Seattle to see Holly’s reading, which was, in all honesty, the kind of preposterous, avant-garde poetry situation that just about makes a literary traditionalist like myself want to get a frontal lobotomy.  Love Holly, though, of course and am proud of her for putting herself out there, even if we disagree in terms of artistic tastes.

Today was pretty good- it was basically too fucking hot to eat until now and I’m eating some wheat pasta and trying not to forehead-sweat too much into it.  I have to get rolling on my contract but I was so hot today I could barely think.  Kathy and I went shopping, I watched the newest True Blood at her place while she was at a doctors appointment and we talked a lot about boys and heartbreak.  I worked in the morning and finalized an important project for us, also.  So, a good day.

Breakfast: mango, 1 cup yogurt

Lunch: no

Dinner: right now, 1 cup wheat pasta with tomatoes, olive oil, garlic, basil, parmesean

1 cup iced coffee with soy milk and splenda

Exercise: 30 minutes stationary bike, 8.5  miles

1000 miles in 2009: 528.5

Song of the day: Night Time is The Right Time, by Ray Charles

Daily awesome: Go Fug Yourself!

So, for the past month, almost, I’ve been basically unable to complete basic creative tasks such as blog-keeping, art-project-doing, writing-for-fun and delicious-meal-cooking.  I’ve been feeling like my creative well was completely dry.  I was so worked up by the time school ended (9 quarters in a row- holla!) that I just felt like I couldn’t get enough rest and relaxation.  Unfortunately, this blog and many other things fell by the wayside.  I’ve also been seeing that boy, David, which is ever so distracting, even though I know he doesn’t really have long term potential.  I’m trying to enjoy as many relaxing activities (sex, television, hiking, movie-going, etc.), that don’t require any creative spark, so I can recollect my energy and figure out what the hell I’m going to do with myself now.

All this has also had not much of a favorable impact on my diet.  I’ve been holding steady, though with the last couple weeks (2 trips to the cabin, threw a baby shower for my sister), it’s been difficult.  But, I’m ready to suck it up and try to get back into writing regularly and dieting again.  Next week I’m going on a hiking trip with my mother and uncle in Glacier, which will be beautiful and hot as hell’s fire this time of year.  I’ve got a bad cold right now, so am taking the day off tomorrow, but I’ve been pretty faithful in general about exercising.

I also decided that this summer is when the whole chubby-shame thing ends:  I realized that, until recently, I hadn’t gone swimming in years, that my legs hadn’t seen the sunshine, just how much my body has been affecting my happiness during this time of year.  I’ve always clearly registered low-level, free-floating anxiety during the summers, but it’s much less painful to blame it on something other than what it truly is: I’m really ashamed of my body.  So anyways, this summer, I’m just saying fuck it; I’ve been swimming, even worn dresses a couple of times, I have a nice tan.  It’s so much easier to just let it go (at least, after that first time I ran into the water in my running shorts and sports bra), even though I’m sure if I saw a picture of myself I would be utterly overcome with morbid shame.  The casual sex relationship with David is also helping my body confidence.  All these things are good: I’m considering them to be practice.  It’s like I’m testing out all the things I used to love to do, checking to see if I still love them (yep!), getting ready for when I can really feel like myself again in the outdoors (once I have a normal BMI).  I used to be obsessed with moving to Austin, Texas, because it’s my favorite city in the United States, but I let that fade away as I got heavier- gosh, no, I couldn’t possibly live in hot weather, too much tank-top and sundress weather.  Anyhow, as I am truly losing this weight (which has been admittedly slow, but, still, happening this month), I’m trying to write down, as I remember them, facets of my life that have been unconsciously affected by my weight:  Moving out of the gloomy Northwest.  Going traveling extensively again.  Wearing heels (this I definitely do anyway, but I always know my fat little feet are going to be in serious hurt at the end of the night).  Swimming. Fucking.  Going to the doctor when I need to (don’t like to be weighed).  Tank tops.  There are many more things on this list, that I’m sure will grow as I remember more and more, as I shrink back to my healthy size, but presently, I’m trying to get a jump on the items that can be addressed NOW.

Today is officially three months from my 29th birthday (yeeouch!).  As an early birthday present, I’m purchasing a pair of adorable red cowboy boots that don’t quite fit me (too small around the calves) and are obscenely expensive.  I’m not a big fan of racking up fantasy items that you can’t wear on the day you buy them, ‘incentive outfits’ or whatever, but in this case, I’m doing it to affirm my ongoing confidence in myself, that I know I’ll be into those suckers in three months.  I’m into a size 20, and I should be into a 16 or 18 by my birthday.  I’m nearly 40 pounds down since February and I’m rested and ready to jump back in.  I’m going to wrap those boots up and give them to myself on my birthday and they’re going to fit, goddammit.  Onward and upward, my friends! Hope everyone is well and having a fabulous, beautiful, diet-friendly summer.

