Angel Food (lowfat)

I really shouldn’t be writing this post right now. I really should be packing. I’m flying out this afternoon to see my fiance graduate from pilot training. Woo-hoo! The madness and stress of his training is finally over!

I’ve had an interesting couple of weeks, the highlight of which was not my passing out from dehydration and low blood sugar. You see, I had become a slave to my little food diary. One day, I had eaten far too large a lunch. So, since I was out of points for the day, I skipped a proper dinner and dieted rigorously the next day. Skipping meals, as we all know, is unhealthy. My body rebelled and I got sick. After that day, from which I’ll spare you all the gory symptoms, I had some sort of hunger monster in me all week, felt too weak to work out, and put on a couple pounds. I honestly didn’t care that I was gaining weight. I was just tired of feeling hungry and weak.

My system feels like it has finally stabilized, though, and I’ve nicely returned to exercising and being more careful about my food intake these past few days. I only have about half a pound to lose to get back down to where I was pre-fainting. I’m being careful about my choices, but I’m not depriving myself again. If I eat too much at one meal, so be it. I’ll still eat the next meal that my body needs.

My goal remains to be 149 by the time of my wedding in mid-May. I’ve got about 6 lbs to go to get there. It feels wonderful to be so close to my goal. When my weight crept up a couple years ago, I felt like I had failed myself. I’m finally realizing that, no matter what weight I am, I deserve to take the time to take good care of myself and to do what I need to do to be stronger. There’s no sense being skinny if one doesn’t have the energy and strength to enjoy her life!

I have a great wedding dress story. I found the dress boutique I liked before finding my dress. Then, I trolled the web sites of the designers (ok, let’s face it - manufacturers) that the store carried. There was one dress that stood above all others, that I simply loved on-line. I sort of filed it away and planned to call the store about the dress once I reached my dream weight. That didn’t happen.

Instead, one random day last year while eating lunch at work, I visited the store’s web site. My dress was listed - on the clearance page - at 80% off - in my size! Woooo! I called and begged the lady to take the listing down (it was listed on ebay) and told her I’d drive the 2 hours to her store after work to try on the dress. My mom and sister joined me on the crazy spur-of-the-moment trip. Long story short, the dress fit nearly perfectly, maybe a little snug across the hips (but not too tight), with only a slight alteration to the straps needed. We bought it and took it home, satisfied with our clever purchase!

The problem with only trying on one dress and then buying it immediately is the matter of second thought. Over the months after I bought the dress, I began to doubt my purchase. I would try the dress on and imagine flaws - the biggest being that I thought it made my hips look “poufy.” My mom knew I was upset, so she encouraged me one weekend to try on some other wedding dresses. I tried on about 10 other dresses; they certainly weren’t right for me. After comparing my dress to them, I knew, without a doubt, that my first dress was still the Dress. Still… there was the issue of the poufy hip effect.

This weekend, I tried on my dress for the first time in about 4 months. I finally had the “feeling” that I had hoped for - the tears, the joy, the giddy reaction from my family. I’m not back at my dream weight, but I have lost almost 10 lbs, I’m working out regularly, and I’m starting to get muscle definition. It’s funny how those changes eliminated the entire “poufy” hip effect. (Guess it’s not the fault of the basque waist after all!) Whether my hips really have shrunk to change how the dress fits, or whether I’m just happier with having taken control of my food/weight/exercise issues, I’m not sure. Still, it feels soooo good to know that I’m going to feel beautiful, in the Dress, on my wedding day!