Angel Food (lowfat)

Friday evening I had an argument with someone close to me, and I ended up staying in a funk all day on Saturday. I hate that I am an emotional eater. For years, I thought that I was overweight/obese (depending on the moment in time) simply because I love good food. I love to cook. I love to eat. But, I know that I’m heavier than I should be because whenever I feel off kilter or out of sorts, I tend to turn to food. I’m not a big snacker or one who furtively eats straight out of the cupboard or fridge. Instead, I like the celebration of a mealtime gathering with friends or family. I’ve not yet mastered how to enjoy a fun meal without eating too much. When I lost down to 135 lbs, I did so largely by avoiding celebration meals or dining out. Of course, I was also terribly lonely that year.

Now, I’m trying to strike the balance - enjoying evenings out with friends, celebrations with family, etc. while eating appropriately for my health goals. Last night, however, the confluence of an evening out with friends with my feeling terrible about the fight I had wreaked havoc on my week’s weight loss progress. For dinner, I chose shrimp soft tacos, probably one of healthier choices at the local Mexican restaurant, washed down with 3/4 of a pitcher (!!) of margaritas. About halfway through my meal I actually thought, “I’m not hungry any more. I’m actually quite full.” But, emotionally empty and drained from my argument and restless sleep the night before, I kept eating and drinking. It was as if by physically overstuffing myself, somehow I could nourish and fill up my emotional life.

I can, and will, move on from my Mexican restaurant debauchery of last night. In some ways, maybe the experience will even wind up being good for me. I identified the dangerous combination of feeling empty emotionally and a celebration-type meal. The next time I feel like I might encounter such a struggle, I’m going to reach out to someone - bloggers, my oh so helpful brother, perhaps even the one I hurt. In my church, we are encouraged to resolve conflicts and sins with others before we approach the communion table. Perhaps, for me, I need to do the same whenever I approach the dinner table.