Breakfast: wheat english muffin with dijon mustard, 1 tomato and 2 slices smoked turkey

Lunch: no

Dinner: subway sandwich, chicken breast, mustard, all usual veggies, dijon, honey mustard, vinager

Exercise: 3 miles with dogs, 30 minutes stationary bike (8 miles)

1000 miles in 2009: 520 (damn, I wish I’d been keeping track of mileage the past month)

Song of the day: The King of Carrot Flowers, Pt. 1

Daily awesome: So, this was on Digg already, so everyones probably seen it, but still. . . amazing, just amazing.

I have finally returned from Yakima (definition: a horrible ‘city’ 4 hours east of where I live, where every member of my immediate family now lives) and am recouping with a couple episodes of 30 Rock, six chapters of the book I’m reading (just for fun!! hah, suck it, school!), a bigass bottle of club soda and some dried mango.  I actually consider my visit to be an almost complete success: I saw all the family members I owed a visit to, helped out at the Seasons, threw my dad an early Father’s Day dinner, exercised 4 out of the 5 days I was gone, had NOT A ONE bad food episode (excepting a cup of frozen yogurt or two) and managed to get at least 5 hours of sleep every night I was there (which is quite a bit, considering I’m usually too anxious at my parents house to get more then 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep).  The hike with my sister was beautiful and a veritable paradise for my dogs, who have been sleeping for nearly 30 hours.  Every day, they swam in the lake my parents live on, ran around in the gigantic adjacent field, and generally had a blast.  My sister is looking extremely pregnant and her and Sandro seem to be in a fairly pleasant holding pattern, though the whole thing is a complete nightmare.  

I’m feeling pretty great right now; I’m back to having diet momentum!  Also, when I got home today, I called David, who I was seeing casually a couple months back.  We never actually did the deed, but we fooled around a whole lot.  He was pretty square and boring, but a nice guy, with a good job and a quality sense of humor.  Hot, too.  Anyhoo, I have been struggling with the sex thing for this entire year, since Jason moved away.  It’s been almost a year since I actually had sex with someone and I think I’ve been making too big a deal of it, wanting it all to be exactly as I plan it and with some wonderful, perfect, hilarious and weird guy that materialized out of nowhere, with no body anxieties or obsessive attachment on my part.  But, I’m over that now- when you stop getting laid for awhile, you forget how important it is.  In any case, my point is that I’m going to go for it with David.  I know he cares about me and we pass time together pretty easily.  I don’t want anything serious, but I’m freaking lonely.  I need some physical contact.  This has been the longest dry spell ever in my adult life.  I keep thinking that if I start having casual sex with someone, I’ll get all crazy like I used to when I was drinking.  Up until now, the risk has felt too scary to take, but it’s spring, I’m spending about 2 hours a day sexually fantasizing about my True Blood crush (ah, Sam), it’s been nearly a year since I knocked boots with anyone and I’m getting back in better shape.  It’s time; I’m going for it.  David’s into it, so we made dinner plans for Monday night and we’ll see what happens after that.  Noah’s promised me he’ll keep an eye on the situation; if I start getting overly attached to the whole thing, he’ll give me the heads up.  I’m a big compartmentalizer when it comes to my sex life, anyways, so I think it’ll come in handy for a sex-friendship.  I’m going for it; I’m sick of holding myself back from things that I want because of who I used to be (a crazy bar whore and someone who slept with the same complete douchebag for three years when I first moved to Olympia, even though I never liked his personality).  I’m a grown woman, I’m in control of myself, I can take control of my own physical needs as well.  I’m sick of living within my comfort zone.  

Also, I’m super excited to really kill it this summer.  I’m getting skinnier, I can tell.  It all seems like a drop in the bucket still, but it’s getting more and more obvious each day that I’m getting back in shape.  I’m sick of dragging my own fat ass around and it feels good to be back to doing something about it.  

Breakfast: no

Lunch: sushi restaurant, Chirashi don buri- sashimi over rice with raw veggies, miso soup, 2\3 sushi roll with avocado, tempura shrimp, crab

Dinner: 6 slices dried mango, 1 sandwich with 2 slices olive bread, sliced chicken breast, 2 slices swiss cheese, 2 servings tortilla chips with chipotle salsa

Snack: 10 wheat thins, about 2 ounces brie (shit!)

Exercise: not today

1000 miles in 2009: 508.5

Song of the Day: It Hurt So Bad, by Susan Tedeschi

Daily awesome: Stop motion video, yay!