Angel Food (lowfat)

This morning I weighed 154.4. I’m down 1.6 lbs from my last weigh in a week ago. I did pretty well diet-wise this week, eating very healthily at the start of the week (homemade eggplant salad and a chickpea stew). The end of the week wasn’t the healthiest, but I watched my portions well. I’ve been busy so my blogs have taken a back seat. However, knowing that I’d be blogging my weight today kept me motivated throughout the week.

Finals week is upon me, stirring up lots of old issues. One of the reasons I dropped out of college when I was younger was that I was so plaqued with thoughts of failure. (Failure, for me, was anything less than an “A.”) I would procrastinate and procrastinate until I was overwhelmed by work. I often slept my way through finals week, telling myself I’d study in bed. But, I always just fell asleep. I’m not overwhelmed with exhaustion and depression as I was when I was younger, but it is taxing to still be fighting the old fears.  

I don’t mean to wallow. I realize how boring it is to read someone else’s wallowing blog entry. It’s just that I’ve been tired lately from trying so hard to maintain my 4.0 in school, to remain close with my boyfriend who lives in a different state, and to lose weight with everything else going on… I know this state of being is only temporary. My finals will be over tomorrow afternoon, and I will then be only one class away from graduating in May (13 years after finishing high school!).  Tomorrow night, I’ll be able to get to sleep at a decent hour and wake up for a regular day at work. Things I’ve been putting off as I worked on my final projects, like yoga, a job search, Christmas preparations, etc., will fill up my evenings. Soon enough, my wheels will stop spinning and I’ll start moving forward again.